


The Proposal

by PalmettoFoxDen



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: But Nathan and Drake are both dead from the start, But also diverges from the movie to fit the characters better, Canon compliant trigger warnings for backgrounds, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Real Marriage, Sort Of, Sort of an AU of the movie, The Proposal AU, more like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-06 11:17:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 52,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15884952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PalmettoFoxDen/pseuds/PalmettoFoxDen
Summary: Andrew said he was engaged to Neil to get Nicky to stop telling him he would die alone. Now, Nicky is expecting Andrew to bring Neil to Columbia to meet them all. Meanwhile, Neil just found out he's going to be deported. Even though they can't stand each other, Andrew makes Neil a deal. If Neil visits Andrew's family and convinces them that they're really engaged, Andrew will marry him and convince the investigator on Neil's case that they're in love. But if they're going to convince anyone, they'll need to learn a lot about each other.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N: Two quick things before we start:**
> 
> **1) I don't want to be annoying and beg for comments, but this is a novel-length fanfic that took me a ridiculous amount of time and energy that I am posting all at once. That makes me pretty nervous that I'm not going to get feedback or I'm only going to get a little bit at the end and not know what people thought of most of the fic, so _please_ take the time to let me know what you think and consider giving feedback about different parts of the story.**
> 
> **2) I'm considering writing a JereJean office romance sequel to this, so let me know if that is something you would be interested in after.**

Andrew had been refusing to accept Nicky's invitation to visit Columbia for weeks, but he could only ignore Nicky's pleading for so long. Nicky was persistent and the longer Andrew pretended that he was still just far too busy with work to go to Columbia for his and Aaron's birthday, the more messages Nicky sent. Andrew was starting to get nervous that Nicky was going to call him at work and get his assistant Neil and he couldn't let that happen.

Andrew had gotten sick of Nicky bothering him about how afraid he was that Andrew would die alone and would die married to his work, almost never making time to see his family. He didn't know that Andrew was actually indifferent to his job. He just didn't like visiting his family and seeing how they were all closer to each other and their spouses than they were to him. And he was beyond sick of Nicky bothering him about how he wasn't married. So to get Nicky off of his back, Andrew had told Nicky that he was engaged.

That had been a mistake though because it hadn't gotten Nicky off of his back at all. Nicky had just wanted to know all about Andrew's fiancé. Andrew had to give him a name and had to give him some kind of information.

So Andrew had lied and told him that he was engaged to his assistant, Neil, who he spent more time with than anybody else because it was easier to tell Nicky about him than make up a fiancé that didn’t exist. He had known that Nicky was going to look his fiancé up, so he had lied and said that they weren't public about it because people at work didn't know about them yet. That way when Nicky looked up Nei,l he wouldn't freak out when Neil’s social media inevitably said that he was single.

"Come on, Andrew," Nicky begged. "You haven't come back here in almost two years. It's your _birthday_. Are you really going to avoid spending your birthday together forever?"

"Alright, fine," Andrew gave in. "I'll come."

"Really?" Nicky asked. He sounded surprised and excited. He was way too enthusiastic as usual.

"Really," Andrew confirmed, even though he was already dreading this. “Under one condition.”

“Anything!” Nicky assured him much too eagerly for Andrew’s taste.

“You have to stop hounding me for information,” Andrew said.

“Absolutely,” Nicky agreed immediately. “I can do that. I can totally do that.”

Andrew wasn’t sure if Nicky was trying to convince him or convince himself, but Nicky was making a deal and Andrew was going to hold him to it.

"I'm so excited!" Nicky insisted. "I can't wait to see you and meet your man."

"Neil isn't coming," Andrew told him.

"You can't hide him from us forever," Nicky insisted. "We're going to have to meet him eventually. You are inviting us to the wedding, aren't you? Don't you think we should meet him before that?"

Andrew resisted the urge to hang up.

"He can't make it," Andrew lied. He wasn’t even going to touch that wedding question. There wasn’t going to be a wedding and Andrew wasn’t about to agree to anything.

"Are you sure?" Nicky asked. "If he can't come, then at least give me his phone number or tell him to accept my friend request on Facebook or something. I want to get to know the man that you're going to marry. He's going to be family."

Andrew was horrified but unsurprised that Nicky had sent Neil a friend request, but at least Neil hadn't accepted it. Still, this wasn't going to work for long. Andrew was going to have to figure something out.

"I'll talk to him," Andrew said because he didn't want Nicky making any more attempts at contacting Neil himself. "I'll see if he can make it. But don't get your hopes up."

Andrew was definitely in trouble and it looked like at this rate Andrew was going to have to call the fake engagement off and hope that Nicky wouldn't go try to convince Neil to take him back.

* * *

 Neil was feeling shorter fused than usual. He didn't think he could deal with it if Andrew so much as looked at him funny, let alone made him jump through the usual number of hoops for his own twisted amusement. If Neil ever wanted to get a promotion and stand a chance of getting his manuscript published, or at the very least of not having to grab Andrew Minyard coffee and cater to his every whim every day, he needed to keep his head down and stay out of trouble.

He'd spent the last three years doing just that and now it probably wasn't going to matter anyway. He'd put up with the monster that was Andrew Minyard for three long years and it didn't matter at all. He wasn't going to get a promotion. He wasn't going to get published. All he was going to get for all his hard work and suffering was deported.

So, Neil had had enough when he rushed into the office with Andrew's coffee, just how he liked it as always, and Andrew greeted him with, “You’re late.”

“Two minutes late,” Neil retorted. “Who gives a fuck?”

He expected to be fired on the spot. Instead, Andrew laughed like Neil's attitude amused him.

“Someone's in a mood today,” Andrew noted.

“I've worked my ass off as your assistant for three years and never once have I gotten a thank you or good work or anything. You make me do ridiculous tasks for your own amusement and I always get them done and it is never good enough for you. But I'm just supposed to put up with it and keep my mouth shut and hope that one day I'll get a promotion. And I have. For three years. And now I'm going to be deported and everything I have ever done for you here has just been a complete and utter waste of my time. So, yeah. I'm not in the fucking mood to get in trouble over two fucking minutes.”

Andrew sat there studying him for a long moment and Neil had the feeling that Andrew was somehow about to make his day even worse.

After a long pause, Andrew told him in a perfectly measured tone, “I think I have an idea that may be mutually beneficial for us.”

“Mutually beneficial?” Neil demanded. “Do you even know the meaning of mutually beneficial? All I have done for years is get you whatever you want, why should I care at all about what benefits you anymore?”

“Because I have a way to keep you in the country,” Andrew said as if it were obvious. “Do me a favour and I'll marry you. And make sure you get to stay in America to get a promotion.”

Neil couldn’t fathom how Andrew had managed to say it with a completely straight face.

“You're joking,” Neil insisted.

“No,” Andrew responded. “I'm not.”

“You're crazy,” Neil amended.

“Manic-depressive actually,” Andrew corrected. “But that's irrelevant to this conversation.”

Neil wasn't sure how in the world that could possibly be irrelevant when Andrew was agreeing to marry him and go through a rigorous process to keep him in the country in exchange for a favour. It must be some awfully big favour.

“Whatever you want in exchange, I’m not interested,” Neil insisted, but that wasn't quite true. More than anything, Neil wanted to stay and not have the last three years be a waste. He couldn't go back to London and start all over again. He had gotten out and away from his crooked family. He wasn't going back.

“It’s simple,” Andrew told him. “You need to get married to stay in the country. I need a fiancé. Our problems are compatible. We can help each other. Or the last three years can remain a ‘complete and utter waste’. That's up to you.”

“You need a fiancé?” Neil asked, confused. “For what?”

“My family seems to think that they're all married so I should be too,” Andrew told him. “They insisted I was going to die alone and miserable and the only way to save me was to find me someone to marry. So, I told them I was engaged to you.”

“To me?” Neil questioned. “Why?”

Andrew shrugged. “I needed to give them a name to make it believable.”

“Right,” Neil said sarcastically. “Because the idea of anyone wanting to marry you is believable. Your family does know you, don't they?”

“Yes,” Andrew said. “And now they want to know you.”

“Me?” Neil said again. “You want me to meet your family. As your fiancé? This can't be happening.”

“There's a family birthday coming up,” Andrew told him. “I'm traveling to Columbia for it. They want me to bring you.”

“No way,” Neil told him. One Andrew was bad enough. He did not need to know what his family was like.

“You agree to this and we can go and tell whoever’s working your case that this is all a mix-up and we’re getting married,” Andrew insisted. “Come to Columbia and convince my family that we’re in love and engaged and I'll marry you and jump through all the hoops for your investigation. Think it over. It's a good deal.”

“I want more,” Neil insisted.

“What will it take for you to agree?” Andrew asked.

Neil considered for a moment. He wasn't used to having power over Andrew. This was an opportunity to make sure the last three years weren't all for nothing.

“I want a promotion,” Neil told him. “And my manuscript published.”

It felt like high demands, but Andrew just sounded bored as he asked, “Is that all?”

So Neil decided to push it and make Andrew jump through another hoop for his entertainment instead of the other way around for once.

“No,” Neil said. “One more condition. You have to admit that you need me.”

Andrew barely moved, but his body tensed. His teeth seemed almost gritted together for a moment before he spoke, “Fine. I need you. Just like you need me. Now, do we have a deal or not?”

That wasn't exactly all Neil was hoping for and more, but Andrew had admitted that he needed Neil, so Neil checked, “And the promotion and publication?”

“Yours too if you pull this off,” Andrew told him.

It really was a deal too good to be true if it worked out.

Sure, out of the infinite number of people Neil had no interest in marrying, Andrew was one of the very last people Neil would ever choose as his groom. But Neil couldn't afford to be picky. Andrew was going to give him everything he had been working toward and was going to help him stay in the country. He couldn't afford to give that up.

“Deal,” Neil told him.

How hard could it really be to convince Andrew’s family that they were a real couple?


	2. Chapter 2

“If we’re going to convince the investigator, we’re going to have to know everything about each other by the time we get back,” Neil pointed out as they waited to board their plane.

They had already gone and told the investigator working on his case that he and Andrew were engaged. He hadn’t looked overly convinced, but that wasn’t surprising when they had suddenly announced their engagement just when Neil was going to be deported. That meant they were going to be watched even closer and they were going to have to be even more convincing than Neil had hoped, which was going to be pretty hard considering Andrew Minyard was impossible to love.

“If we’re going to convince Nicky, we’re going to have to know everything about each other before we get there,” Andrew countered. “Which is why we’re going to play a game.”

“Nicky?” Neil asked.

“My cousin.”

Neil waited for Andrew to elaborate, but he didn’t. He figured if Nicky was important, he would find out about him when they got to Columbia and right now Neil was more worried about Andrew’s game.

He did not like the sound of that. But Andrew was doing him a giant favour in exchange for one bad trip, so he wasn’t really in a position to shut him down. That didn’t make it any easier to resist the urge to antagonize him.

“What kind of game?” Neil asked, only managing to hide some of his annoyance. 

“A truth for a truth,” Andrew told him. “I get to start. I ask you any question I want and then you have to tell me the truth.”

Every impulse in Neil told him to refuse, but that was stupid because they had to know about each other for any of this to work. If they didn’t know enough about each other, Andrew could go to jail for trying to help him. Still, the idea of Andrew getting to pick any question he wanted made Neil feel queasy.

“Why don’t you ever talk about your family?” Andrew questioned.

That shouldn’t have been as difficult of a question as it was. It should have been innocent, but Andrew’s tone said that he knew it was not, even if he didn’t know the details of why.

“I’m an only child,” Neil told him. “My parents are dead.”

“People still talk about their dead parents,” Andrew pointed out.

Neil hated that he was right. He knew he had to offer up a little bit more.

“My dad was a terrible person. I ran away as soon as I could and I don’t like thinking about my childhood,” Neil admitted.

“Terrible how?” Andrew questioned.

“It’s my turn,” Neil pointed out. “Why don’t you ever talk about your family?”

For a moment, Andrew looked like he was annoyed by his question being turned back on him but then, after a moment, his face went blank again.

Finally, Andrew said, “They aren’t anybody else’s business.”

Neil was pretty sure there was more to it than that.

Neil didn’t think that his family was anybody else’s business either, but he had good reason for that. He wondered what Andrew’s reason was, but he doubted Andrew would give him the true answer, even if he asked. He’d probably just give out strategic partial truths.

Not that Neil could blame him. He was doing the same.

* * *

Apparently, Andrew was afraid of planes.

He didn’t need to waste a turn on that information, but he did by accident when Andrew white-knuckled the armrest during take off.

“You’re afraid of flying?” Neil asked.

He couldn’t hide his surprise. Andrew didn’t seem like the kind of person that feared anything.

“Heights,” Andrew corrected. “And now it’s my turn. What is your birthday?”

Neil tried to hide the way the question made his skin crawl. His birthday was a bit of a sore subject, but he didn’t need to let that show and have Andrew latch onto that and ask why.

“January 19 th ,” Neil told him. “When is yours?”

“November 4 th ,” Andrew responded.

He said it so casually that it took a moment for Neil to realize just how close it was to the day he had said.

“Hold on a second,” he said. “You said it was a family birthday. You didn’t say it was your birthday we were going to.”

Andrew shrugged. “You didn’t ask.”

Neil couldn’t believe that Andrew thought that wasn’t important information. They were supposed to look like a real couple. They were supposed to convince Andrew’s family that they were in love and engaged so that Andrew and his family would help convince the investigators. How was it not important for Neil to know that he was attending Andrew’s birthday?

He didn’t have a present for Andrew. He didn’t want to get a present for Andrew, but he knew he needed to if Andrew’s family was going to believe that they were even dating, let alone engaged. Neil had no idea what to get Andrew.

All these questions and he still didn’t have any idea what Andrew liked or what was important to him.

They were never going to convince anyone that they even liked each other, let alone were madly in love. This was a terrible idea.

* * *

Neil did not want to get off the plane when they landed. He had no desire to meet Andrew’s family and there was no way he was ready to fool them.

He had hardly made it through the plane ride with how unbearable Andrew was. How was he supposed to pretend to be in love with him now?

Besides, none of the information he had found out from Andrew was going to help him now. How did knowing that Andrew had gone through thirteen foster homes help him at all? How was he supposed to make conversation with his family?

Three years working for him and Neil didn’t know the first thing about Andrew’s interests. The most he know about Andrew’s likes and dislikes were his lunch and coffee orders. This was going to be a disaster.

Neil fidgeted with the ring Andrew had given him to make the lie believable, spinning it around and around on his finger as they moved through the airport.

“I can’t believe you only brought a carry-on,” Andrew commented as they waited at the baggage claim for Andrew’s luggage.

Neil didn’t see how it really mattered to Andrew at all but, of course, Andrew just had to criticize him.

“It’s not my bag that we’re waiting for,” Neil retorted.

Andrew ignored him.

Neil had gotten the last word, but he didn’t feel like he had won. Andrew dismissed everything Neil said and criticized everything he did. It was beyond irritating.

Andrew grabbed his bag and started walking ahead of Neil, weaving through the busy terminal. Despite Andrew’s short legs and Neil’s speed, Neil struggled to keep up with him. Andrew was weaving and shoving through everyone without hesitation and Neil got a lot of dirty looks as he pushed his way through the crowd, trying not to lose sight of Andrew in an unfamiliar airport.

By the time that Neil caught up to Andrew, he had already found his family and come to a stop a few feet in front of them.

Neil arrived just in time to hear one of them questioning, “Really, Andrew? You’re not even going to wait for your fiancé?”

Andrew shrugged. “He found his way here. How lost was he going to get?”

Neil resisted the urge to complain about how he waited for Andrew to find his baggage before Andrew sped off, weaving a path purposely difficult for Neil to follow. He didn’t need to make them look like any less of a couple when one of Andrew’s family members was already questioning them thanks to Andrew.

When the man who had talked tried to hug him, Andrew dodged it so Neil figured he was safe to do the same. He really was not a hugger, especially when it came to random strangers he had just met.

Besides, Neil was pretty distracted by the fact that one of the three men waiting for them was identical to Andrew.

Apparently, while they were supposed to be getting to know everything about each other before meeting Andrew’s family, Andrew hadn’t thought that it was crucial to mention that he had a brother, let alone an identical twin. It was like Andrew wanted this to go horribly wrong for them both.

Andrew’s twin stared Neil down with a judgmental look that Neil was all too familiar with from his twin. Neil knew that he should keep his mouth shut and try not to make a completely horrible first impression, but he couldn’t stop himself.

“Oh my god,” he said in disbelief. “There are two of you.”

_ Isn’t one bad enough? _

His next words died on his tongue when Andrew glared at him in warning. Neil was annoyed that apparently, Andrew could act like he cared nothing about Neil and could blow this for him, but he wasn’t allowed to be surprised Andrew had a twin when Andrew had completely neglected to share that information.

“You didn’t even tell him I existed,” Andrew’s double deadpanned. He turned his attention to Andrew and muttered, “That’s real nice.”

“What point is there in telling him?” Andrew asked. “If he's not a complete idiot, he was going to figure it out when he looked at you.”

Andrew's twin did not look pleased with that response.

“That’s Aaron,” Andrew said as he turned his attention on Neil again. “Don't let his face fool you. He's even less happy to meet you than he looks.”

Neil wasn't sure what to do and he wasn't sure which twin he liked less right now. Andrew was a nightmare and hadn't even bothered to tell him about Aaron, but Aaron hadn't stopped scowling since they had gotten there. So much for a warm welcome out of him.

Andrew jerked his chin at the next guy, the one who had reprimanded him for leaving Neil behind on the way over. “This is Nicky.”

“The cousin,” Neil said because that was the only information Andrew had really given him about his family and because Nicky was the one Andrew had said it would be difficult to convince.

Aaron looked even more irritated now. Neil tried not to smile as he complained, “You told him about Nicky though?”

“He doesn't look related,” Andrew deadpanned,

He did have a point, even if Neil didn't understand his logic.

“And this is-” Andrew started, but Neil cut him off.

“Kevin,” Neil filled in because he knew this one too.

Andrew turned and looked at him confused. Clearly, he was wondering how Neil knew a name he hadn't told him yet.

“We went to university together,” Neil filled in. “We were on the same team.”

Kevin Day had been a big deal growing up and during his college career. His mother had been one of the co-creators of exy and he had been supposed to be a big shot professional player, but a serious hand injury had taken him out of the game before he had graduated from university and he had slowly dropped off the radar, only getting mentioned here and there as a former player and the son of exy when sportscasters were discussing Thea Muldani’s husband.

Thea had gone pro. Kevin had become a history professor. Neil hadn't talked to him since Kevin had left the team. Kevin had been in a dark place then and had shut everyone on the team out, mere months before his graduation.

This wasn't part of the deal. Neil wasn't supposed to have to fool people he knew outside of work. He had shared a dorm with Kevin. How was he supposed to convince Kevin he was in love with Andrew? Kevin probably didn't believe he was even interested in men. This was so doomed and, even if he could convince Kevin, this was mortifying.

“Your boyfriend played exy?” Aaron asked in a tone that said there was something wrong with that.

“Fiancé,” Andrew corrected. “And I was as disappointed as you are when I found out.”

Neil was annoyed that even when Andrew was supposed to already know, he still found a way to make a dig at him for it.

Andrew didn't like exy. That was just another reason Neil absolutely should not be marrying him, even if it was just for a way to stay in the country. How was he supposed to marry and live with a man who was utterly unbearable and didn't like exy?

“Let’s go,” Andrew said, apparently done with the niceties. “I need a cigarette.”

Smoking was at least one thing Neil had known about Andrew before, but he doubted knowing Andrew's addiction was going to convince anyone that they were a real couple.


	3. Chapter 3

Andrew didn't particularly want Neil around his family, let alone to have Neil already know Kevin. He didn't need them staying in contact. He didn't need Neil having that tie when this was all done. He just wanted to get this visit over with.

It figured that Neil liked exy. Why wouldn't his temptation now have the same problem as the temptation that used to be Kevin?

Well, Kevin had a lot of problems. He was in a relationship. And straight, or at least convinced he was. And he was head over heels for exy.

Neil had problems too. Like his habit of refusing to give out any personal details that seemed to be on the wrong side of the line between mysterious and suspicious. And like how he couldn't stand Andrew. And how he grated on Andrew’s nerves. And the exy thing. And knowing Kevin.

_ And the fact that he's your employee _ a voice in his head said.

Andrew didn't particularly care for that voice. He didn't care for the fact that what it was saying was true too. He had power over Neil, which meant he couldn't be with him. He refused to be the boss that bedded his employee that just wanted a promotion.

And Neil hungry for a promotion. Andrew knew it. Which made Neil completely off limits, even if he were to make a move.

Not that Andrew probably stood a chance with him. He wasn't sure anyone did.

In the three years that Andrew had known him, Neil had been a beautiful distraction and he had never seen Neil really look at anyone, let alone him.

Andrew had accepted a long time ago that the attraction was one-sided. He had long since made his peace with the fact that he was never going to hook up with Neil. That was nice and safe when they were working together.

Nothing about this new arrangement was safe in the slightest. It certainly did not feel safe, staying with Neil in what used to be his, Aaron, and Nicky’s home that had since become Nicky and Erik’s home and soon would be home to a baby soon if the adoption process went well for them, not that Andrew was going to admit that he had read any of the emails about that. But Andrew couldn't refuse, so there they were.

“So,” Neil said as he looked around on the way in. “This was your home growing up.”

“Only after Aaron's mother died,” Andrew told him.

“Fuck you,” Aaron hissed out, like he always did when Andrew brought up Tilda.

“It hasn't even been an hour yet,” Nicky insisted. “Can't you two try to get along for a few minutes?”

“Right,” Neil said, responding only to Andrew even as he eyed Aaron and Nicky. “Thirteen foster homes.”

Nicky looked surprised. Maybe, Andrew hadn't needed to divulge that information to Neil yet. Or, maybe, Neil had just done wonders to convince Nicky with that juicy little tidbit and now they wouldn't have to work quite so hard to pretend to have feelings for each other.

“I'm going to put my stuff upstairs,” Andrew said because he didn't feel like listening to Aaron defend his abusive mother and he didn't feel like seeing how much information about his childhood Nicky would divulge if he was left with Neil for long enough. “Neil.”

“Oh, yes,” Nicky said. “Show him to your room.”

Aaron crinkled his nose like he thought they were going to go have sex then and there while they waited in the kitchen.

Andrew wished they didn't have to share his room, but Nicky expected them to and if one of them slept in Aaron’s old room, Nicky would be bound to come upstairs and find out at some point.

They needed to be convincing, which meant that Andrew led Neil up into his room and muttered out, “I’ll take the floor,” as he tossed his bag in the corner.

By the time he turned around, Neil was sitting on the bed with his duffle bag and he was looking at Andrew in a way too close for Andrew's comfort.

“Back to the game,” Neil said as if it had been killing him to wait until they were alone in Andrew's bedroom together. “It’s my turn.”

Andrew didn't like the way he brought it up like he had been thinking up the perfect question. Andrew didn't like Neil sitting in his bed.

Well, that wasn't quite true. Part of him did like it and that was a whole other problem that he did not need to deal with.

Neil had spoken so fast that Andrew didn't have the chance to be relieved to be away from the others. Maybe, he didn't have to keep up the act that Neil wasn't irritating him anymore, but he did have to expose more truths to Neil and that felt at least as bad. Hopefully, he would be able to get something interesting out of Neil and make it so he wasn't the only one bleeding out information that made him uncomfortable to share.

“What?” Andrew asked, forcing his tone to be indifferent.

“When you made up a fiancé, why did you tell them about me?”

“You existed for when Nicky inevitably looked you up,” Andrew said, although that was only part of the answer. Neil hadn’t asked for an exhaustive list though.

He had asked why and Andrew had given him a reason. That was that. He didn’t need to tell Neil that out of the guys he knew and they didn’t, Neil was the most his type. Neil didn’t need to know it was because Andrew caught himself paying closer attention to him than he should, no matter how many times he scolded himself to stop.

Those truths were inconsequential to the investigation when they revealed the lie and, if everything went as planned, they were truths Neil would never unearth.

“Knowing Nicky, you’re going to have to meet everyone tonight,” Andrew grumbled, half as a change of subject and half because he was annoyed that he was going to be forced to face all of the spouses without even getting some sleep in since the flight.

“Who is everyone?” Neil questioned.

Andrew glanced over at him, “It used to be the people already in this house, but now they all have husbands and wives. We’re going to have to put up with them later.”

“Are you going to tell me their names before they show up?” Neil asked. “Or just let me flounder?”

“Telling you would be out of character,” Andrew said because it was true and because he felt like getting under Neil’s skin again. “Everyone would be suspicious.”

Andrew expected Neil to complain.

Instead, he asked, “Do you really hate them that much?”

“I don’t care about them enough to hate them,” Andrew deadpanned.

“One of them is Thea Muldani, right?” Neil pressed. “Kevin’s wife.”

Andrew resisted the urge to groan. “Don’t tell me you’re a fan.”

“So what if I am?” Neil questioned and Andrew wondered for the tenth time since they had landed what reason he possibly could have had to pick Neil as his fake fiancé. “I’d rather meet her than whoever your twin is married to.”

“You and me both,” Andrew muttered.

“I thought you hated exy,” Neil commented.

“I don’t care enough about exy to hate it,” Andrew retorted.

“But you have something against it,” Neil pressed. “That was pretty obvious from your interaction at the airport. What do you have against it?”

“Five years of playing it,” Andrew told him.

That seemed to surprise Neil, considering the way he was staring at him now.

Andrew ignored him and headed for the door. If he was going to listen to exy talk, he may as well go back downstairs and listen to Kevin instead.

“You played?” Neil said as if that wasn’t what Andrew had just said. “What position?”

Andrew sped up and tried to lose him on the stairs, but Andrew had the lungs of a smoker and Neil was able to keep up with him embarrassingly easily.

“We’re not discussing this,” Andrew told him.

“What happened to knowing everything about each other?” Neil questioned.

“You don’t need to know about that,” Andrew told him. “Playing was better than sitting around juvie doing nothing. That’s it.”

“You were in juvie?” Neil asked. “For what?”

Andrew didn’t like the route this conversation so he brushed it off. “Lots of things. And it’s not your turn.”

“So then ask me a question,” Neil said.

But they were already almost in the kitchen and Andrew didn’t need their game being overheard. Besides, Andrew needed time to come up with a good question and he wasn’t about to spit one out just so that Neil could have another turn and interrogate him again.

* * *

“Hey, Neil!” Nicky called excitedly when he and Andrew came back downstairs. “Come meet my husband. Isn’t he the most gorgeous man you’ve ever seen?”

Neil glanced over at the man who currently had his arm wrapped around Nicky’s waist. Nicky beamed as his husband leaned into him and kissed him on the top of the head before he turned his attention back over to Neil.

When Neil didn’t immediately agree that Erik was the most stunning man who had ever walked the Earth, Nicky laughed and said, “Right, you probably think that about Andrew.”

Neil did not. He had no idea who he thought was the most gorgeous man alive. He hadn’t put much thought into it. Andrew wasn’t bad looking, but Neil certainly was not tripping over his own feet at the sight of him.

“I’m Erik,” Nicky’s husband said. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Neil wondered just how long Andrew had been lying about their supposed relationship as that  _ finally _ hung in the air between them.

“Andrew hasn’t told me much about you,” Neil admitted. “Or anything really.”

Nicky’s smile wavered for a moment, but then spread again. It didn’t reach his eyes this time.

“I wouldn’t expect him to have,” Nicky said.

Maybe Andrew was right that filling him in more would have been out of character, judging by Nicky’s reaction, but it was clear that Nicky was exhausted from Andrew’s caginess too.

* * *

Aaron's wife was the first of the other spouses to show up and when she did, Andrew immediately left Neil on his own and quite blatantly moved as far away from her as possible. Neil was annoyed for a moment, but then she tried to hug Neil and he wished that he had run off with Andrew to avoid her. Still, she was Andrew's annoying family that Andrew had dragged him there to meet. The least Andrew could do was deal with her with him.

"You must be Neil," Aaron's wife said with a great big beaming smile that made Neil uncomfortable. "I'm Katelyn. Welcome to the family."

Neil didn't see why she was the welcoming committee when she wasn't even really Andrew's family. Still, she was more welcoming than Aaron. Somehow, Neil thought he preferred Aaron's blatant distrust to her fake eagerness to get to know him though. He wasn't happy to be here and he was certain she wasn't that excited to meet him either.

"I was so excited when Aaron told me that Andrew was engaged to someone," Katelyn said. "I mean, I could hardly believe it. I was starting to think that Andrew was never going to find someone who could handle him."

Something about that rubbed Neil the wrong way. He didn't like Andrew, but he wasn't supposed to like Andrew. She was supposed to be a part of his family, even if it was just by marriage. She shouldn't have been saying things like that about him, especially to someone she thought wanted to marry Andrew.

"Starting to think?" Aaron asked. "I didn't think he'd find anyone who would be willing to date him, let alone marry him.”

"Well, obviously you were wrong," Neil snapped and he didn't know why he said it.

He didn’t want to talk to them anymore, so he turned away to go listen to Nicky gush about his husband some more.

* * *

Neil was relieved when Thea showed up. At least there was one spouse he was excited to meet, although he was still uncomfortable with the idea of being around Kevin and he was terrified that Kevin would figure out he was lying and blow this all. Still, Thea was a professional exy player and that was utterly fascinating to Neil. He wanted to know all about what it was like. He wanted to know about her team. He felt a kind of morbid curiosity about her life. He wanted to know more about what he had almost had.

Thea didn’t seem overly eager to meet him. She was polite for the most part, but she didn’t talk to him for any longer than was necessary. To Neil’s relief, she didn’t ask him any questions about himself other than about his past playing exy. She seemed to have no interest in his current life and that made conversation with her a lot easier.

When she and Neil started talking about Thea’s team and how they were doing so far that season, Andrew stalked away like he couldn’t bear listening to it any longer.

Neil thought that it was rude, but Kevin and Thea didn’t seem surprised. Neil guessed they must be used to Andrew and his off-putting personality if they knew him well enough for Kevin to be considered his family.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Trigger warning for some mentions of Drake in this chapter.**

Dinner was awkward. Neil was glad that he has the excuse of stuffing his face with food to prevent him from having to talk too much.

Nicky and Erik and Katelyn were happy to carry most of the conversation and Neil was relieved. This was everyone but Kevin and Andrew’s first time meeting him though and obviously they were surprised and curious to get to know the man that Andrew was apparently going to marry.

Neil answered most questions in as few words as possible. Some he brushed off. Others, Andrew fielded for him but for every true answer Andrew gave, he answered another question with a blatant lie. It was clear he was doing his best to get under Neil’s skin when he knew that Neil couldn’t argue and Neil resented him for ever bringing him there.

Just when Neil thought that he was going to make it through this dinner angry with Andrew but without raising his family’s suspicions too much, Aaron stared him down across the table and asked, “So, you’re his assistant. Huh?”

The question could have been innocent. It was clear from Aaron’s face, which was so much more expressive than Andrew’s matching one, that the question was not. He was sizing up the man that Andrew had decided to marry and it was clear that he didn’t trust him. The fact that Andrew had never introduced Neil to them until then or told them about him until knew how long after the supposed proposal probably did not help that.

“Were you trying to sleep your way to the top?” Aaron asked. “Or did you just not want to have to worry about doing your job well?”

“Shut up,” Andrew said. He was leaning forward now, with his hand dangerously close to his knife. It did not look like he was going to use it, but it was clear he wanted them to be aware that he was capable of using it.

Neil was surprised that the accusation bothered Andrew at all when people said worse about him all the time.

Katelyn slapped her husband in the arm and gave Neil an apologetic look that meant nothing to him.

“Aaron,” Nicky said and then he glanced over at Andrew and said, “Both of you. Stop. Can’t we just have one nice meal before the fighting starts?”

Andrew might be a difficult boss, but that did not mean that Neil was having sex with him to work less and get more reward. Neil couldn’t tell if Aaron was being protective of his twin or assuming the worst out of him. Maybe both.

“I am not sleeping with Andrew to get ahead. I work my ass off for him every day, but it’s nice to know that you think that your brother can’t handle himself and he would let anybody take advantage of him,” Neil growled out. “You can take your accusation and shove it up your ass.”

Neil expected an argument out of Aaron, or at least the indifference or amusement he had grown used to out of Andrew. Instead, Aaron glanced over at Andrew confused and then looked to Nicky for help.

Neil didn’t understand what was happening. Was Nicky supposed to argue with Neil for him?

When Aaron spoke again, it was in German and it was directed at Andrew.

“He doesn’t know. Does he?”

Neil had already told Andrew about his time in Germany on the plane. The others didn’t know that he could speak German though.

Andrew’s features were still composed, but his whole body had gone unnaturally stiff. No one seemed to notice and if they did, they didn’t care.

“Don’t,” Andrew said. He spoke in German, even though he had to know Neil could understand. Neil couldn’t tell if he was telling Aaron to stop talking or telling him not to ask. Probably both.

“You’re _marrying_ him,” Aaron insisted in German.

“I don’t have to tell him anything,” Andrew said. “I do not owe anyone the story.”

“Aaron,” Nicky cut in, also in German. “Just leave it out of this. Drake’s dead. Andrew’s happy. We don’t need to discuss him.”

“We don’t discuss anything,” Aaron insisted. The bitterness was clear in his tone. “Andrew never will because he doesn’t care about anything.”

Andrew did not look like he didn’t care about anything. Under the table, Neil could see that his hand was clenched into a fist so tight that his knuckles had gone white. Neil wanted to know what they were talking about but showing he that understood them would gather attention and questions he didn’t want to deal with and it would ensure that they wouldn’t spill out any more information thinking that he couldn’t understand them.

“You’re marrying him and you let him talk like that?” Aaron asked. “He seems real nice.”

“He doesn’t know,” Nicky tried, but Aaron turned to glare at him.

“You’re taking his side?” Aaron asked. “You’re just going to let him marry someone who says shit like that and doesn’t even know?”

Nicky looked miserable and uncertain what to do. Erik gripped his hand and cut in, “He’s not taking sides. Andrew made his decision. Don’t blame Nicky because you don’t like Andrew’s choices.”

“What makes you think Nicky could stop me from marrying him?” Andrew challenged. “This conversation is over. We are not dredging up the past.”

There was a horrible silence and for a moment, Neil thought that Aaron was going to argue. But, eventually, Aaron went back to eating, stabbing his food a little too aggressively with his fork. Katelyn’s hand was on Aaron’s other on top of the table, although she did not seem to understand any of what had just happened and what her husband had started.

It was sickeningly silent other than the sound of cutlery hitting plates for a minute. Andrew’s knuckles were still white under the table.

“So,” Nicky said in a cheery tone that rang false. “I still can’t believe that Andrew’s really getting married. This is so exciting! When’s the wedding?”

“We haven’t decided yet,” Andrew said.

Neil expected Nicky to push further, but he didn’t. Something in Andrew’s tone must have warned him against it.

The rest of the meal was filled with awkward small talk. It was a long time before Andrew’s shoulders relaxed again.

* * *

“So,” Nicky said when he had seemingly perked up after dinner as they sat in the living room. Andrew and his family were drinking. Neil was not. “Who proposed to who?”

“Andrew proposed to me,” Neil said before Andrew could try to twist the story against him.

“I want to hear how it happened,” Katelyn said. “Was it romantic?”

For a moment, Neil couldn’t stand her even more. Then, he realized what an opportunity she was giving him to annoy Andrew like Andrew annoyed him so much.

“I didn’t think Andrew knew how to be romantic, but he proved me wrong,” Neil said and he felt a sense of satisfaction as Andrew glared at him like he was contemplating the best way to kill him. “I came home to our apartment and there were flowers everywhere. I don’t know where he got them all. He was all dressed up in a suit and I’ve never seen Andrew nervous before, but his hands were shaking so hard that he could hardly get the ring box open.”

“Neil ugly cried before I even asked him,” Andrew cut in, apparently deciding that he wanted to embarrass Neil in return. “He was bawling like a baby too much to answer. It was disgusting. I considered taking my proposal back.”

“But he didn’t,” Neil insisted. “He practically begged me to marry him. He went on and on about how much he needed me so I had to say yes.”

Nicky was beaming and getting emotional like he had never expected this for Andrew. He probably hadn’t. Neil couldn’t blame him.

“That’s adorable,” Katelyn told them. Neil couldn’t tell if she meant it or if she was just trying to make polite conversation.

Aaron was making no attempts at polite conversation. He looked between Andrew and Neil like he was suspicious of their story and Neil felt his stomach churn. He had wanted to get back at Andrew, not make Aaron doubt their lies even more.

“That’s so cute,” Nicky insisted. “You two should kiss.”

Neil was horrified. He knew he should have seen something like this coming, but he hadn’t considered the possibility that he would have to kiss Andrew so soon and with everyone watching to see if it looked like there was chemistry between them.

“No,” Andrew said and Neil was relieved and worried at the same time.

He didn’t want to kiss Andrew. He was afraid Andrew’s refusal would ruin their act.

“Oh, come on,” Nicky insisted. “We all know you kiss. You’re getting married.”

“I do not do public displays of affection,” Andrew insisted.

Neil was relieved when the attention was shifted off of their proposal when someone new knocked at the door.

“Renee, hello,” Andrew said as he opened the door. “About time you got here.”

Renee stepped through the doorway and hugged him and Neil was surprised when Andrew didn’t just let her but hugged her back. He had dodged Nicky’s hug at the airport, but he apparently had been waiting for this woman who he let hug him now.

Neil wondered if there was something between them. He wondered why she wasn’t his fake significant other instead. He hoped that Andrew wouldn’t start something with her and go back on his deal as soon as he had a shot with someone he was actually interested in.

“I wish I could have made it for dinner,” Renee said, although Neil did not think that she had missed out on anything remotely enjoyable. She pulled away from Andrew and turned a phony looking smile on Neil as she said, “Oh, you must be Neil. I have heard so much about you.”

Neil didn’t trust her already. There was no reason that Andrew would have told her anything about him, let alone a lot. They had only been engaged for a matter of days and their relationship wasn’t even real. She was trying to cozy up to him and he didn’t have room for her lies stacked alongside his own.

“Really?” Neil asked.

“Really,” she said. Her fake smile didn’t falter. “It’s so nice to finally meet you.”

Neil didn’t tell her it was nice to meet her back. He had already lied enough for one evening.

* * *

About fifteen minutes after Renee’s arrival, Neil found himself stranded in a room with Andrew's whole family while Andrew and Renee had mysteriously disappeared together. They'd gone upstairs, not outside, which was not subtle in the slightest.

Neil couldn't believe that Andrew had really left him there to get to know his family as his fiancé while Andrew took a woman up to his bedroom. It wasn't making their act remotely convincing and Neil was furious as he was left to fend off questions for himself.

If Andrew had a girlfriend, why couldn't he use her to get his cousin off his back instead of dragging Neil into this mess? What if Andrew did decide to cut Neil out of the deal and ended up with Renee and told his whole family?

Neil could not believe he was going to get deported because Andrew couldn't keep his hands off of Renee.

* * *

“Neil seems nice,” Renee noted when she and Andrew were alone in his room.

“He's not,” Andrew told her.

“How long have you been together?” She asked, utterly unfazed by his correction.

“We’re not,” Andrew said bluntly.

“You're engaged,” she countered.

“Nothing is happening,” Andrew pointed out. “I do not think he's interested in men. We have an arrangement. We get married so he gets to stay in the country and I get Nicky off my back about when I am ever going to find someone to marry.”

“Do you want him to be interested in men?” Renee asked.

Andrew blinked back at her for a moment.

“Fine. You want nothing,” she said. “But if he was interested in men?”

“It would change nothing,” Andrew said. He tried to convince himself to believe his own words. “He is my employee.”

Andrew tried to ignore the voice in his head that said _for now_. Sure, Neil was getting his promotion as a part of their deal and because if Andrew had been willing to put up with a new assistant, Neil probably should have already gotten one long ago. But Andrew couldn't start something with him right after a promotion or when he was helping keep him in the country.

Neil might be interesting, but it did not matter. If anything happened between them, Andrew would not know if it was Neil acting because of some power Andrew had over him and his future. Neil was utterly off limits no matter what.

“Get a different assistant,” Renee said. “You're going to have to anyway now that you're marrying him.”

“He's off limits,” Andrew insisted. “Besides, he likes exy. He used to play with Kevin. He's just as nice on the eyes and just as hopeless as Kevin.”

“Except, Kevin didn't agree to marry you,” Renee countered. “You like him.”

“I like looking at him,” Andrew corrected. “His personality is unbearable.”

* * *

“I thought you didn’t swing,” Kevin commented when he cornered Neil later that evening. “I guess you just didn’t want the team to know which way.”

Neil had insisted that he didn’t swing either way back in university. That had been one of the only true things Neil had told his teammates. Now, he bristled at being assumed a liar about the one true thing he had admitted back then.

It was worse that he couldn’t even argue. It physically pained him to hold back his retort and let Kevin think he was right without a fight. This was going to be a very very long visit.

Neil had been Neil Josten for too long. He hadn't exactly grown comfortable in this identity, but it had grown familiar to him and he was more than a little reluctant to give it up. He had worked hard as Neil Josten. He might still have to distance himself from people and be careful, but he had built a life as Neil Josten. He had put in hard work that was finally going to pay off if he and Andrew somehow managed to convince people whose job it was to determine if marriages were frauds or not that they really truly loved each other and weren't just barely enduring each other because they had goals that lined up and they were both stupid and reckless enough and Neil was desperate enough that they thought having to pretend to love each other was a reasonable solution.

But now Kevin Day was one of the people that Neil had to convince and that threw a wrench into everything. Neil's specialty was not knowing anyone for too long and not getting too close to anyone. He thrived on distancing himself and on moving on before anyone could catch on to his lies. He and Kevin had spent a lot of time together when they were both on the team. It was impossible to avoid the team with all the practices and games together and days and nights spent on the team bus or in the same dorm. Kevin had even been Neil's roommate.

They hadn't exactly been friends. Neil was careful not to make friends because friends were at risk themselves and more importantly, friends would be a risk to him and his identity. Friends wanted to know everything. Friends asked a lot of questions. Friends were more likely to realize that your lies didn't add up.

Neil hadn’t had friends in university like he hadn't had friends since he was a little kid too young to listen to his mother's warnings not to talk to the other kids and to keep information about their family to themselves, but Kevin was the closest thing to a friend Neil had in university. Neil had made a point of keeping to himself and Kevin had done the same. For the first few weeks, Neil had avoided his dorm completely unless he needed to change or sleep because he was terrified that his roommate would want to know too much about him, but eventually he had run out of places to hide out and avoid him and he had started sticking around a little longer and had realized he didn't really have much to worry about.

Kevin was usually busy reading, or watching highlights or games, or working on homework, or listening to his horrible classical music and ignoring Neil, or getting in extra practices when he should have been sleeping and Neil had liked that. There had been something comforting about the complete lack of expectation for him to interact with Kevin. They were comfortable living separate lives in the same dorm for the most part.

Sometimes, they would watch games together. Sometimes, Neil would take Kevin up on his offers for extra practices and training. Kevin invited him because Neil needed to prove himself and improve and apparently he felt responsible for Neil's failures since he had fought for Neil to be recruited for some reason that Neil could not imagine.

Kevin had not been trying to build a friendship, he had just been trying to build a better team and that made spending so much extra time with him feel safer to Neil. Still, sometimes if he felt himself getting too close to Kevin, he would distance himself and claim he had plans for the night. Usually, he pretended he had to work on a group assignment with people from one of his classes and then went for a run to clear his head. He usually came back after Kevin had left for the court and avoided his actual homework that he should have been working on while he had the dorm to himself.

Being trained by Kevin had been an honour for Neil, even though Kevin was the definition of a hardass. Kevin was just as hard on himself as he was good. He was more than good. He had been the greatest before he had gotten injured and been forced to quit exy. Neil had spent his university years in awe of Kevin and wishing that he could get closer to him and terrified that he had already slipped and let himself care too much about him when he wasn't supposed to care about anyone else at all.

It had been jarring how much Kevin's injury had gotten to Neil. Neil was supposed to worry about his own well-being and no one else's. That was how he survived. That was what his mother had taught him. Other people were collateral damage and Neil couldn't afford to worry about them or else he would just go down with them. Kevin wasn't even fatally injured. He'd had a brutal break to his hand but he would live, even if his exy career would not.

Neil should not have felt sick to his stomach about it. He shouldn't have been worrying about Kevin. The dorm shouldn't have felt so hollow and empty when he came back from his classes the next day to find all of Kevin's things gone from it. It shouldn't have mattered to him that Kevin wouldn't be returning to the team or that he was taking a semester off and then finishing his university credits somewhere else. If anything, Neil should have been relieved that he had his dorm to himself when that made it easier to keep his secrets and keep himself detached from the rest of the team.

Up until he and Andrew had arrived at the airport, Neil hadn't seen or heard from Kevin since he had left the locker room to the sight of Kevin with his bloodied hand clutched to his chest, wild in the eyes and babbling in shock as he was escorted to a car that would take him to the hospital. Kevin had cleared out the dorm when he wasn't there and hadn't left any information. All the information the team had gotten had come from the coach and from the media after Kevin had already left the team and the university.

Seeing Kevin again had been a mix of dread and horror, but there was a part of Neil deep down inside that was just as in awe of him now as he used to be and Neil wanted to squash that down like a bug and flee, but then Andrew wouldn't marry Neil and Neil wouldn't get to stay in the country and being Neil Josten wouldn't matter anymore anyway.

It was almost a relief that Kevin was being so unbearable now. Neil had forgotten just how annoying Kevin could be in the years since he had last seen him. He remembered Kevin as the amazing and composed player he was. He had forgotten that he was also almost as irritating as Andrew. Maybe, it wouldn't be so hard to keep himself from letting himself get too close after all. Kevin was annoying and dangerous, so Neil was just going to avoid him as much as possible for his time in Columbia. He wouldn't let himself talk to him alone and would try to make sure that he didn't let Andrew listen to any of their conversations, lest he and his annoyingly astute perception catch on that something wasn't right. That would keep him safe and he needed to be careful.

Neil Josten was an identity that had evolved over time. Details had formed and shifted to fit things as he lived longer and longer as Neil Josten. The lies that he had told in university to try to deflect his teammates' questions were far enough behind him that he was afraid that he would forget some of them and slip up and say something that totally contradicted some obscure detail he forgot ever making up and that Kevin would realize that Neil Josten was who Neil had made himself into and not his true identity. He was afraid Kevin would hear a lie and tip Andrew off and Andrew wouldn't stop until he pulled the truth out of Neil to amuse himself. He was afraid that even if Kevin didn't catch on to Neil's past lies and inconsistencies that he would still catch on that there was something off between Neil and Andrew.

Neil might have kept a careful guard up around Kevin back in university, but they had spent years in the same dorm and Neil was utterly terrified that there were parts of himself that he wouldn't be able to hide. What if Kevin could recognize Neil's thinly veiled annoyance after it had been directed at him so many times before? What if he thought more on Neil's former insistence that he didn't swing and started to wonder why in the world he would swing now, let alone for Andrew? What if he figured out the lies and they couldn't convince him to keep them to himself?

Or, worse, what if Kevin really truly believed that Andrew Minyard was the kind of person that Neil could love? Neil might have made sure that Kevin didn't know much about him, but he still must have known something. Being a part of a team had been one of the first things that had made Neil feel like a real person and for some reason it made him feel less real to think that, even after all these years, a part of the team could know so little about him that he would believe that Neil would voluntarily marry Andrew Minyard out of love.

The lies protected Neil, but sometimes it was hard to figure out who he really was behind them all and maybe a twisted part of him wished that Kevin would see through the lie, even though that idea filled him with dread and horror.

* * *

When they were alone in Andrew’s room that night, Neil asked, “Who is Drake?”

“A dead man not worth talking about,” Andrew said.

“Your brother doesn’t seem to think so,” Neil pointed out.

“Aaron thinks a lot of things are important that are not,” Andrew said. “And we are not discussing this any further.”

Neil wanted to know what had been enough to make Andrew so upset and uncomfortable when Neil had never seen a reaction like that out of him before. But it was ominous to see Andrew uncomfortable and Neil did not want to push it further.

“What did I say that made him argue like that?” Neil asked. “If you don’t want me saying it again, tell me what it was.”

“Your words cannot hurt me,” Andrew told him. “And if you say a word I do not like I will tell you.”

Neil decided to drop the conversation because clearly Andrew was not interested in continuing it and Neil didn’t want to continue making Andrew think about whatever it was that had made him so uncomfortable. Andrew had his things he did not want to talk about like Neil had his. Maybe, if Neil didn’t press, Andrew wouldn’t either.

“Why do you know German?” Neil asked.

“Erik is from Germany,” Andrew said. “Nicky lived with him in Germany before he took us in. We both took German in high school so Nicky could help us get an easy credit. Cutting other people out of conversations is just a bonus.”

“You can’t cut Erik out though,” Neil pointed out.

“Too bad,” Andrew said. “Nicky isn’t interested in learning another language without Erik so we are stuck with him. Do you speak any other secret languages besides German and French?”

Neil had told him about those ones because he had spent more time learning those and he was more fluent, but he hadn’t told Andrew about some of the ones he was less fluent in.

“I know some Spanish and Russian too,” Neil said.

“Maybe I should learn how to tell you to shut up in Russian so I don’t have to ruin our act doing it in German or English,” Andrew suggested.

Neil couldn’t tell if it was a joke or not. He wouldn’t put it past Andrew to be serious about it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Trigger warning for brief mention of past self-harm without going into any detail in this chapter.**

Neil woke up early and needed to get out of the house to clear his mind and get some fresh air. Neil had never been claustrophobic, but it felt hard to breathe, stuck sleeping in a room with Andrew and in a house with his nosy cousin and said nosy cousin’s husband.

Neil needed some normalcy to help calm him down and a normal morning for Neil meant getting up at five in the morning to go for a run before work.

Neil tried hard not to wake Andrew up on the floor and he thought he was doing a pretty good job of moving through the room silently, but Andrew stirred and shot him a death glare on his way out anyway.

Apparently, he wasn’t glad that Neil had woken up before it was light out. Or, maybe, he was just annoyed that he’d given Neil the bed and Neil had gotten up at five in the morning while he slept on the floor.

Good. Neil hated staying here. Andrew could hate them being there too. It served him right for dragging him there.

Neil went for a run until his legs hurt and his mind was clear and then headed back to the house, even though it was one of the last things he wanted to do. He couldn’t avoid Andrew’s family forever though.

Maybe, he could convince Andrew to leave with him and they could pretend they were going to do some couple thing and they could go their separate ways.

“Neil!” Nicky said excitedly when he walked back into the house. “Where were you?”

“I went for a run,” Neil told him, wondering why that wasn’t apparent from his activewear and his sweaty appearance.

“Oh, you’re a runner,” Nicky said as if that was utterly fascinating to him.

“Every morning,” Neil said as he silently wondered how much small talk he had to make before Nicky would let him go take a shower.

“Does Andrew ever go with you?” Nicky asked.

Neil resisted the urge to laugh.

Well.

He _mostly_ resisted the urge to laugh at the idea.

There may have been a bit of a scoff.

“Yeah right,” Neil told him. “I’ve seen him get winded from a flight of stairs. He would die on one of my runs.”

Maybe, he should take Andrew along for one after all. He should have lied and said Andrew went with him every morning and he’d just let him sleep in this time. He’d missed a golden opportunity to torture Andrew.

Nicky laughed at Neil’s joke. Maybe, he wasn’t quite as bad as the others.

“Breakfast is almost done,” Nicky told him. “Tell Andrew on your way to the shower. Or while you’re in the shower together. Whatever works for you.”

Okay. Maybe, Nicky was just as bad as everyone else.

When Neil got to the top of the stairs, Andrew was just coming out of the bathroom, still in the sweats and long-sleeved shirt he had slept in the night before.

“If you’re going to get up at five in the morning to run every day, I’m calling the wedding off,” Andrew deadpanned.

“Too late,” Neil pointed out. He held his hand up for dramatic effect as he pointed out, “You already proposed. And I’m already holding up my end of the deal.”

Neil expected a witty comeback. Andrew just stared at him. That was even more unsettling.

“Nicky says breakfast is almost ready,” Neil told him.

They stood there making uncomfortable eye contact for a moment longer before Andrew asked, “Are you going to get out of my way?”

It was only then that Neil realized he had been blocking Andrew from leaving the bathroom, standing right in front of the doorframe where Andrew had stopped.

“Oh,” he said and took a step back.

Andrew stepped past him and Neil stepped into the bathroom and turned the shower on.

It was only after he had taken his shower when he was drying himself off, that he realized how stupid he had been. He had been so distracted by Andrew that he had forgotten to bring his clothes into the washroom with him. He couldn’t even look at his chest in the mirror without flinching, so the last thing he wanted to do was leave the bathroom looking like this.

Still, Andrew should be downstairs eating breakfast by now and no one else was staying upstairs. It really wasn’t that long of a walk from the middle of the hallway to the end. He was fast. He could make it and then he would be safe inside the closed bedroom.

Or so he thought.

He made it down the hallway perfectly fine. That wasn’t the problem.

The problem was that Andrew was still in the bedroom when Neil made it there with just a towel draped around his waist.

Andrew looked up when he entered the room and stood frozen and rigid in what Neil could only assume was a reflection of his own reaction to being caught shirtless with all of his scars on display.

He wasn’t the only one with scars out though. Andrew was standing in a t-shirt, with one black armband on and the other only over his hand. He had frozen partway through pulling it on when Neil had walked in and the flesh of his wrist was scarred too.

It was only then that Neil realized he had never seen Andrew out of a long-sleeved shirt before.

They just stood like that for a breath or two, then Andrew yanked his armband the rest of the way on and the spell was broken. They both had fuel for questions now. Neil wanted to know about Andrew’s scars but didn’t want to explain his own, let alone acknowledge them.

“You were supposed to be downstairs,” Neil said because he didn’t know what else to say.

Andrew stared at him for a moment longer and then asked, “Where did you get those?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Neil lied.

“It does matter,” Andrew insisted. “Those are the kind of things your fiancé should know about.”

“So are yours,” Neil retorted. “Where did you get yours?”

Andrew stared him down for a moment longer and then pushed his way out of the room.

Neil let out a sigh of relief when the door fell closed behind him and he fell with his back against the wood, waiting for his heart rate to calm down.

None of this was worth Andrew finding out about the scars. Neil didn’t let anyone see them, let alone Andrew who was sure to find a way to use this against him. There was absolutely no way Neil was going to tell him how he got them.

At least, he could guess how Andrew had gotten the scars on his wrist. He just didn’t know why.

Maybe, he didn’t need to know if it meant not explaining the origin of his own scars. It was a strange thing to think that Andrew had been in a state of mind to cut himself. It was strange to think that Andrew had been hiding his own scars all along.

* * *

Neil didn’t want to face Andrew after all of his scars had just been on display to him and when he was still too rattled to hold his guards all the way up, but he couldn’t avoid going downstairs forever and they were expecting him at breakfast.

Andrew was already sitting at the kitchen table when Neil came downstairs. He glanced over at Neil and Neil quickly broke the eye contact and turned his attention toward Nicky.

“Here,” Nicky said as he held a mug out toward him. “I made you coffee.”

Neil was a little weary about accepting it. He took it, but he stared down at it instead of drinking it. He knew the amount of sugar Andrew liked in his coffee and there was clearly already milk in that cup. What if there were 40 ounces of sugar in there too?

“Don’t worry,” Nicky told him. “Andrew told me you don’t like sugar.”

Neil nodded because he didn’t know what to say. He took a sip of the coffee because he was thirsty and because Nicky was looking at him expectantly and that was easier than coming up with a response.

When Nicky turned away, Neil glanced over at Andrew because he was surprised that Andrew knew anything about his preferences or had noticed, let alone had let on that he knew to get Nicky to give Neil his coffee the way that he liked. Neil was surprised Andrew hadn’t lied and made Neil drink whatever was given to him while he watched him have to pretend to enjoy it because Andrew was supposed to know his preferences and care about them as his fiancé.

Neil knew Andrew’s coffee order because he brought him it every day. He wasn’t sure why he was so taken aback by Andrew knowing that he didn’t like sugary stuff or that he was acting on that knowledge, except for the fact that Andrew really didn’t need to do that and Neil had gotten comfortable with the way they had been pushing each other’s nerves trying to be convincing but trying to take advantage of any opportunity to annoy each other with lies meant to embarrass and annoy the other without giving away the lie. Andrew had gone and messed with their routine telling Nicky what kind of coffee to give him but, at the same time, there was absolutely no reason for Andrew to have told him the right thing and Neil was having a hard time coming to terms with the idea that Andrew noticed anything about him and his preferences.

“What are you looking at?” Andrew questioned.

Neil was saved from having to answer that and not being able to answer it without snapping at Andrew and ruining the act by a knock at the door.

Erik called out from another room that he would get it and Neil turned his attention in the direction of the door to watch for who it was so that he wouldn’t say something stupid.

When Erik entered the kitchen, there was a woman Neil had not seen before standing beside him.

“Bee,” Andrew said and there was something in his voice that wasn’t quite emotion, but was certainly closer to it than Neil had heard in Andrew’s tone before. “We missed you at dinner last night.”

Andrew stood up at her arrival.

“I wish I could have made it,” she said and she shot Andrew a beaming smile. Something about her was getting under Neil’s skin already. That only grew deeper when she reached out to hug Andrew and he let her, although he did not particularly hug her back. “How are you, Andrew?”

“Haven’t you heard?” Andrew asked. “I’m engaged. I’m great.”

The words sounded sarcastic to Neil, but maybe that was because they were said without a shred of emotion in his tone. Neil did not think that they were going to convince whoever this woman was that they were genuinely happy together at all from that complete lack of conviction in Andrew’s voice.

“And you,” Bee said as she turned her attention on Neil. “You must be Neil, Andrew’s lucky man.”

She stepped closer, trying to hug Neil, and he dodged instinctively. The dodge was not smooth. He practically fell out of his chair.

“Okay, no hug then,” Bee said. She was clearly making a very intentional effort at it as she held her smile in place. “It’s so nice to finally meet you. I’m Betsy Dobson, but Andrew calls me Bee. You can too if you’d like.”

There was that _finally_ again. Neil wondered all over again just how long Andrew had been lying about being engaged to him for.

Neil didn’t tell her that he was glad to meet her because she already had an uncomfortable air about her and he wished that he could stop meeting her and not have to interact with her again.

“Bee is a psychiatrist,” Nicky said and suddenly Neil understood why she gave off such an unnerving vibe. “A miracle worker really, but she’s more than that too. Now, she’s family.”

Neil had thought that Andrew’s family was bad enough before he had found out that one of them was also a psychiatrist who was probably going to psychoanalyze his every move.

He didn’t want to talk to her, so he took another swig of his coffee.

“Andrew,” Bee said. “Would you like to go catch up?”

Neil expected Andrew to refuse because he had never seen Andrew want to talk to anyone about anything but, instead, Andrew nodded his head and followed her out of the room. Neil was glad to see them go, even if he was left alone with Nicky and Erik.

Erik peeked over his husband’s shoulder at the eggs he was cooking and then took a seat at the kitchen table, where Nicky already had a cup of coffee waiting for him. Some of it had spilled on the table when Neil had bumped it, trying to get out of Bee’s path as quickly as possible.

“Bee is like a mother to Andrew,” Nicky said although Neil had not asked. “Andrew didn’t have one growing up, but he found her as an adult. He won’t admit it, but it’s clear. He never trusted anyone like that before her.”

Wasn’t that just perfect? Neil wondered how things could possibly keep getting worse from there.

* * *

 “So,” Bee said when she and Andrew were in a room alone together. “How are you _really_ doing?”

“Great,” Andrew said again in the same tone, although that was not necessarily true. He was having less bad days though so it wasn’t as much of a lie as it could have been.

“I’m so happy that you found your person,” Bee told him enthusiastically. She was proud of him for finding someone. She was proud that he was engaged. It was clear in his tone. “You have come such a long way. Tell me about Neil.”

Andrew hadn’t told Bee much about Neil over the phone because it was better to keep his lies as minimal as possible and if he had said too much about Neil, she would have been more likely to expect to get to meet him.

But now Neil was in the loop on the lies and Bee was not. Andrew did not want to let her down, so he could not tell her that this wedding was for fraud purposes like he had told Renee.

Bee was happy for him. Bee was _proud_ of him.

She thought that he was doing so much better and so much happier and his future was looking bright. He didn’t have the heart to disappoint her and admit what was really going on and he certainly did not want to hear her psychiatrist thoughts on why he was doing this for Neil and what he should be doing instead.

Bee thought this was a big step when really it was a big mess Andrew had signed himself on for, so he was going to let her believe that he really loved Neil. Maybe, if she was lucky, he would even tell her a few real truths about what it was like to be around Neil instead of just feeding her all the same lies as he fed Nicky.

“He is frustratingly interesting,” Andrew admitted. “He piqued my curiosity and got in my head and I couldn’t get him back out.”

* * *

 Andrew and Bee still hadn’t come back when Kevin showed up. Nicky was keeping breakfast warm for Bee and Andrew and he offered Kevin breakfast, but Kevin declined. That didn’t stop him from sitting down at the table beside Neil.

"So," Kevin said. "Andrew's assistant, huh? I thought you were supposed to go pro."

"I thought you were too," Neil retorted.

He hadn't meant his words to come off so harsh, but he couldn't quite make himself regret it. Kevin's injury had been horrible and out of his control and Kevin had dropped off the face of the Earth after it. When Kevin had disappeared, Neil had worried about him, even though Neil had known he was never supposed to worry about anyone but himself.

But the way Kevin had said that he had thought Neil had been supposed to go pro had come off as incredibly demeaning and Neil’s temper had flared up. Neil _had_ been supposed to go pro. They both had. Kevin had been training Neil to be good enough to go pro and to improve the team.

Neil had nearly signed to a professional team. He had been offered a position as a striker on one when he graduated. He had nearly signed the papers, but at the last moment he had changed his mind. He had decided that the spotlight would be too large.

Neil had felt exposed enough on a university exy team. The attention he would have gotten on a professional team would have been too much. He had known it was too big of a risk, even if it had felt like a dream. Being on a university team had been difficult enough, even if it was a privilege he had never expected to experience.

A professional team would have been too great of a risk, so Neil had ripped the contract up and every day since then he had wondered what would have happened if he had signed it instead. He wondered if he would be dead by now. He wondered if the time before his death would have made that worth it.

Neil had started working as an assistant because it was a great way to go unnoticed and not have his personal life questioned and because if he wanted to survive he needed to blend in. That had worked great for a few months before he got fired because of his bad attitude.

Then, he had gotten a new job and got fired a few months in again. The same thing happened at a third job shortly after.

Interviews didn't go so well after that.

For a while, Neil wasn't sure that he would ever get a job again. Then he had been interviewed by Andrew. He had been sure he had already lost his shot at the job when Andrew said, "I called your references. They all say you have an attitude problem."

Neil had done what he always did and had lied. "That's a misunderstanding. They had a personal problem with me."

Andrew had asked, "Both? Liar."

And then he had burst into laughter and offered him the job. Neil had been beyond confused. He thought maybe it would make more sense after he had worked for Andrew for a while when he'd had time to study him some and understand him better.

Standing in Nicky and Erik’s kitchen now, Neil was no less confused about why he had been hired after that interview than he had been the day Andrew had hired him.

Working for Andrew had been miserable. Neil couldn't always control his attitude, although he tried very hard. He didn't need to be noticed and the way Andrew watched him and questioned him and seemed so amused when he got upset only made him angrier. He couldn't have an outburst at Andrew though. He couldn't afford to lose the job and have another bad reference when he wanted this identity to be his last.

So, Neil bit his tongue as best he could and was glad Andrew didn't have enough feelings to get them hurt by Neil's snippy comments that he sometimes couldn't hold back. When Neil got too angry, he went and ranted to Matt, another assistant in the office, saying all of the nasty things about Andrew that he couldn't afford to say to his face.

The first year, Neil had just been worried about keeping his job and keeping attention off of himself. But when he had been there for a year, he realized that Andrew was never going to go through with his casual threats to fire him. Somehow, Neil had made himself indispensable and he wanted to keep it that way. He wanted to get something for himself out of it instead of being the one stuck seeing to Andrew's every whim.

Every day, while he did meaningless task after meaningless task for Andrew, Neil thought about just how close he had come to being a professional exy player and how much better his life could have been if he had signed, if only he weren't the son of Nathan Wesninski and Mary Hatford.

A few months into that first year, Neil had gotten a hunger to do something to leave a mark on the world that said that Neil Josten was there and real and _something_. He couldn't turn back time and sign that contract and that would have been too dangerous anyway. But he could leave a different kind of mark. Authors were in the spotlight, but unless they were particularly successful, most people couldn't tell you what they looked like. Neil Josten was just a name without his face. It would be easier to remain anonymous with a published book than on tv, playing professional exy, even if his window for that hadn’t already closed anyway.

At first, Neil hadn't realized what he'd been doing. He'd tried running from his past and tried to forget it so hard. But when the nightmares kept coming and he couldn't sleep, he started writing. His words were violent and horrible and he wanted to delete the file. He didn't touch the document again for a few weeks. It was too much. It made him feel too much like his father writing about those horrible things.

They weren't his father's crimes. Not exactly. But Neil knew where his knowledge of some of the gorier details came from. He couldn't fool himself.

It was nearly a month before he went back to it. Plenty of people wrote fictional crime novels and that didn't mean that they were serial killers or had inherited a bloodlust from their serial killer fathers. Plenty of people wrote horribly inaccurate crime novels that made Neil want to roll his eyes back into his head. One time, Neil had made the mistake of trying to correct how long a man could survive before bleeding out after having his limbs cut off and Andrew had looked at him like he was studying him closely for so long that Neil had never pointed out any other inaccuracy with anything to do with any kind of violence again.

But writing a crime novel was different from following in his father’s footsteps, so Neil let himself go back to writing it. He told himself no one would ever see it. He told himself that he could write a better crime novel than all of those phonies who had never witnessed true crime in their lives. He told himself that someone had to write a book that made sense. He told himself he would delete it after, but he didn't.

It felt good to get the words out. It felt good to know the killer would die in the end. This story was something to distract himself with and something to occupy his mind instead of just worrying about being found by his father’s men and wondering about what could have been.

Neil had no friends or family to spend time with. He worked on his manuscript and went back and forth on what he would do with it. He was done it in a few months. It was a few more before he told Andrew that he had written it, only to have Andrew ask, "So?"

Neil had swallowed his pride and gritted his teeth and asked Andrew to read it. Andrew hadn't laughed. That might have been better. Andrew had just looked him dead in the eye and said, "No one cares about an assistant's manuscript. No one will ever read this."

Neil had dropped it on his desk and left to go rant to Matt before he could get himself fired. Neil didn't know what Andrew had done with the manuscript after that. Probably thrown it out. Maybe he had burned it. Neil was certain he had never read it. Andrew refused to even acknowledge that it had ever happened so Neil had begrudgingly let the subject go and hoped that if he kept his mouth shut, one day, he would be promoted and be able to find someone else to read it.

Now, if Andrew kept his end of the deal, Neil would finally get his promotion and his manuscript published. But Neil's current job was still a sore spot. Too bad Neil couldn't complain to Matt about the nerve on Kevin, but even if Matt was there, that would be revealing far too much about him than his usual complaints about Andrew's complete lack of empathy and seemingly lone desire to make Neil utterly miserable every day of his life.

Nicky was looking at Neil like he had punched Kevin in the face. Neil figured he may as well have. He knew his comment had been too far. He knew he should care. He knew he shouldn't be physically biting his tongue to hold back worse.

Neil couldn't care less.

But, somehow, Neil doubted Andrew would keep his end of the deal if Neil made Andrew's entire family hate him. He just had to make it through a few days and then he would never have to see Kevin again, except for maybe at the wedding. Even if they were fake married and even if Nicky had already been trying to coax Neil to talk Andrew into visiting more often, Andrew wanted to avoid his family and he never took holidays off which meant Neil usually ended up working them too and trying to dodge Andrew's comments about how curious it was that Neil was so readily available to work, even when Neil tried to brush it off by pointing out that Andrew was the Scrooge that was making him be there. Neil just had to make it through the wedding and then he wouldn’t have to see Andrew’s family again.

Neil didn't want to think about the wedding. He just needed to make it through this conversation. He was well practiced at keeping attention off of himself. He couldn't blow that now.

"Andrew's getting a new assistant," Neil said. "I’m starting a different job now. A better one. And I'm getting my manuscript published."

There. Now Andrew would have to go along with the terms or else his family would know that there was something suspicious going on and that there had been lies going on. Neil wondered if Nicky would think that was Andrew's business and not care or if he would bother Andrew about that like he bugged him about finding someone to marry. Somehow, Neil doubted Nicky cared one way or the other. He doubted he would get involved. The small sense of satisfaction Neil had felt at pushing Andrew into a corner suddenly slipped away. No one was going to hold Andrew to his terms. Neil was going to have to find a better way to make him.

"You wrote a book?" Nicky asked in a way too interested tone. "This is so exciting. I can't believe I know someone who wrote a book. Can you believe it, Erik?"

“I can’t believe this is the first we’re hearing about it,” Erik said. “If you wrote a book, I would have told everyone.”

"I wrote a book," Kevin pointed out.

"No one cares about your boring history textbook, professor," Nicky retorted. "Remember me when you're famous, Neil. I’m lucky that I'm meeting you now before all that fame goes to your head."

The idea of being as famous as Nicky was saying made Neil's skin crawl, although he knew his book was not likely to be anywhere near that successful. Andrew would probably make sure that it wasn't publicized just to spite him. Maybe that would be for the best.

"So," Nicky said as he leaned across the counter with his chin on his hands. Neil wanted to take a step back, but he didn't want to be too obvious about how much he did not want to continue this conversation. "Mr. Author Man. What's your book about?"

"It's a crime novel," Neil said and it felt like he had just confessed his whole bloody past. He tried and failed not to look at Kevin for his reaction. Kevin was still glaring at Nicky from when Nicky had completely brushed off the book Kevin had apparently written.

"So, Kevin, how did you end up a professor?" Neil asked because he wanted to change the subject. He felt obligated to ask something and sticking to the topic of jobs felt the safest in this situation.

Maybe a small part of him was genuinely curious too. He tried to ignore that part, but he could feel himself watching Kevin too closely, waiting for what he would say.

"That was all thanks to me," Nicky bragged enthusiastically.

Neil did not know Nicky very well at all, but somehow Neil already knew him well enough to be almost certain that was a lie. Maybe, it was because he was so good at lying that he could tell when someone else was lying.

He wondered if that was why Andrew was able to sniff out so many of his lies. He wondered what lies Andrew was telling besides the ones about their engagement. He wondered if Andrew was lying to just his family or to Neil too. If Andrew would lie to his family about something as big as being in love with Neil and being engaged to him, especially since even before Neil had agreed to this mess, who knew what else he could be capable of lying about.

Suddenly, Neil was nervous that Andrew might be lying to him about what he would get out of this deal. Neil wondered if he could go against his every instinct to hide the truth at all costs just to make sure that Andrew's family knew what a sham their relationship was if Andrew tried to go back on any part of their arrangement.

If he was being deported, would he really have anything left to lose? But what if Andrew only wanted to go back on agreeing to help get Neil a better job and get his manuscript published? Would Neil really blow up his shot to stay in the country to keep those things? Neil's leverage over Andrew would be gone after this visit with his family. Neil wondered why he had ever been stupid enough to trust Andrew.

"You did nothing," Kevin told Nicky.

"I gave you the idea," Nicky insisted. "You owe me. I told you that you should become a professor."

"Actually, I think your exact words were 'hey, Kevin, maybe you should be a professor so you can blabber about history to someone who actually cares about what you have to say or at least someone who is paying you to fall asleep to the sound of your voice'," Andrew said as he walked into the room.

"Exactly," Nicky insisted. "All thanks to me."

Kevin glowered at him.

"Don't worry," Nicky said. "You don't have to thank me. I know how grateful you are."

"You are so annoying," Kevin told him.


	6. Chapter 6

“So,” Nicky said. “Which one of you is taking the other’s name?”

He said it as if he were just making conversation, but Neil’s blood ran cold at the question and he tried not to react.

“Neil’s taking mine,” Andrew said without so much as a pause and Neil was furious.

Andrew hadn’t even stopped to think about it before he had answered and he certainly had never consulted Neil before he made the decision. He had just assumed that Neil would take his last name. Neil had absolutely no plan to change his name again. Why couldn’t Andrew take his name? Why hadn’t Andrew even considered that as an option before he had answered the question?

“No, I’m not,” Neil snapped. He didn’t have time to think it through. He was too angry to care that this might mess up their act. “I never said I would and I’m not going to. You’re taking mine!”

“No,” Andrew said in an irritatingly calm tone as if he was just stating an indisputable fact. “I am not.”

“Oh,” Nicky said and he sounded horrified by what he had started. “You haven’t talked about this. Well, you still have time to talk it out before the wedding. That’s probably the kind of thing you should figure out before you plan the wedding. So, if you think about it, you should be glad that this came up now instead of later so that you have time to calm down and talk it out.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Andrew said. “I’m not taking his name.”

“And I’m not taking yours,” Neil retorted. “ _Ever_.”

Neil knew that storming off wouldn’t look good, but it would be better than staying and yelling at Andrew, so he fled the room.

* * *

“Hey, Andrew,” Nicky said when he tracked him down in the living room a little while after Neil had thrown his tantrum and stormed off. “You two are coming back for Thanksgiving, right?”

Nicky said it as if it was a given like Andrew had shown up to any family holiday in the last few years.

“Don’t get your hopes up,” Andrew warned him. “You are lucky I came to this and brought Neil. Do not push your luck.”

“I know and I’m glad you’re here, but it’s been _years_ , Andrew,” Nicky said and he sounded so pathetically disappointed. “Can’t you at least consider coming? You said Neil doesn’t have family. So obviously you’re not going to spend it with his family. How bad can it be? Abby’s making pie again this year.”

“You cannot bribe me with pie,” Andrew said.

“Can’t you just make an exception to your new ‘avoid your family on the holidays at all costs’ rule?” Nicky pleaded. “We never get to see you and you never tell us anything real about what’s going on with you when we’re on the phone. I mean, I don’t even know when your wedding is going to be and don’t you dare say you’re not inviting us. I miss you. I just want to see you every once in a while and see that you’re okay. Is that really so bad?”

Andrew knew that it would never really just be one exception. If Andrew came to Thanksgiving, Nicky would expect him to come to Christmas and New Years and every other holiday in the year. Already, Nicky was expecting him to change his mind and attend Christmas this year just because he had given in to come to Columbia for his and Aaron’s birthday just this once.

Andrew wouldn’t get sucked in. Not again. They did not need him anymore and he did not need to spend more time around them reminding himself of that. Maybe, Nicky would be disappointed for a little bit, but he would not miss Andrew when Thanksgiving came around and it was easier without him present.

“There is no date yet,” Andrew said. “And I’m not coming to Thanksgiving.”

* * *

Neil made a point of avoiding Andrew for the rest of the morning but he knew that, even though he was beyond annoyed with Andrew, he couldn't avoid him forever. As much as it sucked, he still needed to keep up the act and pretend that he had cooled down and was madly in love with Andrew and not dreading marrying him. He wasn’t convinced that he could fool anyone staying in the house with Nicky there. So Neil tracked down Andrew and found him in the living room, watching a movie with Nicky, Erik, and Kevin.

“Andrew,” Neil said to try to get his attention and all four heads turned toward him. “I want to see what’s around here.”

“And?” Andrew asked.

“And I want you to show me,” Neil said. He couldn’t keep how annoyed he was out of his tone, not completely.

“I’m watching a movie,” Andrew pointed out.

“You have the keys,” Neil countered.

“You have feet,” Andrew insisted. “Why don’t you run around to look around? Maybe you won’t have to wake me up before dawn tomorrow then.”

“Andrew,” Neil said and he tried to telepathically communicate to Andrew that he was trying to get them both out of this situation and he was trying to salvage what he could of their act. “Please.”

“I do not like that word,” Andrew told him with an edge to his voice.

“Fine,” Neil said. “Forget I said it. But I want to see what there is around here and I’ve got things to do.”

Neil hoped that Andrew would at least consider taking him after the movie was over. He didn’t think that he could bear to be in the house for any longer. He hated the hint of desperation that entered his voice.

“What’s in it for me?” Andrew asked.

“I won’t get up early to run tomorrow,” Neil offered.

“Deal,” Andrew said and just like that he got off of the couch, even though the movie was still playing.

Nicky looked like he had something to say that he was struggling to hold back. Neil was glad that he succeeded. Whatever it was, Neil thought he probably didn’t want to hear it.

* * *

Neil was still beyond annoyed with Andrew so they didn’t talk much as they drove.

“Where are we going?” Andrew asked.

“I don’t know,” Neil said. “Anywhere but there.”

“Why am I here?” Andrew questioned.

“Because you have the car and if we leave together it looks like we’re a couple,” Neil explained. “And I can’t pretend to like you right now.”

“Okay,” Andrew said.

Neil waited for the other shoe to drop, but it didn’t. They just drove around in silence with Andrew’s music filling the car.

* * *

Andrew and Neil drove around aimlessly for a couple hours and then when he thought that Neil had calmed down some, Andrew headed for Roland's place.

Neil seemed to notice that Andrew had switched from driving as fast as he could without any destination in mind to heading somewhere intentionally because he asked, "Where are you going?"

"I have someone to visit," Andrew said.

"Who?" Neil asked.

"An old friend."

" _You_ have a friend?" Neil asked.

"I have more friends than you do," Andrew countered.

Neil was silent, but Andrew could hear him thinking too hard and that was annoying.

Andrew wanted to stop thinking about Neil. That was part of why he was heading to Roland's place, that and that he always visited Roland when he was in Columbia.

When they arrived at Roland's place, Roland looked surprised as he answered the door. That had never happened before, but then again Andrew had never shown up with a supposed date before.

"Nicky said you were engaged, but I didn't believe him," Roland said. "Is this Neil?"

"No, this is my other fiancé," Andrew deadpanned.

"Funny," Roland said, although it wasn't. "Come on in. I want to get to know who you're marrying."

"He's not that interesting," Andrew said and it was a bald-faced lie, but apparently Neil believed he meant it because he shot a glare in his direction.

Neil followed them inside and sat down next to Andrew, but he didn't say anything.

It felt strange being there with Neil. Something felt wrong about having him there in Roland's place, but that was stupid because nothing was happening between Neil and Andrew and Neil wouldn't care, even if he did know about Andrew and Roland's history.

* * *

“I'm leaving,” Neil said, approximately seven minutes after they had arrived there. “I have things to do.”

“Oh no,” Andrew deadpanned. “How will I survive without you?”

“You're a dick,” Neil muttered.

“Sticks and stones, Neil,” Andrew retorted and he could almost laugh at the annoyed look on Neil's face.

“When do I have to be back for the next torture?” Neil questioned.

Andrew shrugged. “Whenever Nicky gets bored and decides we’ve been gone too long. Leave your phone on for once and try answering it and you might find out.”

Neil glared at him.

“I know, I know,” Andrew said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “You answer enough phone calls for me during the week, you don't need to be on call all day every day. I'll tell Nicky you're allergic to answering your phone like a normal person if you're late for whatever he's probably planning.”

Neil stood there confused for a moment and then he glanced over at Roland like he thought Roland would suspect they weren't a real couple or would blow their cover if he knew.

“Bye, Neil,” Andrew said so that he would leave.

* * *

“Yes or no?” Andrew asked when they were alone in Roland's apartment.

“You're engaged,” Roland pointed out. “I just met your fiancé.”

“We’re engaged, but there's nothing there,” Andrew said. “He gets to stay in the country and I get Nicky off my back, but we are nothing.”

Andrew knew that Roland knew how to keep a secret and he knew that Roland deserved to know if anything was going to happen between them like it usually did when Andrew visited.

“I can't do this with you when you're engaged,” Roland said. “No.”

“Okay.”

Andrew wouldn't try to change Roland's no so he said nothing, but he really did not think that Roland understood his and Neil’s dynamic.

“You like him, don't you?” Roland asked.

Andrew clenched his jaw. “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“I saw the way you look at him,” Roland said. “And heard the banter.”

“There was no banter,” Andrew insisted. “He just doesn't know how to shut up.”

Roland shot him a knowing smile that only annoyed Andrew more when there was nothing to know.

“Don't look at me like that,” Andrew grumbled. “He is nothing to me but a major annoyance.”

The look on Roland's face was worse than any sarcastic agreement he could have given Andrew.

* * *

Going shopping for a present for Andrew was yet another thing on a long list of things that Neil absolutely did not want to do, but he needed to be convincing. At least, this meant that he was going to get a break from being stuck around Andrew all day every day and around Andrew’s family nearly as much.

Still, Neil had no idea what to get Andrew. He had no desire to get something for Andrew. He should not be this stressed over a gift for a man he could hardly tolerate and that he certainly did not like. Neil didn’t have the slightest idea what kind of gift people gave to their fiancés and Andrew was a mystery who didn’t like anything so that made it even more difficult to figure out what to get. It wasn’t like Neil had time to shop around and think about it either. He needed to find something and he needed to find it before Andrew’s birthday the next day.

* * *

Neil had been holding a grudge against Andrew for hours since he had oh so boldly assumed that Neil would just roll over and take his name without any discussion or even a thought toward another option. Being around Andrew’s family alone was dangerous, but Neil felt a little relieved when Andrew was still out when Neil got back to Nicky and Erik’s place.

He hoped that he could just avoid everyone as he took his purchase up to Andrew’s bedroom, but he had barely been in the room for two minutes when Nicky poked his head in.

“Hey, are you busy?” Nicky asked.

Neil wanted to say he was, but he clearly was not and if Nicky was going to question something, maybe it would be better if Andrew wasn’t there to listen in.

“Why?” Neil asked.

“I wanted to talk about what happened earlier,” Nicky said. “In the kitchen.”

“Nothing happened,” Neil said. “I’m not taking his name.”

Nicky sighed and stepped further into the room, even though Neil technically had not agreed to this conversation.

“I was hoping you’d have cooled off by now,” Nicky said as he sat down on the edge of Andrew’s bed beside him. “Obviously you must care about Andrew a lot. Someone can only get under your skin that much if you care about them.”

Nicky let out a little laugh like he thought any part of this situation was funny.

Neil was already angry and annoyed with Nicky too for that assumption. Part of him was relieved that he hadn’t ruined his chances at staying in the country just because Andrew had acted like a jerk as usual, but he resented the idea that somehow Andrew annoying him meant that Neil was interested in him.

“Some marriage this is going to be if Andrew just makes all the decisions without asking me first,” Neil muttered. He knew it was not a good idea, but his verbal filter was worse when he was angry.

Nicky’s expression contorted into a weird look that Neil didn’t understand then, after a moment, he said, “Andrew has to be in control of everything or else he gets uncomfortable and hostile. But Andrew lets you take over and convince him to do what you want already this weekend more than I’ve seen Andrew let anyone else convince him of anything in all the time I have known him.”

Neil was stunned and confused enough that he wasn’t quite as angry. He was certain that Nicky was wrong. Andrew did not do much for him and maybe Neil had been stunned by Andrew going a little out of his way or being agreeable a few times, but who could say what convinced Andrew to do anything? It couldn’t possibly be because of him. They weren’t even a real couple. Nicky was just delusional and basing his beliefs off of a premise of lies.

Nicky seemed to take Neil’s silence as meaning he had made some profound breakthrough and fixed them, so he patted Neil on the knee and told him, “For what it’s worth, Andrew is confusing and a lot of the time it seems like he doesn’t remotely care about anything at all but if it matters enough to Andrew for him to answer the question and if he wants you to take his name enough to say something about it, he must be serious about it.”

Neil knew better than to think it was because he was important to Andrew and that Andrew wanted him to have his last name. That meant that Andrew’s last name must have been important to him for some other reason that made him want to keep it for himself. There must have been something more going on beyond just Andrew being a jerk.

Knowing that did not change the fact that Neil wanted to have his own last name and wouldn’t compromise on that, but now Neil realized that Andrew’s family must matter more to him than he let on.

Andrew had been listening to him and going out of his way for him and it was surprising that he was doing it in out of character ways enough that his family had noticed it, even while Andrew was being a jerk.

For the first time, Neil started to feel a little bit guilty about what would come after all of this was over with when he was safely living in America long term.

Andrew lived distanced from his family, although he clearly cared about them. He didn’t like Nicky’s pressure to find someone and yet he was pretending to have found someone to get Nicky off of his back. He had come there to see them, even though he apparently had not seen them, even on holidays, in years.

His family clearly thought that Andrew did not see them as particularly important, although there were clear hints that they were the only thing important to Andrew. Andrew had been avoiding them because he thought that he was not important to them now that they were all married and happy and they had less room in their lives for him.

Neil came to the sudden realization that this act would not last forever and Andrew’s family situation would probably be even worse later if he and Andrew eventually decided to get divorced to be done with this mess. Andrew would probably go back to avoiding his family altogether when Nicky would inevitably try to talk with him about the divorce and about Andrew getting back together with Neil or moving on with someone new. Neil was sure that Andrew would avoid him and the others even more again after all of this was over if he didn’t try to fix this somewhat in his time as Andrew’s fake significant other.

Andrew really was doing Neil a big favour and potentially making things with his family even worse and for the first time since they had made their deal, Neil thought that maybe he owed Andrew more than just this act in return. Maybe, he could try to set Andrew on the right path to at least go to holidays like Thanksgiving again and talk to his family instead of just ignoring them and then wondering why he did not have a larger role in their lives.

"How much has Andrew told you about us?" Nicky asked.

"You know he didn't even tell me he had a brother, let alone a twin," Neil pointed out. "I only found out about you when we were coming here. I don't know much of anything."

"But you know about the foster homes," Nicky said.

"Some," Neil agreed.

"Well, Andrew and Aaron's mother gave them up when they were born," Nicky said. "She felt bad and took Aaron back a few days later. Andrew went into foster care. They didn't know about each other until Higgins ran into Aaron and thought he was Andrew. Aaron wanted to know Andrew and Andrew didn't want anything to do with him. Eventually, my dad talked Tilda into taking Andrew back when he found out. By the time they ended up living together, they were already in high school. Tilda died a few months later and they needed someone. I wouldn't let them go to my parents so I took them in then."

"Oh," Neil said. "Andrew didn't tell me any of that."

"He doesn't think that's important," Nicky said. "He doesn't consider Tilda his family. But I just thought you should know. That's why Aaron and Andrew are like that with each other."

* * *

“It is my turn,” Andrew said when he had come back home later and Neil had gone outside to where he was smoking for the smell of the smoke and to get a break from the others. “Is Neil Josten your real name?”

Clearly, Neil had given too much away wanting to keep his last name. He wondered how much Andrew already knew. He wondered just how dangerous telling the truth could be.

“Yes and no,” Neil said after a long pause. “I was born with a different one, but Neil Josten is who I am. The change is legal.”

“Interesting,” Andrew said.

Neil wasn’t sure why the word sounded like a threat.

* * *

Andrew was annoyed with Neil already by the time they went to bed. Andrew took the floor again and left the bed for Neil. Sleeping on the floor was better than sharing the bed with Neil and risking Neil invading his personal space so the floor it was again.

Neil hadn’t exactly done anything to annoy Andrew any more than being his usual irritating self, but Andrew couldn’t stand him more than usual. It was bad enough that Neil had to be interesting, despite Andrew’s better judgment. It was worse that Andrew couldn’t let anything happen with Neil, but his brain kept thinking about what he would do to Neil if he could and it wouldn’t stop no matter how many times he told it to. It was even worse that while nothing was or ever could happen with Neil, nothing was happening with Roland because Roland was under the assumption that Andrew felt anything beyond lust for Neil and seemed to be operating under the very false assumption that Neil would be jealous if Andrew were to do anything with anyone else.

Worst of all was that Andrew couldn’t do anything about it because he absolutely would not let himself become that person who tried to pressure someone into a yes when they had already said no. So Andrew was not in the mood for Neil’s bad attitude and it did not help that Neil seemed to be in an even fouler mood than usual.

“Stop it,” Andrew growled as he laid on his back on the floor, trying and failing to sleep.

“Stop what?” Neil complained. “I didn’t say anything. I’m not even doing anything.”

“You’re thinking at me,” Andrew pointed out. “It’s annoying.”

“I thought I was too stupid to think,” Neil retorted.

“I thought so too,” Andrew said. “But it seems you have just enough brain cells left to think at me too loud for me to sleep.”

“What makes you think I’m thinking at you?” Neil asked. “Isn’t that a little bit self-obsessed?”

“It is not my fault that you waste all your time and energy on irritating me,” Andrew retorted.

“Right,” Neil said sarcastically. “ _I’m_ the one that wastes my time coming up with ways to annoy _you_. Like you don’t spend every day in the office just thinking of ways to make my life more difficult?”

“You really are self-obsessed,” Andrew noted, even though Neil was not wrong that some of the time Andrew did purposely try to get a rise out of Neil because Neil was amusing when he was angry and because it was safer to make sure Neil remembered not to like him when it seemed like he was slipping up and Andrew saw the potential for danger for them both.

“You’re the one who is making everything about him,” Neil said. “It’s hard to believe that you’ve missed your birthday years in a row when you enjoy the attention on you so much.”

Andrew gritted his teeth. He didn’t want to let on how annoyed he was though, so he just dismissed it with an, “Oh, Neil. You really do know nothing.”

Andrew made a mental note to himself to warn Nicky not to talk about him with Neil so much. He didn’t need him telling Neil too much about him.

He didn’t need Neil having information to use against him, especially information that wasn’t necessary to pass Neil’s interview. With their game, Andrew could control what truths he let Neil know and to what extent. But if Nicky was giving him information behind Andrew’s back, that could mess everything up.

Andrew had hoped that would be the end of the conversation and they would go to sleep then, but instead Neil said, "It's my turn in the game."

Andrew did not like the fact that Neil was bringing up their game like he had been thinking on a question for hours and waiting to get him alone, but Andrew had made a deal and started this game, so he said, "What?"

"Nicky told me about how Aaron and you grew up not knowing about each other," Neil said. "I know that's why you haven't been back here for your birthday in years."

"I'm not hearing any question," Andrew pointed out.

"If you spent years not knowing about Aaron, then why are you wasting time avoiding him now?" Neil asked.

Andrew wished that he had pretended to be asleep when Neil had spoken. He did not want to answer this question ever, let alone right then.

"I don't see how that will help us pass your investigation," Andrew pointed out.

"You said a truth for a truth. There was no rule that said I had to ask you questions that have to do with your investigation," Neil pointed out

Andrew hated Neil and his smart mouth more than anything.

"Go to sleep," Andrew said.

"It's my turn," Neil said. "You have to answer."

"I don't have to answer you now," Andrew pointed out. "Go to sleep."

"You don't want to answer because it matters to you," Neil accused.

"Haven't you heard?" Andrew asked. "Nothing matters to me."

Neil said, "That's what I thought before you agreed to marry me just to make your family happy."

"That's not why I'm doing this."

"So then why are you doing this?" Neil asked.

"I already told you," Andrew insisted. "I don't want Nicky bothering me anymore."

He couldn't tell Neil the other thing. Andrew would die before he would admit to Neil that whether nothing could happen between them or not, part of him didn't want to see Neil deported to another continent. He would never live it down if Neil thought that he was doing this for him.

"You mean to make him happy," Neil insisted.

"I mean to make him quiet," Andrew corrected. There was a pause and then Andrew lamented, "If only there was a way to make you quiet too so that I could get some sleep."

"The sooner you fall asleep, the sooner you have to deal with your birthday," Neil pointed out.

Andrew was dead silent for a long time. He wasn't totally sure if Neil was awake still or not when he finally told him, "I don't see what the point of answering is when you will just see tomorrow. Birthdays together are awkward and uncomfortable. There is nothing good about having birthdays together when the awkwardness just is a big reminder that we didn't spend any together growing up."


	7. Chapter 7

Andrew cursed under his breath as Nicky knocked on the door. Nicky was supposed to stay downstairs and never find out that Andrew wasn't sleeping in the bed with Neil, but now Andrew was going to have to act fast if he wanted to hide that detail from Nicky.

“Are you two dressed?” Nicky asked from the other side of the door. “I brought you birthday breakfast, Andrew, but you have to tell me when I can open the door without dying. I put extra syrup on like you like.”

Andrew touched Neil’s shoulder and tried to ignore the way that Neil jumped awake and it made his skin crawl.

When he opened his eyes, Neil relaxed quickly and just glared at him.

“What?” Neil grumbled.

“Move over,” Andrew hissed. “Nicky brought us breakfast and he's going to expect us both in the bed.”

Neil blinked at him for a moment and then he seemed to understand and slid over. Andrew set his pillow on the bed and crawled in beside Neil, leaving just enough space between them that they weren't touching.

“Andrew, come on,” Nicky insisted. “You can't avoid your birthday all day.”

Andrew set his head down on the pillow and then called back, “Whatever. Let's get this over with.”

Nicky entered the room as cheery as if Andrew had gushed about how excited he was to see him.

“Don't worry,” Nicky said as he carried a tray in. “I made enough for you both. Chocolate chips and extra syrup for Andrew and chocolate free and barely any syrup for Neil.”

Andrew sat up and scowled down at the plate of pancakes and bacon as Nicky handed it to him. Breakfast smelled good and Andrew was hungry, but he hated his birthday and didn't like waking up to Nicky already making a big deal about it right off the bat.

“I’m going to go call Aaron, but if you need anything, let me know,” Nicky said as he headed for the door.

“Close the door on your way out,” Andrew said.

He resented the smirk Nicky gave them as he did so like he thought that they wanted the door closed so that they could have birthday sex and not so that Andrew could question Neil some more.

“Normal couples talk about their past relationships,” Andrew pointed out when Nicky had been gone long enough that he was convinced he had made it back downstairs. “If we are going to pass your investigation, we are going to need to be able to answer questions about that.”

That was true, but it wasn’t the only reason that Andrew was bringing the subject up. Part of it was that he knew it would annoy Neil to ask and that was a good enough reason on its own. Part of it was that he wanted to know more about Neil beyond what little he had been able to pick up in years of spending time around Neil while Neil tried his hardest to remain secretive. Part of it was that he wanted to know if Neil was interested in men or not, even though Neil was definitely not an option and was off limits, even if he was going to get promoted and not be Andrew’s employee anymore after this.

Maybe, he was hoping that Neil would be interested in exclusively women so that he would know he wouldn’t stand a chance, even if Neil could be an option for him. He hoped that would make things easier. Maybe, a part of him was hoping that Neil would have a history with men, even though that knowledge would be dangerous because it would mean Andrew might stand a chance if he decided he wanted to.

Neil looked uncomfortable and that only raised Andrew’s interest.

“There’s not much to tell,” Neil said and he tried to leave it at that.

“They’re still going to expect us to,” Andrew pointed out. “So start talking.”

“Dating isn’t worth the trouble or worth my time,” Neil said. “I have no interest in it. I’ve kissed a few girls, but that’s about it.”

“A few?” Andrew asked.

“Three,” Neil said.

“Oh,” Andrew said.

“Oh?” Neil repeated.

Andrew didn’t elaborate.

“I don’t see people like that,” Neil defended. “Kissing feels like nothing to me.”

Neil was even more off limits now. There was no chance of Neil being interested in him back in any way. It was a disappointing relief.

“How about you?” Neil asked. “Renee and who else?”

Andrew blinked at him for a moment in surprise.

“Nothing ever happened between Renee and I,” he said.

He thought that the ‘and nothing ever will’ did not need to be said, but Neil didn’t get it.

“Clearly you two are interested in each other though,” Neil said.

“Renee is not my type,” Andrew said.

He thought that he was being perfectly clear and yet Neil still asked, “So then what is your type?”

Andrew bit his tongue and didn’t say  _ you _ . Instead, he said, “Roland.”

“You and Roland dated?” Neil repeated in surprise.

Andrew shook his head. “I wouldn’t call it dating.”

“Why didn’t you talk him into being your fake fiancé?” Neil questioned.

“My family knows him,” Andrew pointed out. “They weren’t supposed to meet you. Besides, Roland was better as a secret.”

* * *

“Here,” Andrew said as he tossed a wrapped box at Neil when Neil returned from his shower, fully dressed. “Give this to me later when Nicky goes overboard.”

Neil looked down at the box in his lap as if he had never seen a birthday present before.

“But I already got you something,” Neil told him.

“Why?” Andrew asked.

“Because we’re supposed to be convincing your family that we’re engaged,” Neil told him.

“What did you get me?” Andrew asked.

It felt like a trap.

Neil wasn’t exactly proud of the present he had gotten Andrew. He didn’t know enough about Andrew to know what to get him. He still knew next to nothing about Andrew’s likes and dislikes, except when it came to food and drink. But Neil had spent hours looking for something to give Andrew to convince his family that he knew anything about him or cared at him at all. In the end, Neil had given up and just bought something so that he would not show up to Andrew’s birthday empty-handed.

“A gift card,” Neil told him.

“A gift card,” Andrew echoed. It sounded worse when he repeated it. “To where?”

Neil didn’t want to say.

“Starbucks.”

“Starbucks,” Andrew echoed. “Is that a hint that I should buy my own coffee?”

“Well, that would be nice,” Neil pointed out.

“Keep it,” Andrew said. “That’s a terrible present. Give me the other one.”

Neil had thought that his present was terrible from the moment he bought it. That didn’t matter though. That didn’t make him any less annoyed that Andrew was judging him for putting the effort in.

“You could have told me you were getting something,” Neil pointed out. “So that I didn’t have to waste hours looking for something.”

“A Starbucks gift card took you hours?” Andrew questioned. “Do not act like you are so hard done by. We both know you were glad to get out of here for hours.”

He was right, but Neil certainly wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of admitting it.

* * *

Neil wasn’t sure if he was supposed to have brought a present for Aaron too or if he was alright only having one for Andrew. Technically, he could give Aaron that gift card that Andrew clearly didn’t want. But why should he?

Why should Neil give Aaron anything when Aaron oh so clearly didn’t like him and Neil was definitely not fond of him either? Besides, he had just met him. And he didn’t have to convince anyone he wanted anything to do with Aaron. Andrew was his fake fiancé, so Andrew got the fake present.

“Here,” Neil said as he unceremoniously passed it over to Andrew.

Everyone was watching and Nicky was practically leaning over the table. Neil had a sudden horrifying feeling that Andrew was going to have gotten something intended to embarrass Neil for giving it to him. But then, how embarrassing could it really be without it being embarrassing for Andrew to receive it?

Andrew unwrapped the present with a blank face and opened the box inside. All the air left Neil’s lungs when he saw what was inside.

It was a knife with something engraved on the handle. Andrew lifted it up to get a better look at it as if he hadn’t purchased it for himself, and Neil felt a wave of nausea overtake him.

He didn’t have time to find out what he had supposedly had engraved on the knife for Andrew. It felt like there wasn’t enough air in the room and Neil needed to leave. He needed to get away from the knife and away from the room of strangers watching them. He couldn’t be there anymore.

Neil thought he made some flimsy excuse as he rose from the table, but he wasn’t entirely sure. He wasn’t in his right mind enough to remember if he had said something or not, let alone to remember what he might have said.

He’d only meant to leave the kitchen, but he had somehow ended up outside and down the street, before he even realized where he was going. When he came back to his right mind a little, he sat down on the sidewalk and tried to catch his breath.

This was going to be hard to explain. Andrew was definitely going to take advantage of this and he didn’t know if he was able to come up with a good enough lie to fool Andrew when he got back.

* * *

“What’s his problem?” Aaron questioned when Neil just got up and left the house in the middle of the party.

Nicky was already getting up like he was worried about Neil, who had just stood up and left without a word of explanation.

Andrew didn’t need Nicky finding him. What if Neil said something about their arrangement?

Besides, Andrew had been wanting to walk out of this forced birthday party since before it had started and this was the perfect excuse to get away and try to figure out what was going on with Neil.

“I’ll go,” Andrew said.

Nicky looked surprised, which Andrew might have been insulted by if he was the kind of person who cared about how his family assumed he treated his fiancé.

Neil wasn’t hard to find when he got outside. He was about a block down the street, sitting on the sidewalk.

Andrew headed over and sat down beside him silently. Neil said nothing.

Andrew had a feeling that Neil’s reaction to the knife had something to do with his scars. He remembered Neil telling him that his father was a terrible person, but it didn’t feel like the right time to bring up his suspicions.

They just sat there for several minutes before Neil seemed to come back to himself again as he turned and asked, “Avoiding your party?”

“Just following your lead,” Andrew told him.

“Pretending to be concerned to sell that we’re a real couple?” Neil asked.

“Something like that.”

Neil turned to look at him and Andrew forced himself not to look away. That would be more telling than anything Neil might be able to read in his barely existent expression.

Andrew didn’t need Neil to know that he actually was concerned to an extent. Andrew himself didn’t want to know that. He was annoyed enough about his concern. He wasn’t supposed to worry about people outside of the inner circle of his family. Neil wasn’t supposed to be a part of that, even if they were getting married just to commit fraud.


	8. Chapter 8

Neil was used to Andrew's condescending comebacks, but it was a whole other thing when Andrew directly quoted a line from his manuscript to taunt him.

Neil hadn't thought that Andrew had even read his manuscript. He had acted like he never would. Neil had thought that Andrew had thrown it out the moment he had left Andrew’s office. It was a shock to find out that Andrew had even read it. It was something else to know that Andrew remembered the words exactly.

"Your father is why you don't like knives. Isn't he?" Andrew asked. "That's why you know so much about drawing blood and why knives show up so much in your manuscript."

"I thought you didn't read my manuscript," Neil said.

"I got bored," Andrew said as if that explained anything.

"There are plenty of other things you could have done when you were bored," Neil pointed out.

"I wanted to see how bad it was," Andrew said dismissively.

"And?" Neil questioned.

"It was disappointingly okay."

That was probably the greatest compliment Andrew had ever given him.

* * *

Later that day, Andrew held back the urge to roll his eyes when he came home from lunch with Bee and found Neil on the couch, watching exy with Kevin and Thea.

Neil fit in too well here already. He was supposed to convince his family that they were a real couple, but he wasn’t supposed to fit in like this.

It was a relief that Aaron still didn’t like him. At least Andrew’s whole family didn’t already like Neil and accept him more than they liked and accepted Andrew.

It was bad enough that Andrew’s family did not have time for him. It was worse that they had time for Neil.

* * *

Neil had been a little reluctant to sit down with Thea and Kevin, but he wanted to see how the game would go.

He was enjoying watching with them and that was nerve-wracking.

Kevin was cheering for the same team he always had and there was something comforting in the familiarity. Maybe, it wouldn’t be the end of the world if Neil spent time with Kevin, just as long as it was in the same ways he had considered safe when they had been roommates.

Thea and Kevin were rooting for opposite teams and they seemed to be enjoying debating which team would win and pointing out the flaws of the team the other was rooting for.

Neil was caught in the middle. Both of the teams were good and Neil again felt a surge of pain at the thought that he could have been a part of a team like either of these and that he had passed the offer up.

He didn’t have long to think about that before Kevin dragged him into he and Thea’s debate and made him choose a side though.

Neil felt a disorienting sense of satisfaction when he agreed that Kevin’s team was the superior team and Kevin clapped him on the shoulder and said, “See? Neil knows what he’s talking about.”

Maybe, Neil wasn’t as safely detached as he thought.

* * *

“This is great,” Nicky said later when he roped Neil into doing dishes with him after dinner. “Andrew won't come to holidays anymore, but maybe now you can convince him to.”

Neil doubted that, but Nicky looked so hopeful for some reason so Neil agreed, “Maybe.”

Neil had thought that it would be an easy brush off and he wouldn’t ever have to deal with any follow up. He had thought that it would be easier than saying no and having Nicky try to convince him. He had thought Nicky would react calmly because he hadn’t made any guarantees.

Apparently, he had thought wrong though because Nicky’s face lit up and Neil had to look away before Nicky could see the look on his face and get too suspicious about his reaction.

“I’m sure you can,” Nicky insisted. “This is great. He listens to you.”

Neil focused on drying the dishes and hoped that the conversation would end there since he had no idea what to say and he couldn’t just tell Nicky that Andrew really did not listen to him and that the only sway he had over Andrew was because of the deal they had made.

Maybe, Neil had decided that he wanted to help fix Andrew’s relationship with his family at least a little bit before their act would inevitably end, but that did not mean that he would be successful and Nicky seemed like he was hanging all his hopes on Neil’s non-existent hold over Andrew.

* * *

“Favourite colour?” Neil quizzed as he lay awake that night.

“Grey even though it's the blandest colour ever,” Andrew answered. “But you like hideous orange too. Mine?”

Neil struggled to remember, but he couldn't think of anything. Andrew didn't really wear colours, so Neil guessed, “Black?”

“Wrong,” Andrew told him. “I don't have a favourite colour. I'm not five.”

“You don't believe in favourite colours, but you hate orange,” Neil corrected.

There was too much stuff to learn about Andrew and he was getting too many of the questions wrong, even though Andrew had already given him the answers. Even more frustrating than the number of answers Neil was getting wrong was that Andrew had remembered every single answer Neil had given him, sometimes throwing his exact wording back at him.

“Favourite holiday?” Andrew asked.

“Halloween for the sugar,” Neil said. This one he was sure of. He remembered how surprised he had been that first year when Andrew had brought in decorations for Neil to put up in his office for the holiday. Neil thought Halloween was juvenile, but he knew that Andrew enjoyed it and Neil couldn't list much that Andrew enjoyed.

“Wrong,” Andrew said and for a moment Neil was sure that he was being lied to. “Thanksgiving.”

“If Thanksgiving is so great, then why won't you come home for it like Nicky keeps asking you to?” Neil demanded.

“It's not the same now,” Andrew said. “It's too crowded. Too many traditions changed to fit in Erik and Katelyn and Thea. It's all wrong now.”

“So if you don't like it anymore and you won't go back for it, then why is it your favourite?” Neil asked, half out of curiosity and half trying to defend his answer. “Isn't it worse to sit alone, away from your family, on your favourite holiday?”

“Abby sends me pie every year,” Andrew said as if that were enough. Maybe, in Andrew's mind it was.

“Abby?” Neil asked.

“Kevin's maybe stepmother,” Andrew said. “You can't get pies like hers anywhere else.”

“So it's your favourite holiday because you get pie?” Neil asked. “That's it?”

Andrew was silent for a moment and Neil thought that was the end of the conversation.

“I used to help Bee make the turkey,” Andrew said. “We used to not have much but we had each other. Now, they all have other lives and people to be thankful for and I don't want to hear about it.”

“You’d do the whole what you're thankful for thing?” Neil asked in disbelief. He couldn't really picture Andrew telling his family how thankful he was to have them.

“Not really,” Andrew said. “Nicky tried to convince us every year and started it off, but it never worked so Bee always made us write something down instead and she'd read them all without anyone knowing whose they were.”

“ _You_ actually wrote something?” Neil asked.

“Bee told us to,” Andrew said as if that explained everything. “Aaron always tried to get away without writing anything and then he wouldn't get pie unless he said something. Now, Erik makes the turkey. Aaron just talks about his wife. Everyone goes around the table and says something they're thankful for and they act like I'm the one messing it up and not them when I won't.”

“What if they changed it back?” Neil asked. “Then would you go?”

“They won't,” Andrew said. “It's not the same anymore. I'll take my pie at home.”

Neil opened his mouth to argue, but Andrew cut him off.

“You're a sad orphan boy who doesn't like holidays and never had a good one in his life, but you chose Christmas because you had to pick one and sometimes your mom got you something you wanted before your father broke it,” Andrew said and he was right again. Next question.”

“You have an eidetic memory,” Neil said. “Don't you?”

“That's not how quizzing works,” Andrew said. “We’re supposed to be testing how much you remember of what I told you.”

“But not how much you remember,” Neil said, feeling a little surer now than he had when he had first asked. “That's how you remember things I said word for word and why you're getting none of these questions wrong. That's why you're not that worried about the interview. You know you’ll remember.”

“You do not have one,” Andrew pointed out. “You still need to practice. Favourite animal?”

“Cats,” Neil said. That one was easier to remember. He'd seen Andrew blank-faced watch cat videos before and when Neil had tried to make a comment about it, Andrew had insisted he liked cats better than people in a way that had clearly been meant to be an insult but had just told Neil that Andrew was a cat person.

“You got one right,” Andrew said. “Where did I go to university?”

* * *

“Absolutely not,” Andrew said when Neil shared the idea he had gotten on his morning run with Andrew.

"We're already going to have to be around them again for the wedding," Neil pointed out. "We should just come back for Thanksgiving and get married then. We're already going to have to get married soon anyway."

Neil figured that it would get Nicky off their backs and maybe, just  _ maybe _ , it would set Andrew up to be close to his family again after all of this was over.

Andrew stared at him for a moment and then asked, "What is in it for me?"

Neil was surprised by the question. "What do you want?"

"What are you willing to offer?" Andrew asked.

"You get to control the wedding to be however you want it," Neil said. "I won't have a say in any of it."

Neil didn't want anything to do with planning the wedding anyway, but he knew that Andrew liked to be in control of things.

"Fine," Andrew said. "At least I can keep your bad taste out of it then."

"I do not have bad taste," Neil argued.

Andrew didn't even dignify that with a response. Neil was more annoyed than he would have been if Andrew had tried to argue.

* * *

"Nicky," Andrew said when they went downstairs. "Good news. We're coming for Thanksgiving and getting married here the weekend after it."

Nicky nearly choked on his drink.

"Really?" He asked with a giant grin.

"Do I sound like I’m joking?" Andrew asked.

He hated having to repeat himself.

"Oh, you're amazing,” Nicky said as he turned his attention on Neil. “I can't believe you talked him into it!"

Andrew was irritated at the idea that Neil had the ability to talk him into anything. He was even more annoyed because it was true.

"Where are you getting married?" Nicky asked.

"Here," Andrew said. "Outside."

"Well then we'd better start planning it," Nicky insisted. "I can do the planning. I'll make sure you have everything you need. And I'll even call in Allison. She did our wedding first and then Kevin hired her for his, even though they were at each other's throats already before my wedding. She's awful and acts like she knows better than everyone else and she argues over everything, but she does know better. She's a pain in the ass, but our weddings were perfect, even if the planning was hell."

"If you're calling her, you're dealing with her," Andrew warned.

"I'll handle it," Nicky promised. "Don't worry about anything."

Nicky seemed eager to plan the wedding, although it would be so much work. He probably thought if he planned a good enough wedding, Andrew would suddenly change his mind and come back home every holiday. It was pathetic.

Andrew did not care what his wedding looked like, just as long as Neil's bad taste wasn't a part of it. They needed a wedding for the pictures and the investigation. They did not need some dream wedding. Andrew was sure that whatever Nicky came up with would be acceptable.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Trigger warning for brief mention of Drake near the end of this chapter**

When they left Columbia, they had to move into one apartment. Neil's apartment was small and bare. It wasn't much of a home. It was more a place to go to sleep at night, but it wasn't much more than that. He wasn't that offended when Andrew decided that they were going to live at his place. Neil thought maybe he could use his agreement as leverage later.

"Tell me that isn't all your stuff," Andrew said when Neil showed up with a bag slung over his shoulder and a single box.

"Why are you complaining?" Neil asked. "That just means that you have to make less room for me."

Andrew said, "We are supposed to look like a real couple. Not like you took five minutes putting up stuff in my apartment in case anyone came over to see if you'd ever been there before.”

Neil set his bag down on the bed and Andrew pulled an empty drawer open and left it for him, then fished in his pocket for something.

“Here,” Andrew said and he tossed something that Neil only managed to catch because of instincts he’d picked up on the run and from many excruciating extra practices with Kevin.

Andrew had already left the room, presumably for Neil to unpack his one bag in the drawer Andrew had cleared out for him when Neil looked down at what was in his hand and saw a set of keys. They weren’t just the keys to the apartment. There was a car key attached.

“You’re giving me a key to your car?” Neil asked as he followed Andrew down the hallway toward the kitchen.

“I don’t need both sets,” Andrew pointed out. “Now you have them if you need them.”

“You’re letting me use your car?” Neil questioned.

“We’re getting married,” Andrew said dully. “What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine.”

“But your car?” Neil asked. He had seen how Andrew had reacted when someone had hit his car door with theirs at work. He knew Andrew’s car was one of the only things genuinely important to him.

“Don’t make me change my mind,” Andrew warned.

* * *

Letting Neil live with him in his bedroom might have been the stupidest thing Andrew had ever done and Andrew had a long history of stupidity. He was starting to have an extensive list of stupid things he had done because Neil was dangerous and intriguing.

“You don’t have to take the floor,” Neil said. Probably just because this was Andrew’s house.

“Do not flatter yourself. I am not sleeping on the floor for you,” Andrew said. “I’m sleeping on it for me.”

But that wasn’t exactly true. He was doing this for himself, but he was also doing it to protect Neil from what he was afraid he could become. He refused to let Neil make him uncomfortable. He refused to make Neil uncomfortable in any of the ways he was afraid he might make Neil uncomfortable himself. So Andrew took the floor again.

“Fine,” Neil said. “Take the floor then. But that’s your own fault when I have to walk past you at five in the morning to go for my run.”

“No one is making you go for a run at five in the morning,” Andrew retorted.

“I want to,” Neil said. “And you aren’t ruining my schedule while I live here.”

“Why is waking up before dawn to run so important to you?” Andrew asked.

He meant it as a dig. He did not expect Neil to answer. Neil did not like to answer anything and he certainly did not like to answer anything honestly.

And yet Neil did not seem to be lying as he said, “It clears my head.”

“You know what clears my head?” Andrew asked. “Sleep.”

It wasn’t entirely true, but the annoyed look on Neil’s face was worth the lie.

* * *

"What is wrong with you tonight?" Andrew asked when they were sitting on the couch, half-watching a movie while he smoked. "Usually I cannot get you to stop talking about irritating things for anything. Did somebody cut your tongue out?"

Neil said nothing and something shifted in Andrew's expression. It was subtle. His face was still just as neutral, but it was something in the focus in his eyes. Andrew was studying him like he usually did, but this time Neil didn't feel like Andrew was just waiting for him to slip up and do something stupid so that Andrew could find some sort of way to use it against him. Andrew was leaning closer and staring at him with a hint of something that Neil wasn't used to and hadn't noticed in him before. If Neil didn't know better, he could almost be fooled into thinking that Andrew was concerned about why he wasn't talking as much that night.

But then Andrew asked, "Debating backing out of our deal and running away? That's what you used to do, isn't it? You told me you ran away from your father the first chance you got and I can see running is still your instinct in the way you look around like you're ready to flee any situation at any time and the way the first thing you looked for in Columbia was all the exits. The knife set you off and you just left without even knowing where you were going. I already know you're a runaway. There's no point in hiding it. So what are you running from?"

Neil considered for a moment. He knew he had to tell Andrew. There was no way that it wouldn't come up in the interview. There was no way that he could keep this information from Andrew.

Andrew would get asked about it and find out anyway and it would be a giant red flag if Neil was marrying a man who knew nothing about his real family situation. He'd been trying to get up the nerve to tell Andrew and had been trying to figure out how to tell him since that original argument about who would take the other's last name. He'd already put it off too long. He knew he had to tell Andrew.

He was afraid of Andrew's response. He was afraid that Andrew would hear about his father and think that he must be like him too. He was afraid that Andrew would want back out of the deal when he knew who he was really marrying. He was afraid that Andrew would never let him live it down and call him by his old name like it was nothing just to irritate him and hold that information over his head and Neil didn't think he could bear it. He wasn't totally convinced he could handle acknowledging that his past was really real and telling Andrew about it.

Neil didn't think of Andrew as just some jerk who had agreed to some ridiculous deal just to torment him and mess with his own family. Andrew was doing Neil a giant favour in exchange for a much smaller one. Andrew had shown a side Neil hadn't seen before. He was not gentle or sweet or any of the things a fiancé was probably supposed to be, but he went out of his way to do little things beyond the deal for Neil and that made their dynamic more convincing and Neil had realized all too much lately how much of a real person Andrew was with problems of his own.

Even if he could get through the interview without Andrew knowing, which he doubted he could, Neil couldn't let Andrew go through with the wedding without knowing. Andrew needed to know what he was getting himself into.

"I told you that I was not born Neil Josten," Neil said.

He waited for Andrew to jump in with some annoying comment. Maybe he was looking for any excuse not to really tell Andrew the ugly truth and part of Neil wished Andrew would make a nasty comment that would stop him from continuing talking.

Instead, Andrew took another drag of his cigarette and watched Neil silently. Neil thought that Andrew was leaning closer or maybe the smell of his cigarette just seemed stronger now that Neil had his mother on his mind.

"My name used to be Nathaniel Abram Wesninski. I was named after my father, Nathan Wesninski. He was a serial killer. The Butcher of Baltimore. He did it for money, but he also did it just because he enjoyed it. He took pride in keeping a man alive and in pain for as long as possible. He is the reason my mother is dead,” Neil said. “I told you I ran away from him and from home as soon as I could. I changed my name because I didn't want his names and because he had a lot of people loyal to him that would see my leaving as an insult. I had no chance at life as Nathaniel Wesninski. I do as Neil Josten."

Andrew kept staring at him. Neil wanted to look away because he was sure that Andrew was reading much more from his eyes than he was reading in Andrew's, but he couldn't make himself tear his eyes away. He was leaning closer now too, looking for any sign of the disgust or horror or  _ something _ out of Andrew. Andrew's breath had hitched for a moment, but he just blinked back at Neil and Neil didn't know what that meant.

Seconds felt like minutes and Andrew still didn't say anything. He didn't ask any questions. He didn't have any reaction whatsoever beyond that single hitch in his breath.

Neil was still trying to figure that out when Andrew stubbed his cigarette out and leaned even closer in the already small distance between them. The way Andrew's gaze flickered down to Neil's mouth and then back up to his eyes probably should have tipped him off about what was happening, but Andrew had moved the hand that had been holding his cigarette to Neil's cheek and it was so warm and Neil was still confused by the utter lack of reaction out of Andrew. He had expected Andrew to say something horrible about it and him or to call him by his old name or at the very least ask questions to dig for more information.

Neil was so surprised he nearly fell over when Andrew kissed him.

They were supposed to be engaged. They were supposed to be in love. But that was when other people were around. Andrew had refused to kiss on command in front of his family and there was no one to see them there now, alone in Andrew's apartment, sitting on his couch together while Neil completely ignored the movie that Andrew had put on. This made no sense. Lots of things didn't make sense.

Neil had thought that kissing just wasn't for him. He'd kissed girls before, but it had felt like nothing. It hadn't ever felt worth the risk of getting close to them. Their lips on his had felt like nothing. Maybe warm and a little wet, but he had never seen the real appeal. Kissing Andrew was nothing like that.

Andrew knew how to get under his skin in every other way, so it just figured that when Andrew kissed him, Neil felt like he was on fire everywhere that Andrew was touching him. Neil swore he could feel the heat radiating off of Andrew's arm against his chest, even though they weren’t touching there.

Andrew didn't kiss like he was nervous or unsure of what he was doing. He kissed like he was a man drowning and the only air left could be found in Neil's mouth. Neil was startled by how intense it was out of Andrew who acted like he couldn't care less about nearly everything. Andrew was kissing him like he had been holding this back for a long time which was very jarring and confusing and couldn't possibly be true.

They had only just gotten back. Neil had barely moved into Andrew's apartment a few days ago. They hadn't had their arrangement for long at all and Neil was sure that Andrew hadn't wanted anything to do with him in all that time. Then again, Andrew's kiss was telling a different story and he had been very wrong about thinking that there was something between Andrew and Renee and he hadn't realized that there had been something between Andrew and Roland until Andrew had told him.

Neil leaned into the kiss and Andrew angled Neil's chin with his hand as his tongue pressed against Neil's lips. Neil didn't understand what was happening between them and he didn't care. He opened his mouth for Andrew. When Neil had kissed girls before this, he had wondered when the kiss would end. With Andrew, he couldn't make himself care if it ever did.

And then all too soon, Andrew pulled back abruptly and all Neil could do was stare back at him with his lips still wet from the kiss. He was leaning closer to Andrew again, without even realizing what he was doing, but Andrew leaned out of range.

Andrew's lips were kiss swollen and Neil felt a surge of pride that he didn't quite understand. He wondered if his lips looked as swollen from the kiss. He hoped they did. It would be truly criminal for a kiss like that not to leave a mark on Neil's face.

Andrew reached for his box of cigarettes and flicked it open, then closed again like he had changed his mind about grabbing another cigarette.

"Andrew-" Neil said and he was almost glad when Andrew cut him off with a shake of his head because he wasn't sure where that sentence was going either.

"I'm leaving," Andrew said.

Neil didn't understand why Andrew was leaving. He didn't understand why Andrew had kissed him in response to Neil telling him his darkest secret. But Andrew was already halfway out the door to the apartment, opening up the box again like he couldn't wait until he was gone to light up another cigarette after all, and Neil guessed that he wasn't going to get any sort of answer about any of it any time soon. Andrew had kissed him and disappeared and now Neil was left horribly confused and, for the first time, he wondered if people were really so far off to believe that Neil could ever feel any kind of attraction toward Andrew Minyard.

* * *

Andrew had known that letting Neil stay in his apartment had been a necessary danger, but he had thought that he'd had the situation under control. He'd been being careful or so he thought, but there was something about Neil that made him want to take risks he usually wouldn't and that was a horrifying thing. He had co-existed with Neil for three years and he had been able to keep himself in check during that time, but it was easier pretending that he was not at all interested in Neil when he wasn't supposed to be convincing everyone but Neil that he was head over heels for him.

Andrew wasn't sure what he felt for Neil anymore, but he knew he didn't like it. It felt like more than just physical attraction and that idea was utterly unacceptable, so he refused to acknowledge it.

Neil was attractive and Andrew's type and Andrew had thought that he could handle it and that he could control himself, but now he had slipped up and kissed Neil when he was vulnerable so he was driving around the city, speeding way too fast late at night, trying to shut his brain off and trying to figure out where he was going to go. He couldn't go back to the apartment. He couldn't risk it.

Neil kissing him back had meant nothing. Neil had made it very clear that he didn't swing and Neil was vulnerable and Andrew had pushed himself on him. Neil was the worst thing that ever happened to Andrew and Andrew hated him for that pit of fear in his stomach. Andrew refused to be like the men who had hurt him. He refused to push himself onto Neil. He wouldn't do that to him and he wouldn't let himself become like them. He would rather crash this car into the side of a bridge and kill himself than become like them.

But he wasn't at that stage yet. He'd made a deal with Neil. He was going to see it through. Neil needed him to stay in the country. Neil had come with him to Columbia and convinced his family that they were a real couple. Neil was letting Nicky plan their wedding. Andrew was going to keep his end of the deal and attend it and keep Neil in the country because Andrew kept his promises because he was never going to let himself be like them.

So he sped around, driving recklessly on the nearly empty streets for long enough to clear his head some, and then he pulled over in an empty parking lot. Maybe he would sleep in his car. It had been a while since Andrew had practiced his ability to fall asleep anywhere, but he thought he could sleep there without being too sore from it the next morning.

Instead, he pulled out his phone and called Renee. He wasn't sure if she would still be up at this hour or not. He knew that she would talk to him even if she had been asleep.

"Hello," Renee answered on the second ring. "I'm guessing you're not just calling me to catch up at this hour. What's going on?"

"I kissed Neil," Andrew said.

"That's great," Renee said. "Isn't it? I knew you liked him. Or did he not kiss you back?"

"He kissed back," Andrew said.

"But?" Renee asked and it was a relief to talk to someone who could hear the but in his tone, even when he did not say it.

"But it doesn't matter," Andrew said. "He is not interested in anyone, let alone me. He only kissed back because he wasn't in his right mind and I pushed myself on him."

There was a short pause and then Renee said, "Andrew, you should talk to him. Not now. When you've both had time to think it over and get into a better headspace. Just because he is not having a good day does not mean that he wouldn't have kissed you back anyway. You're marrying him anyway. Is it really that big of a risk to admit that you're interested in him when everyone else thinks you are anyway?"

Andrew did not care that everyone else thought that he was interested in Neil. He did not care that everyone else thought Neil was interested in him. That did not matter at all.

"What if he just kissed back because he thought he had to for me to keep the deal?" Andrew asked.

"You said he argues about everything, right?" Renee asked. "You know him better than I do. Do you really think he'd let you get away with that?"

Andrew hesitated, then said, "No… I don't know. He is desperate to stay in the country."

Part of Andrew was afraid that Neil would do anything to stay, including not saying no to him. Another part was terrified that Neil might just not have said no because he did not want to. It was one thing for Andrew to have accepted that he was hopelessly attracted to and interested in Neil. It was a whole other thing for him to accept the risk that came with the possibility of Neil being interested in him too.

Andrew had spent his whole life careful to keep anyone he found attractive at a distance. He had been careful not to let himself get too attached. He could count the only people who mattered on his hands with fingers to spare. But Neil was different.

Andrew had numbed himself and distanced himself as best as he could. That had never been difficult before. Most people thought he was a monster and steered clear of him anyway. Neil was different. Neil didn't scare so easily. That was what Andrew needed, but Andrew didn't want to need anyone. He had always wondered how his family had gotten so suckered in with their spouses and now he wasn't even marrying Neil for anything more than a stupid deal and a legal loophole and he had already become a sucker himself.

"So make sure he knows he doesn't have to, but don't torture yourself marrying him and not giving anything real a chance," Renee said.

"He is annoyingly interesting and attractive," Andrew said. "That does not mean that I want to marry him."

"But you already are," Renee pointed out. "Do you really want to be married to a man you're interested in and never see if anything could happen?"

Andrew said nothing. He wasn't sure what he wanted. He missed not wanting anything more than Nicky off of his back.

"You don't have to marry him, you know," Renee told him. "It is not your fault that he is being deported. There's no reason he should expect you to marry him to keep him here."

"I am marrying him," Andrew said definitively. "I made a promise and I will not break it. I'll figure this out, but I am not going back on my deal."

"Okay," Renee said. "Just be careful."

He wasn't sure if she meant to be careful for his own sake or for Neil's. Probably both. It was good advice. He hoped he wasn't too stupid to take it, but there was something about Neil that seemed to kill off more and more of Andrew's brain cells every day. It really was a wonder that Andrew purposely kept him around.

* * *

Andrew still hadn't come back to the apartment since the kiss. Neil had sat there with the rest of Andrew's movie playing in the background while he replayed the conversation and kiss in his head over and over and over, trying to understand what had happened and why that kiss had been so different.

It was late by the time he turned the tv off and went to Andrew's bed. He left Andrew a pillow and blanket on the floor, even though he wasn't sure if Andrew was coming back or not.

Andrew couldn't really just abandon his apartment forever, could he? But then again, how many times had Neil left a place and left anything that wasn't crucial behind the moment things got out of hand?

Neil couldn't sleep and he was no closer to figuring out what happened or why he had felt things he had never felt before with Andrew of all people. He didn't know why Andrew had left. All he knew was that Neil was used to having nothing and feeling nothing, but since he had gotten himself wrapped up in this engagement with Andrew, he had been feeling all sorts of things he hadn't let himself feel in years around Andrew and his family. And now he felt something completely different for Andrew and all he knew was that he wanted to feel it again.

Andrew had kissed him and now Neil wanted to try that again. He wanted to see what it could feel like to be with someone with all that electricity he had never felt before. But Andrew had run right after and now Neil might never get the opportunity to feel the same thing again. Or, worse, maybe he would keep feeling it and have to pretend he didn't. They would have to kiss again at the wedding again at the very least. What if Neil felt the sparks all over everything and he was even hungrier for this new feeling and Andrew was just trying to get it over with like Neil had been expecting he would be when the situation came up where he'd have to kiss Andrew?

Neil's mind wouldn't shut off and he couldn't sleep. He was sure that he was going to be worn out the next morning and he needed to clear his head. So Neil got back out of bed and went to the too empty drawer Andrew had given him and grabbed a pair of sweatpants.

* * *

It was just Andrew's luck that on his way back to the apartment to sleep on the couch and hope Neil was already asleep, he came across Neil running on the side of the road.

He knew he should keep driving and leave him there but, instead, he slowed down and rolled his window down.

Neil nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard the car slowing behind him, but when he looked over his shoulder and saw Andrew leaning out of the open window, he visibly relaxed immediately. Andrew wondered how the sight of him could have that effect after he had pushed things while Neil was vulnerable. Maybe, he hadn't totally screwed things up and made Neil uncomfortable in unforgivable ways after all. He was going to have to be more careful anyway.

"I know you get up early to run, but this is just ridiculous," Andrew told him.

Neil kept jogging and didn't say anything. Maybe he was uncomfortable with Andrew after all and he had just thought a worse monster was coming after him in the night.

"Do you want a ride back?" Andrew asked. He wasn't sure why he said it. He wasn't sure why he wanted Neil to get in the car so badly when the idea overwhelmed him so much.

Neil was still running. He didn't say anything. Maybe he was considering it. Probably, he was ignoring him.

"Suit yourself," Andrew said and he leaned back through the window so he was fully in the car again.

He was about to floor it away to give Neil his space when Neil stopped running and turned to face him. Andrew slammed on the brakes.

"I just needed to clear my head," Neil said as he walked towards the window. He said it as if he thought he somehow owed Andrew an explanation.

"I didn't ask," Andrew pointed out.

"You're a dick," Neil told him and Andrew felt a surge of relief to have Neil talking to him like this. He was more like himself than the quiet version he had been earlier. Andrew liked the honesty from earlier, but he preferred Neil's attitude like this. That probably didn't say anything good about him, but Andrew already knew he had a whole list of problems so that didn't really rank very high on the list.

"Do you want the ride or not?" Andrew asked.

Neil didn't answer the question. Instead, he asked, "Why did you kiss me?"

"Why didn't you stop me?" Andrew countered.

Neil rolled his eyes like he thought Andrew was bragging and shoving the fact that Neil hadn't pushed him away in his face.

"You should have told me to stop," Andrew said. "You should have pushed me away."

"Why?" Neil asked. He looked genuinely confused. Maybe he was as dumb as Andrew was tonight.

"Because you don't swing. Because you told me your father was a serial killer and I kissed you," Andrew said. "Because I am not okay with you letting me kiss you just because you do not want me to go back on our deal."

"That wasn't why I let you kiss me," Neil insisted.

He looked like he was waiting for Andrew to ask why he kissed him then. Andrew didn't. That question would be far too dangerous and Andrew didn't think that he wanted to know.

"Kissing has never felt like anything to me before," Neil said. "It felt like something with you. I don't swing. I don't walk around attracted to people. But that kiss was something and I want to try it again."

Andrew should have been relieved, but he thought that was the worst thing that Neil had ever said to him.

"That kiss was nothing," Andrew said. "And you are not in the right frame of mind to decide what you want right now. Are you getting in the car or not?"

Neil said nothing, but he walked around the car and got in.

* * *

When they made it back to Andrew’s place, Andrew didn’t get out of the car so Neil sat there and waited.

They sat in silence in the dark of the car for a long time, then Andrew said, “Drake was my foster brother. I could handle what he did to me and thought it would be worth it to have a mother, but Cass was not my mother. I found about Aaron and Drake did too. I made the choices I had to to make sure Drake stayed away from him. I told Nicky’s father what he used to do when we were alone, but he did not believe me. He tried to get us to reconnect and Aaron smashed Drake’s skull in to get him off me. He is dead and irrelevant and I won’t be like him so I never should have kissed you.”

Neil wasn’t sure why Andrew was telling him this, but he felt incredibly grateful that Andrew trusted him this much and incredibly sick that this had happened and that Andrew was telling him with such an air of indifference. Neil had a new appreciation for Aaron, who had killed Drake and who had been trying to make sure that Neil wasn’t taking advantage of Andrew or saying things that made Andrew uncomfortable without him knowing. Aaron was annoying, but at least he looked out for his brother.

Neil did not think Andrew would appreciate him thanking him for telling him so, instead, he said, “You aren’t like him. I was alright with you kissing me and the fact that you were worried about whether I was or not shows that you aren’t like him.”

Andrew was silent for a moment, then he said, “Both of us need time to think this over in a better headspace. I am not kissing you again unless we both want to after we’ve had some time to think.”

Neil did not think that he would change his mind about being curious about the feeling he’d had when Andrew had kissed him, but Andrew needed time and he needed to know that Neil had had time too, so Neil nodded his head.

“Okay,” Neil said. “We’ll give it time. I’m going to go shower and sleep.”

“Good,” Andrew said. “You reek and I don’t need you stinking up my bed.”


	10. Chapter 10

"Hey, Jean," Matt said. "How's your first day going? Has the monster made you regret taking the job yet?"

Neil felt a surge of annoyance at that comment and he couldn't hold it down. He wasn't thinking about protecting their cover. The wedding and the need to convince everyone that they were in love didn't even cross his mind. He was just thinking about how angry he was as he snapped, "Andrew's not a monster. He's just getting his job done."

Neil had interviewed a bunch of candidates to replace him as Andrew's assistant before he had settled on Jean. He had thought that Andrew would want to choose his own assistant, but Andrew had said that he didn't want to deal with people and he had delegated the task to Neil. Neil could have chosen someone horrible, but Andrew was trusting him with this. He knew that it took a certain kind of person to handle Andrew without breaking and he refused to hire anyone that would break in the first week or that would treat Andrew horribly.

He could tell quickly who Andrew wouldn't be able to stand. He was done with a lot of candidates before the interview even properly began.

He had sat through a lot of bad interviews before he had gotten to Jean. It only took talking about Jean's last job for Neil to decide that he liked him. Jean was tough. He could handle Andrew. Neil wanted Andrew to have a good assistant with him gone.

Neil didn't even think about their act until he saw the look on Matt's face and Matt asked, "Wow, you're like really in love with him. Aren't you?"

That question made Neil's skin crawl. He didn't want to think about that comment or about how apparently, in Matt’s mind, it took being in love with Andrew to see him as a human being and not just some horrible monster that lived to make other people miserable.

"Why do you think we got engaged?" Neil questioned with an edge to his tone.

Matt looked nervous now like he was just finally catching on to how annoyed Neil was as Neil glared at him.

"I mean, I know you guys apparently had your whole secret thing you wouldn't even tell me about," Matt said. "But you still complained about him to me when you must have been dating."

That  _ you wouldn't even tell me about _ grated on Neil's nerves even more.

"He can be annoying, but that doesn't make him a monster or give you an excuse to turn his new assistant against him from the start," Neil insisted.

Matt raised his hands in a show of innocence like he hadn't just been trashing Neil's supposed fiancé to Neil's face.

"Okay, sorry," Matt said. "I was just trying to warn Jean about what he's like, but I guess he can figure that out on his own."

Neil was still annoyed as he insisted, "It's different when I vent about him because I know that he's an actual person with his own problems to deal with. You're just spreading lies about him being an emotionless monster and I'm sick of everybody talking about it."

Matt looked like he wanted to point out that Neil had used to say the same thing and Neil thought that Matt should consider himself very lucky that he was smart enough to hold his tongue.

Neil was annoyed at Matt, but he was just as annoyed at himself for not seeing it earlier and annoyed that Andrew's own family didn't really seem to get it either. Maybe, Andrew went along with the lie that he didn't have feelings, but Neil had spent enough time around him now to know that Andrew had feelings whether he wanted to believe that or not.

"Well, either way, I think I can handle him," Jean said in a clipped tone. "He cannot be as bad as my last boss was."

"Neil," Andrew said, suddenly appearing out of nowhere. "My office. Alone. Now."

There was a dangerous edge to his tone that was enough to keep Matt from making a suggestive comment and that would be a relief if Andrew didn't seem angry at Neil for absolutely no reason.

Neil reluctantly left Matt and Jean alone with a warning glare in Matt's direction. He hoped that would be enough to make Matt keep his mouth shut about Andrew, but he wasn't sure that it would be.

Neil walked into the office, already defending himself as he closed the door. For once, he was relieved with the glass windows in the office. He didn't want anyone to see them arguing, but that was better than them thinking they were locked away in Andrew's office messing around on the job.

"He can't just talk about you like that in front of your new assistant," Neil insisted. "It's unprofessional and it's garbage and it's not even true."

Andrew held a hand up to cut him off and when Neil didn't stop talking right away, Andrew spoke over him. "I do not need you to defend me."

"But you don't defend yourself," Neil argued. "And it's not just Matt.  _ Everyone _ says it."

"I do not care what everyone says," Andrew said. Andrew was known for being cold but, usually, Neil could see through that now to an extent. He couldn't see through it now. "It is not your job to care either."

"Isn't it more convincing?" Neil challenged, even though that was definitely not why he was doing it, because now he was annoyed with Andrew for arguing with him and acting like he was the problem for trying to defend him and like Matt wasn't the problem for publicly trash-talking Andrew at work.

"I am already the boss that started seeing his assistant and promoted him as soon as people found out," Andrew pointed out in that eerily calm tone that made Neil feel like a complete idiot and always made him angrier. "Do not defend me. I do not care what people say about me and you caring will only make this look worse."

"But-" Neil tried, but Andrew cut him off again.

"But nothing," Andrew insisted. "Pull something like that again and I will personally make sure you lose your new job and don't have one to come back to."

* * *

Neil had been thinking about that kiss for days. He knew that Andrew needed them both to have time and space to think it through before they could try it again, but Neil had been distracted by Andrew at work and at home every day. He wanted to kiss him again. He wanted to see if that feeling would come back or if it would be a fluke.

So when a few days had passed and they were sitting on the couch while Andrew watched a movie and Neil thought about the warmth of Andrew's lips, Neil turned in his seat and said, "I've had days to think about it. I still want to kiss you again."

Andrew paused the movie but said nothing.

"I know you think I'm not in my right frame of mind, but I am," Neil said. "I've had days to think about it and I want to kiss you again if you still want to kiss me."

Something in Andrew's jaw twitched.

"I never want to kiss you," he said. "I want nothing to do with you."

"Okay," Neil said. He was surprised by the disappointment he felt.

Andrew narrowed his eyes at him like he was annoyed with Neil and that made no sense. Andrew had told him to tell him if he still wanted to kiss him after time to think.

"I hate you," Andrew said. "You are attractive and interesting and dangerous and I want nothing."

Neil couldn't tell if Andrew was rejecting him or not anymore.

"You don't have to kiss me," Neil said. "If you changed your mind."

The idea that Andrew had changed his mind was unnervingly disappointing.

"I did not change my mind about kissing you," Andrew said. "Stand up."

Neil wasn't sure what was going on, but he did as he was told.

Andrew tossed the remote on the couch and stood up so that he was staring into Neil's eyes.

"If we are going to try this, your hands have to stay in your pockets," Andrew told him.

Neil stuck both his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Andrew followed the movements with his eyes and watched him for a moment before he seemed satisfied.

"Stay still," Andrew said.

Neil did as he was told, even when Andrew stepped so close that their mouths were almost touching.

"Yes or no?" Andrew asked.

"Yes," Neil said and then they were kissing.

The electricity was back. This kiss was just as urgent and hungry like Neil hadn't been the only one waiting days for this. That was a jostling thought, but it didn't stay in Neil's head for long. It was hard to think about anything when Andrew's mouth was on his, consuming his every thought.

When Andrew came up for air, Neil was left breathless. He wanted to chase Andrew's mouth with his, but he wasn't sure if that was allowed. His hands were still useless in his pockets.

Andrew sat back down and unpaused the movie as if nothing had happened.

* * *

The next night, Neil went for a run to try to clear his head from all the extra thoughts of Andrew and all the phone calls and texts he had gotten from Nicky about the wedding and from Kevin about the wedding and about exy.

When he came back to the apartment, he was all sweaty and in need of a shower, but Andrew took one look at him and asked, "Yes or no?"

"Yes," Neil said.

A shower could definitely wait.

Neil didn't have pockets, but he remembered Andrew's hands in his pocket rule from the night before, so he clasped his hands behind his back to make Andrew more comfortable.

Andrew glanced down at Neil's arms and he must have been satisfied with Neil's solution for his lack of pockets because he leaned forward and kissed him.

Neil was careful not to lean into Andrew like he wanted to. He concentrated on keeping his body still as they kissed. This was only their third kiss, but already Neil could feel himself getting addicted. This was dangerous and he wasn't sure what it was, but he was certain there were no feelings involved.

Still, the physical sensation was something else. Neil had never felt anything like this before. He had never felt like this with anyone else. He would take any kisses Andrew would give him.

Neil was disappointed when Andrew pulled away again, but unlike the night before that wasn't the end of the kissing.

"Give me your hands," Andrew said.

Neil wasn't sure what was going on, but he stuck his hands out in front of him obediently.

Andrew grabbed them and redirected them onto his head. His hair was soft against Neil's fingertips.

"Only here," Andrew warned.

"Okay," Neil said.

"Say it," Andrew said.

"I'll only put my hands here," Neil promised.

Apparently, Andrew believed him because he kissed him again. This time, Neil had something to anchor himself with as he tangled his fingers in Andrew's hair. Somehow, this was even better.


	11. Chapter 11

Neil was relieved when Andrew's phone rang from a call from Nicky. He was glad Nicky was calling Andrew instead of him.

"Hello," Andrew answered. After a pause, he added, "I told you he doesn't answer his phone, but he's right here. I'll give it to him."

Suddenly, Neil wasn't so relieved after all.

"I'm busy," Neil said, although really he was channel surfing for something he wouldn't pay attention to anyway.

"Too bad," Andrew said and he dropped the phone on Neil's lap.

Neil sighed and picked the phone up. "Hi, Nicky."

"You know, I wouldn't have to call you on Andrew's phone if you would just answer yours," Nicky insisted.

"I don't check my phone that often," Neil said. "What's so important?"

"Your wedding," Nicky said. "Obviously. Allison's been working hard on it and I'm here to update you about what we have planned so far."

"Why can't you update Andrew?" Neil asked.

"I already did," Nicky said and that surprised Neil. "But I'm sure he hasn't passed any of the information on to you. But that's okay. That's why I'm talking to you now."

Neil braced himself for a long conversation that he was bound not to care about.

Neil had been getting all kinds of texts from Nicky and Kevin since they had gone back to Columbia. Kevin at least had the consideration to keep it to only a few texts a day. Nicky seemed to text or call him every time that he thought of something and was seemingly incapable of sending all of the things he had to send in one message instead of a burst of them.

Neil answered some of the texts. He ignored others. Texts about the wedding planning mostly went unresponded to because he did not think there was any point in him saying anything about Nicky's updates. Kevin's texts asking if he had caught the latest game were more likely to get answered than any others. Neil had texted more since leaving Columbia than he had in the rest of his life combined, even though he left so many messages unanswered.

Surprisingly, Andrew didn't seem to leave any of his texts and calls unanswered. Neil saw his phone light up with messages from Nicky and Renee and Bee and Kevin and Aaron and he looked at them all right away and usually typed out a response, although Neil doubted they gave much information most of the time.

One time, Andrew even opened a cat video on his phone that Bee had sent him and showed it to Neil like he thought Neil should see this video Bee had found so important.

Neil liked cats, but he couldn't fathom why anyone would think a video of one was important enough to send to someone. Andrew seemed amused though and he spent the next ten minutes texting back and forth with Bee.

* * *

"So, now that you're telling people about you two, when is the wedding?" Matt asked.

It was Neil's last day working as Andrew's assistant and training Jean before he would start his new job in his new office. Matt seemed to be trying to make the most of their last day as assistants together and spend as much time together. Neil didn't have much work to do since Jean was taking over and picking things up quickly, so he was able to spend the extra time with Matt and for once it was nice to let himself talk to Matt and he wasn't worrying too much about Matt getting to know him too well.

Neil was just relieved that he was going to get to stay in the country and would be able to see Matt more often. Matt had been good to Neil in his time there and he hadn't realized how guilty he felt for shutting him out and keeping him at an arms' length as much as possible until he saw how excited Matt got when he had a real conversation with him about his trip to Columbia with Andrew.

"The Saturday after Thanksgiving," Neil told him. "We're going back to Columbia to spend Thanksgiving with Andrew's family and then we're going to get married while we're out there. Andrew's cousin is handling most of the stuff so we're getting married in his backyard. Andrew used to live there too so it's like getting married in his backyard. Except we don't really have one in the apartment."

"Oh, wow," Matt said and there was something disappointed in his expression. "You've got the whole thing worked out already. I was expecting months from now, not a couple weeks. I guess you've already sent out all your invitations and everything."

"We didn't really send out invitations," Neil said. "It's going to be a small wedding and everyone coming was in Columbia already or Andrew called them."

For a moment, Neil didn't realize why Matt was disappointed and then it hit him.

"Oh," Neil said. "Did you want to come?"

"I mean, you don't have to invite me," Matt said. "You've already got your wedding all planned out. I just thought we were friends and if I was marrying Dan over again, I would invite you. But I get it if it's a small just family thing.”

Neil was shocked by that, but he could tell that Matt meant it.

"We're friends?" Neil asked. He wasn't used to having those.

Nicky and Kevin were the only friends he really had at this point and that was incredibly new allowing himself to have that and those small friendships had developed only because he had been required to get along with them.

Maybe Andrew was his friend too, but Neil had his doubts about that and he was certain that, even if they were friends, Andrew would refuse to admit it if he asked.

"Of course we are," Matt said. He sounded sad that Neil hadn't realized earlier.

"I don't really have friends," Neil said.

Matt looked like he had been hit. He thought that Neil was turning down his friendship.

"I don't really have family either," Neil added. "I only have Andrew and his friends and family so I didn't bother inviting anybody. I didn't think I had anybody that would want to come. But if you want to come, you can and you can bring Dan. Nicky would probably be thrilled that there was anybody coming for me."

"Of course we want to come," Matt said with a big grin.

"I'll call Nicky later to tell him," Neil assured him.

Before Matt could ask more about the wedding, Andrew headed out of his office and straight toward Neil's desk and said, "Neil. Coffee."

Neil didn't even think before he responded, "I've been getting you coffee for three years, get it yourself."

Then he remembered he was at work and he was still Andrew's assistant and Matt was sitting right there and was supposed to think that he was in love with Andrew.

Neil glanced over at Matt to see if he had completely blown it, but Matt was just looking between them in awe like he couldn't believe the power shift that had occurred between them.

Neil expected Andrew to argue and tell Neil it was his job to get it. Instead, Andrew took off and headed over to ask Jean.

* * *

Andrew could hardly believe it when he walked into the living room and found Neil on his phone, waiting for someone he was calling outside of work to pick the phone up. He sat down silently to eavesdrop, but Neil didn't seem overly concerned about him overhearing.

The whole phone call lasted under five minutes. Andrew had a sneaking suspicion that Neil must have hung up while Nicky was still talking because he had certainly never been able to get Nicky off the phone that easily, especially when it came to talking about the wedding.

"You invited Matt to our wedding?" Andrew asked as soon as Neil hung up.

"It'll be more convincing if I have someone there too," Neil defended. "Someone outside of your family. Besides, he's my friend and he wants to come."

"I thought you didn't have friends," Andrew accused.

"I thought so too," Neil said.

Andrew hated Neil and he hated the hold he had on him. He hated that Matt being there meaning something to Neil meant that he was going to have to endure Matt's presence.

"Fine," Andrew said. "But I'm not talking to him."

"I didn't think you would," Neil told him.

* * *

Andrew let Neil go to his new office on his own the next morning. He didn't need to see the office, but he was curious about whether Neil would like it or not though. He was going to visit him and check in on how he was settling into his office soon but, first, he had to get some work done and he needed to wait for Jean to come in so that he could make him go get something for him.

Jean was an alright assistant, but Andrew was going to miss having Neil as his assistant, even though he knew that Neil deserved the promotion and that they couldn't continue whatever was going on between them if Neil worked for him.

Truth be told, Neil was a great assistant, but Andrew could never tell him that. He couldn't let that go to Neil's head. Andrew had spent three years making sure that Neil did not realize that he could do better because then he might have quit or might have taken advantage of that information. Neil had been a great assistant, but he deserved more than just to be an assistant. Andrew was just going to have to get used to just alright Jean instead.

* * *

Neil was in his new office, watching Matt check it out and gush about how cool it was, when Andrew showed up.

"Your assistant could have warned you I was coming if he wasn't sitting on your desk instead of at his," Andrew said as he let himself in.

Matt was Neil's new assistant. It hadn't been a part of the deal for Neil to get a new job with an assistant, but Andrew had somehow managed to throw an assistant into the deal without Neil asking for one. Matt had been working for Seth for years and was worn out of his grumpiness, but now Matt was Neil's new assistant and he was so eager about it that some of his excitement was rubbing off on Neil.

Neil was surprised that Andrew had bothered to leave his own office to come to see Neil’s new one. He was even more surprised that Andrew was carrying two coffees. He handed one of them to Neil wordlessly and Neil could tell that he was trying to ignore the stare Matt was giving him.

"Decided to get your own coffee for once?" Neil asked.

"Jean got it," Andrew said. "Figured he could get you one too."

Neil could feel a smile tugging at his lips and he knew that Andrew wouldn't like it if he started grinning at the gesture and making a big deal about it, especially in front of Matt, so he took a sip of his drink to try to disguise his gratitude.

The coffee was exactly the way he liked it.

* * *

Andrew and Neil had formed a sort of routine since they had started testing out what they were comfortable with together.

When Andrew came back from cleaning his hand up and changing into sweatpants to go to bed after he and Neil’s latest romp, he looked between the floor and the bed where Neil was still lying.

"Put something on," Andrew said.

Neil glanced over at him, but he was already sitting up and reaching for his boxers.

Andrew watched as Neil put them and his shirt back on and he said, "Pants too."

"What difference does it make to you?" Neil asked. "I always sleep in my boxers."

Andrew said nothing.

"Oh," Neil said. "Are you coming back to the bed too?"

"Is that alright with you?" Andrew asked.

"Yes," Neil said and he nodded his head all too quickly and Andrew wasn't sure how to feel about that.

Neil grabbed a pair of sweats with a lot of holes in them and pulled them on and waited.

"Get in bed," Andrew said.

He stood next to his own side of the bed and watched as Neil got into the other side and got settled. He left plenty of space on the other side of the bed and in the middle. Andrew waited a moment to make sure that he was done getting comfortable and then he got into the other side, facing Neil with a gap between them so that they weren't touching.

"Stop looking at me like that," Andrew said because Neil was staring at him in awe like Andrew was doing more than just sleeping in the same bed as him.

This was a big deal for Andrew and it was comforting and nerve-wracking that Neil understood that. Andrew was glad that Neil was not pushing it and was giving him space, but Neil was also looking at him like Andrew had done something major just for him.

"This isn't for you," Andrew said.

"Okay," Neil said.

"This is for me," Andrew added.

"Alright," Neil agreed.

"You stay on your side of the bed and I stay on mine," Andrew insisted.

"I will," Neil said. "I promise."

Andrew stared into Neil's eyes for a moment longer and then he told him, "Go to sleep, idiot."

Neil blinked at him for a moment longer like he was trying to get one last look at his face before he shut his eyes and pressed his face into his pillow.

"Good night, Andrew," Neil said.

Andrew didn't say it back.

He stayed awake, watching Neil in the dark room until Neil's breath had evened out and he was sure that he was asleep.

"Good night, Neil," he said quietly as a way to check, just in case he was still awake.

Neil didn't react.

Andrew shut his eyes and tried to fall asleep.

* * *

Even though it was just sleeping, it felt like something more to Neil. Andrew had let him sleep in the same bed as him and that felt like something major. There was no way that Neil was going to screw this up.

Neil had woken up on his side of the bed, but Andrew's arm was crossing the space between them so that his hand was wedged under the side of Neil's pillow. Neil didn't dare move or breathe too hard, lest he wake Andrew up and make him think that someone was touching him.

So instead, Neil laid still and watched Andrew with the sunlight shining through the window playing across his features. Neil wondered how he had worked for Andrew for years and hadn't realized how beautiful he was. Even with his hair mussed up and his face twitching in his sleep, Andrew was breathtaking. Neil wondered what he was dreaming about. He hoped that it was something good.

When Andrew woke up, his eyes fluttered open slowly as he blinked the sleep out of his eyes. He didn't seem overly concerned when he saw Neil, still on the opposite side of the bed.

"Good morning," Neil said.

Andrew seemed to notice his arm under Neil's pillow and he pulled it away.

"I didn't mean to go on your side," Andrew muttered.

"I don't mind," Neil assured him.

Andrew let his arm fall halfway between them instead.

"Aren't you usually coming back from a run by now?" Andrew asked. "It's light out. What are you still doing in bed?"

"I didn't want to wake you up," Neil said.

"That's never stopped you before," Andrew countered.

"I like sharing a bed with you," Neil told him.

"Do not say stupid things," Andrew told him.

"It isn't stupid," Neil insisted. "It's the truth. You just don't want to hear it."

"I thought you would die if you went a day without running," Andrew said.

"I think you might like sharing a bed with me too," Neil accused because he was certain that if Andrew did not like this, he would not still be lying in the bed talking to him.

"Shut up," Andrew said and then he rolled over to check the time on his phone. "We still have half an hour until we need to get ready for work. You could go for a run. Or we could stay here."

"Stay here," Neil responded immediately.


	12. Chapter 12

Neil was glad that he wasn't involved in the wedding planning. It turned out that Allison was even more opinionated than Nicky had told him. She was also a miracle worker.

This wedding was short notice and Kevin and Thea were paying her a lot of money to be here, but Allison was getting things done incredibly quickly.

Neil had liked her from the moment he had walked back into Nicky and Erik's house to the sight of her going toe to toe with Kevin. She was tough and she wouldn't let anyone tell her that they knew better than her at her own job.

When Neil had shown up with a week to go the wedding and had seen how many things she, Nicky, and Kevin were still arguing about he had thought that they would never get even a third of the stuff done, but every day more things Allison had specially ordered came in.

Kevin wasn't even supposed to be involved in planning the wedding, but he kept judging what Nicky was picking out and choosing other things and calling in favours and using he and Thea's money and status to get the most expensive floral arrangements ordered. Neil didn't have the heart to tell Kevin that he couldn't care less about what flowers were there. Honestly, he couldn't care less about whether there were flowers at all or not, but he thought Kevin might snap if he told him that.

Neil was glad that his opinion did not matter to the others because he could not imagine being put through the stress of having to make one, let alone all of the decisions. The one time Allison had asked his opinion on plates, Neil had answered so wrong that she hadn't asked him another question again. They didn't even consult him about the decisions they made together anymore.

Neil really didn't mind.

* * *

“So,” Nicky said and Neil knew Nicky well enough now to brace himself because he knew he was going to need to. “Who are your groomsmen going to be?”

Neil froze in his panic and didn’t say anything. He hoped Nicky would drop the question for now, even though now that it had been brought up he knew that it was a problem that was not going to go away.

He should have thought about this possibility earlier. He had known that he had to go through with a wedding and had been dreading it, but he hadn’t yet thought about the horror that was groomsmen. He didn’t have time to come up with a good enough lie for why he couldn’t get anybody to show up the wedding for him on his side that wouldn’t seem as sketchy as the truth about Neil’s family and about why he had a habit of trying so hard to lay low.

“Andrew thought you might not have anyone,” Nicky said. “He said you don’t talk to any of the family you have left and you’ve been too busy with work to make any good friends.”

Neil waited for the other shoe to drop. Nicky was acting like Andrew was trying to be genuinely helpful and considerate and Neil knew better than to believe it. He didn’t know how Andrew had used that information against him, but he was sure that he had, probably all while convincing Nicky that he was just looking out for Neil’s best interests while trying to annoy Neil just for his own amusement.

“Don’t worry,” Nicky said. “Kevin can be your best man and Erik would be happy to be one of your groomsmen.”

Neil wasn’t sure why that mattered so much to him when it was just Kevin and Erik filling out positions because he had no one else. He probably should have been embarrassed that Kevin, who he hadn’t seen in years, and Erik, who he had just barely met and knew next to nothing about, were acting as his groomsmen because he really didn’t have anyone he cared about or who genuinely cared about him.

But the fact that he wasn’t going to be standing on his own meant something to Neil. They hardly knew him, but they were going to stand by his side and support him. They were going to make sure he didn’t have to stand up there all alone. And Andrew had arranged this for him. Andrew, who loved to torment Neil about his sad family and friend situation, had gone out of his way to keep Neil from being embarrassed about it and alone at their sham wedding and that meant something like Andrew’s family’s willingness to help out meant something.

Neil tried not to show how much that touched him, but it meant too much to just say nothing while Nicky watched him expectantly.

“Thank you,” Neil said and he tried to keep his emotion out of his voice.

“Don’t thank me,” Nicky said. “It’s Andrew who was worried about it. And you’re family now. Of course, we would do this for you. You don’t have to be on your own anymore. You’ve got Andrew and us.”

Neil was overwhelmed by just how good it felt to be a part of a family again, even if his inclusion was based entirely on a foundation of lies. The only thing close to this that he had ever experienced before was his relationship with his mother and she was gone now. He hadn’t thought he would ever experience family again.

* * *

Thanksgiving was hectic, to say the least.

Neil's first impression of Wymack and Abby when they arrived at Nicky and Erik's place for Thanksgiving was not good.

Wymack's opening line was, "Oh, you must be the one taking Andrew off of our hands. We're so glad to finally have someone to put up with him for us and maybe make him a little less angry all the time."

Neil had bristled at that and was certain that he wouldn't like either of them,

Andrew hadn't seemed bothered at all though as he responded, "You wish. Abby took you off of our hands and you're still angry all the time."

"You've got me there," Wymack said with a laugh. "Where's Kevin? Watching the parade?"

"Just like every year," Nicky said. "They all hide out on the couch watching it instead of helping in the kitchen."

"Well then I'd better get to the couch fast before I get roped into helping," Wymack responded.

Abby elbowed him in the side and said, "Don't you even try, David. You have ten minutes to catch up with your son and then I'm putting you both to work."

"Yes ma'am," Wymack huffed as she headed toward the kitchen. He only sounded half serious about how annoyed he was.

"You are so married," Nicky accused.

"For the last time, I did not marry Abby without inviting any of you hooligans," Wymack insisted. "If we ever got married, all of you idiots would be a part of it."

"But you're dating though, right?" Nicky asked.

"I'm not settling that bet," Wymack insisted.

"But I'm broke," Nicky insisted. "Just tell everyone you're dating Abby. I'm spending so much money on Andrew's wedding. You could help fund it."

"Too bad, kid," Wymack said. “My lips are sealed.”

* * *

It turned out that Neil liked Wymack and Abby a lot. Abby put them all to work and somehow managed to form some semblance control with the mess that was Andrew and his family. They all listened to her and respected her and Neil even found himself listening to her instructions without hesitation.

Neil had never heard about Wymack or met him when he had known Kevin in university. From what Nicky told Neil, Wymack hadn't known that he was Kevin's father back then. But, now, he was laughing and joking around with them all and catching up with his son and Neil's first impression began to fade as he saw how comfortable they all were with him.

Neil had been afraid that Wymack would be like his father or thought of Andrew as only a monster like most of the people at work did, but Neil was surprised to find that Andrew's dynamic with Wymack wasn't totally dissimilar to his dynamic with Bee. Maybe Andrew didn't have parents, but he did have something with Bee and Wymack and Nicky.

* * *

When it came time to go around the table and say what they were thankful for, Neil refused. He didn't wait until his turn either. Bee introduced the idea for Neil's benefit so that he knew their tradition that they had all ruined over the years since she did not know that Andrew had already told Neil and Neil stared her dead in the eyes and said, "I'm not doing that."

Andrew didn't like to disappoint Bee, but he was glad that he wasn't the only one refusing to say his out loud this year. For once, he wasn't all on his own. Maybe, Erik had made the turkey and Andrew hadn't gotten to help Bee like usual, but maybe one old tradition wouldn't be totally butchered.

"Betsy and Abby won't let you eat if you don't," Wymack warned him. "Believe me, I've tried."

"I'm not saying mine," Neil said. "I won't. Andrew said you write them down and no one knows who wrote what. I'll do that. I'm not saying mine out loud."

For once, Neil's stubborn attitude was working in Andrew’s favour. It was about time.

Nicky complained, "I'm starving. Can we not have this argument again?"

"You already know that I'm not saying mine," Andrew said. "I'll just sit here."

"Everyone has to say something they're thankful for before they get to eat," Abby warned.

Andrew knew she was serious. Last time he had come to Thanksgiving, the first year that the tradition was completely broken, he had stormed out and had skipped dinner altogether. When he had come back after everyone was done eating, Abby had given him pie and leftovers and he had said he was thankful that the stupid holiday was almost over.

Andrew expected Aaron to insist that everyone else was doing it because Aaron didn't like Neil and Andrew was certain that it would kill Aaron a little if Neil got to manipulate it so that he could change the rules from the ones Aaron had been following.

Instead, Aaron said, "It was better when we wrote them down. I'm not saying mine either."

Maybe Aaron hadn't _completely_ changed and given in to whatever Katelyn wanted since he had married her after all.

"Kevin's were a lot less passive aggressive when we didn't know they were his," Nicky admitted, although he had never had a problem with saying what he was thankful for out loud and had usually started them off that way before they had ended up writing when no one else would contribute.

"Fine," Abby gave. "You can eat. I don't want a repeat of last time. But no seconds on the pie if you don't say one."

"No, it's okay," Bee said. "We can write them down."

Wymack looked just as relieved as Andrew felt.

Bee went into the kitchen and came back with papers, pens, and a bowl for them to toss them into after.

Andrew grabbed a slip of paper and wrote one word on his.

Neil had helped fix the tradition. Neil was something more than Andrew had ever thought he would be able to have. Neil took things at Andrew's pace. Neil had shown up to Thanksgiving and used his stubbornness for Andrew instead of against him.

So Andrew wrote Neil's name.

* * *

 "Andrew," Bee read as she pulled Neil's slip from the bowl.

Neil's paper only said one word on it to represent the plethora of things that he was thankful for in these last few weeks. Andrew was the reason he had all of them. Andrew was the greatest thing he had and the reason for all of the other things he was grateful for.

She read a few more sappy ones about friends and family and husbands and wives and then she pulled out one that said, "Abby's pie."

Neil was certain that must have been Andrew's. He wasn't surprised. He had never really believed that Andrew would write something real on his. Andrew liked Abby's pies and that was a safe answer, so he had written it.

A few pieces of paper went by. A few of them mentioned Andrew being back at Thanksgiving. Andrew didn't react when Bee read them.

When she took the final piece of paper from the bowl, Bee read, "Neil."

Neil was sure that the paper must have been Nicky's and he was thankful that Andrew had found someone and that Neil was bringing Andrew back to them a little bit more.

It was nice to be appreciated anyway, even if the guilt that accompanied it was like a knife in his chest.


	13. Chapter 13

Andrew couldn't care less about most aspects of the wedding. They had to have one to convince anyone that they were really, truly together and married and in love so that Neil could stay in the country. They couldn't just go sign a paper to be legally married without there being a problem which meant they had to go through the whole public charade.

Andrew left Nicky in charge of most of the wedding because he knew that Nicky cared more about the wedding than he did and he would set the wedding up to be more convincing because he believed it was a real wedding and was disgustingly excited about it. Even when Nicky called in Allison, Andrew had let them handle it, although he could not stand Allison Reynolds. There was only one detail that Andrew hadn't left Nicky in charge of. The suits.

Neil had absolutely zero fashion sense. On most days, that was a good thing that kept Andrew from falling off the precipice he was tiptoeing on around him. But if he was going to get married to Neil in front of everyone he knew and the few people he cared about and if they were going to have to document this wedding, Andrew was going to make sure that Neil looked presentable for one day in his life. So he had picked out Neil's suit for him and told Nicky to try it on him and make sure that it would fit properly.

Andrew was supposed to be trying on his own suit and making sure that it had been altered to fit right. He was running early, but he just wanted to get this over with and maybe he wanted to make sure that Nicky had followed his instructions, so he showed up early knowing that Neil was trying on his own suit first.

He knew that there was the possibility that he would walk in to see Neil in his suit, but that didn't prepare him for the actual sight.

Andrew had just wanted Neil to look decent for once. He hadn't meant to render himself speechless with Neil's appearance. Andrew had known that Neil was attractive, but he hadn't realized just how attractive he could be, dressed up nice and out of the too big clothes he always wore. Suddenly, Andrew's mouth had gone dry.

Nicky sounded horrified when he noticed that Andrew was early as he scolded, "It's bad enough you picked out his suit. You could at least not see him in it before the wedding. It's bad luck."

It took a moment for Nicky's words to really register because Neil was staring at him with those blue blue eyes and he was all that Andrew could look at.

It took Andrew several seconds to tear his eyes off of Neil and, although it fit with their act, Andrew felt uncomfortable that Neil had caught him staring like this, especially in front of Nicky. It was one thing to have Nicky know about fake feelings. It was another thing for Nicky to observe his genuine attraction to Neil.

"That's the only luck I have," Andrew retorted finally and he was relieved when his voice came out even and steady. Maybe, he did have a little tiny bit of good luck after all.

"I can't believe you're talking about how unlucky you are while your fiancé is standing right in front of you in his wedding suit," Nicky insisted. "Don't you think you're lucky to have him?"

Andrew said nothing. He didn't really have Neil and it felt more like a curse than luck to have him like this and fear getting any closer, but be stuck living with temptation every day.

"You picked my suit?" Neil asked because _of course_ he just had to hold onto the one detail Andrew most wanted him to ignore.

Neil was painfully observant and it made Andrew's skin crawl. He didn't want to know what else Neil had noticed about him. He didn't want to know if Neil saw through his aloof attitude about their whole messed up whatever it was more than he let on.

"I had to," Andrew said. "I didn't trust you to not pick out an ugly used suit three sizes too big and full of holes."

"You are such a dick," Neil accused.

"And yet you're marrying me," Andrew said unsympathetically.

* * *

 Neil looked sick when he followed Andrew downstairs, probably expecting to find the kitchen bustling with Andrew’s family and, instead, they only found Aaron sitting at the kitchen table with the investigator on Neil’s case and a serious look on his face.

“So, you’re going to get deported unless you marry an American,” Aaron accused as he stared right at Neil. “Good thing you’re marrying my brother who has never looked at anyone before and gave us all speeches about how stupid we were to want to get married. That sure is awfully convenient.”

Neil’s jaw clenched and Andrew hoped that whatever outburst Neil was about to have would make their act more convincing, not less.

“Please,” the investigator said. “Have a seat.”

Andrew bristled at the man’s word choice, but he didn’t let it show as he sat down and thankfully Neil found it in himself to move his legs to sit down beside him.

“Is there anything I should know before I find out myself and consequences are worse for you both?” The investigator asked.

“No,” Andrew said immediately.

Neil looked like he was struggling to keep his mouth shut. For someone who lying came so naturally to, now was a hell of a time to start hesitating.

It looked like Andrew was going to have to do the talking to keep Neil from doing something incredibly stupid and making Andrew break his promise in the progress.

“We’re getting married and starting a life together where we don’t have to hide it anymore,” Andrew said.

“Andrew, what are you doing?” Aaron asked. “You can go to jail if you’re lying for him. Tell the truth now and you won’t. Neil will get deported and you won’t have to go to jail. Take the out. No one is making you go through with whatever this is.”

Andrew wanted to snap at Neil for turning to look at him at that. He was no help.

“I do not need an out and I won’t go to jail,” Andrew said. “I am marrying Neil and nothing is going to stop me.”

“Andrew-” Aaron tried.

It just figured that Aaron had to be suspicious of them and of Andrew’s sudden desire to get married, even after all of Nicky’s pressure and boasting about how great the married life was. Andrew wouldn’t let him ruin this though. He did not need to be protected.

“My fiancé is not a liar,” Andrew said and it was the biggest lie he had ever told.

“And you, Neil,” the investigator said. “Is there anything you think I should know?”

There was a horrifying moment when Andrew was convinced Neil was going to say something incredibly stupid for a reason he couldn’t fathom.

“Nothing at all,” Neil said finally.

* * *

The moment the investigator was gone, Andrew went outside for a cigarette and Neil followed him.

“Andrew, you could go to prison,” Neil pointed out as Andrew lit up.

“I won’t,” Andrew told him.

“But you could,” Neil insisted.

“I do not care,” Andrew told him.

“How can you not care that you could go to prison?” Neil demanded.

“I made you a promise that I would marry you if you went through with your end of the deal,” Andrew said. “And I do not go back on my promises. You worry too much. Stop worrying and everything will be fine.”


	14. Chapter 14

At least Andrew wouldn't have to deal with a bachelor party, but he was less than thrilled that Nicky was going against his advice and throwing Neil a bachelor party, even though Andrew had told Nicky that Neil would not enjoy a single moment of it. Andrew was Neil's fiancé. Andrew had known Neil for more than a few weeks. Andrew should be the authority on whether Neil wanted a bachelor party or not, but Nicky had just told him not to be jealous and promised to bring Neil home safe and sound.

"Nicky is throwing you a bachelor party," Andrew warned Neil when he got him alone. "I told him that it was a bad idea, but he wanted to throw one for someone and he at least knew better than to throw one for me after the warning I gave him."

Neil looked startled and horrified. Clearly, he had not considered the possibility that he would have to sit through a bachelor party before that moment.

"You do not have to go," Andrew said. "You can pretend to be sick or just tell him no."

"No," Neil said. "I will go. I can make it through one night when Nicky went to all that trouble for me."

He said it like he was in awe and like the amount of effort Nicky put into it made it irrelevant that Nicky was putting effort into something that he knew Neil didn't want, supposedly for Neil's benefit.

"He just wants to throw a party," Andrew insisted.

"Still," Neil said. "He's throwing it for me. The least I could do is show up."

"Actually, the least you could do is not," Andrew said. "But do whatever you want. If you want an escape route out, call me and I will come get you."

Neil looked surprised and suspicious of the offer. Andrew didn't care. He just needed Neil to know that if things got uncomfortable and Neil needed an escape, he would get him out of the situation. Andrew wouldn't let his cousin keep Neil there and uncomfortable and take things too far.

* * *

 Neil thought that he could make it through the party. He thought that it would only be a few hours and he could act surprised and pretend a night of drinking and inappropriateness didn't exhaust him before it even began.

Nicky tried to coax him into drinking, but Neil refused and eventually Nicky gave up and insisted he would just have to drink twice as much to make up for Neil not drinking.

The attention was bad enough. The drinking he could ignore for the most part, but the venue was making him uncomfortable and Nicky kept threatening to buy Neil a lapdance like that was a gift and Neil felt like there wasn't enough air in the room, so he slipped off to the bathroom with a mumbled explanation and pulled out his phone to call Andrew the moment that he was away from the others.

Neil didn't want any attention from the other men. He missed Andrew. He would far rather go home to him to spend more time with him as whatever it was that they were.

He wondered when he started thinking of the Columbia house as a home when he had thought it was so strange when Nicky insisted that he would always be welcome there and that he was family and that his home should be Neil's home away from home.

Andrew picked up on the second ring. He didn't even wait for Neil to tell him that he wanted him to rescue him. Andrew just asked, "Where?"

Neil told him the name of the strip club.

"I'll be there in ten minutes," Andrew said and then the phone clicked as Andrew hung up on him.

Neil was worried that Nicky was going to realize he had been gone for too long and come to find him, so after a couple minutes he headed back out into the club and tried to stall for as long as he could. Minutes dragged out and felt like hours before Andrew finally showed up, but when he checked the time it had only been ten minutes.

"What are you doing here?" Nicky complained when he spotted Andrew. "This is Neil's bachelor party. No fiancés allowed."

Neil expected Andrew to make an embarrassing scene about how Neil didn't want to be there and called him for help from the bathroom.

Instead, Andrew shrugged and said, "I got bored and changed my mind about coming."

Nicky insisted, "You were supposed to have separate bachelor parties.

"I didn't see the point of that," Andrew said. "I got bored at home without Neil."

* * *

"Get up," Andrew said. "We're leaving."

"Leaving?" Nicky asked, "Why? You just got here. Neil still hasn't even gotten a lapdance yet."

"Good," Andrew said, "We're keeping it that way."

"This is a bachelor party," Nicky pointed out. "He's supposed to have fun."

"Exactly," Andrew said. "This place sucks. Let's go to Eden's."

Neil wasn't sure what Eden's was. He hoped it wasn't a different strip club. The name sounded like it had the potential to be. Neil was just relieved that Andrew wasn't letting Nicky buy him a lapdance.

"I'm good with Eden's," Kevin said.

"We can't leave quick enough," Aaron added.

He looked uncomfortable here and as much as he didn't really like him, Neil couldn't blame him. He didn't want to be here either and he was sure it was just as bad for Aaron here with his cousin and twin.

"Oooh, you've never been to Eden's. Have you?" Nicky asked as he turned his attention to Neil. "You're going to love it there."

Somehow, Neil doubted that was true. But going to whatever Eden's was would mean leaving this place behind, so Neil nodded his head in agreement.

"I'm driving," Andrew said as he headed toward the door. He didn't look back. He just assumed that they were all following him and they all did without hesitating.

"This is great," Nicky said. "Neil doesn't have to be designated driver at his own party anymore."

“I’m not drinking,” Neil said again.

* * *

Eden's turned out to be another club, but at least no one was taking their clothes off for money at this one. Apparently, they knew someone there because Nicky got them in easily and the guys working the door grinned at the sight of them. Neil was feeling more nervous about this bar now and he didn't like being separated from Andrew like this while Andrew parked the car.

It was weird how quickly he had grown to trust Andrew after years of being nervous around him. He hadn't just grown comfortable around him. He had grown dependent on him and that was terrifying, but it was also invigorating knowing that he could rely on Andrew. No one had made Andrew offer to save him from this bachelor party. No one had made Andrew follow through with it. But Andrew had kept his promise and had rescued Neil from the situation without even making him suffer for it and Neil had missed him in their time apart.

* * *

When Andrew came into the bar, they had already found a table upstairs. He walked over but didn't sit down yet.

"We're getting drinks," Andrew said and then he shot a look at Neil so he would know to follow.

Andrew worked his way toward Roland and the bar at first, but he veered off the path and headed for the hallway leading to the bathrooms instead. He stopped in the hallway. It was still loud here with the music thumping hard enough to shake the walls and floors but, for now, there wasn't anyone else there.

"Are you alright?" Andrew asked because he finally had Neil alone to check in with him.

"I'm fine," Neil said and Andrew studied his expression for a moment because he was sure Neil would say the same thing no matter whether he was or not.

Andrew thought he was getting pretty good at telling when Neil was lying though and this time seemed like he was telling the truth.

"I'm just not the kind of person for all this," Neil said. "I'd way rather have spent the night with you at home than there without you."

"Nicky threw this party for himself as much as he threw it for you," Andrew told him. "And do not say stupid things like that."

"It's not stupid if it's true," Neil said. "And I don't know what we are, but the only person I want to touch me is you."

Neil was saying all the right things and that made Andrew hate him a little bit more because Neil was a thing he could quite easily lose and that was terrifying after years of putting up his defences and making sure that he didn't let anyone get close enough to hurt him.

"I hate you," Andrew said, but then he took a step closer to Neil and asked, "Yes or no?"

"Yes," Neil said and there was an eagerness to his tone that Andrew didn't want to think about at that moment.

Andrew grabbed Neil's chin in his hand and angled it so that Neil's face was at the angle he wanted it.

He brushed his lips over Neil's and then pulled away again and Neil let out a practically whining noise under his breath at the loss of contact. It was utterly pathetic.

"Remember. Only my hair."

"I know," Neil said and then he was silent again, waiting for Andrew to kiss him again.

There was still no one around and maybe Andrew had missed Neil too as he sat bored at home and wondered if he was alright and what was going on at the bachelor party. So Andrew kissed him again, more urgently this time.

This hallway wouldn't stay empty for long and Neil didn't want to leave the party yet so soon they were actually going to have to get the drinks. But for now, Andrew was going to take advantage of the little bit of time he had alone with Neil.

* * *

When they went to get the drinks, it was Roland who served them. Andrew ordered drinks for the table and Neil waited with him, feeling much more relaxed than he had at the strip club. Maybe, he was in a bar he didn't want to be at, but at least he had Andrew now.

"I can't believe I'm missing your bachelor party," Roland said as he poured the drink.

"Actually, it's Neil's bachelor party," Andrew said.

"Still, I'm missing out," Roland insisted. "I'll come over during my break later."

"May as well," Andrew said. "You're paying for the drinks."

"I'm not paying," Roland countered. "I'm just not charging."

When they went back to the table, Neil was relieved Aaron wasn't watching him so closely anymore.

At the strip club, he had been watching Neil like he had been looking for any sign that Neil wasn't really in love with Andrew or that he would be unfaithful to him. Aaron hadn't wanted him there, but Neil hadn't wanted to be there either. It was a relief that Andrew was the one in charge of keeping an eye on him now.

Maybe, Eden's was too loud and the others were drinking too much, but at the end of the night, Neil would get to go home with Andrew and that was all that mattered.

* * *

“You can’t sleep in the same room,” Nicky told them. “It’s bad luck and I’m not letting you give yourself any more of it whether you believe in it or not because _I_ do. You can handle keeping your hands off of each other for one night before the big day. Neil, you can sleep in Aaron’s old room.”

Neil didn’t look thrilled, but Andrew knew it didn’t matter. Nicky was determined.

He watched as Nicky dragged Neil down the hallway to Aaron’s old room.

“And don’t even think about trying to sneak back into the same room,” Nicky warned. “This house is old and this hallway is way too creaky for it to work. Now say good night.”

“Good night, Neil,” Andrew said as he let Nicky drag Neil off without interfering.

Neil didn’t argue either. That wasn’t like him. Andrew had thought he’d give him the finger or argue that he refused to sleep in any room that used to be Aaron’s. Instead, he just followed Nicky, never taking his eyes off of Andrew.

“Good night, Andrew,” Neil said.

There was a weird emphasis to his voice. Andrew didn’t think too much into it. Neil made too big of a deal out of all kinds of things. He put a weird weight on everything. They were going to see each other the next morning. There was no reason for Neil to have that much weight in his goodbye.


	15. Chapter 15

The next morning, when Andrew went to break the rule and see Neil, there was a note sitting on the bed that Neil should have been in. Andrew picked it up with a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

_ Andrew, _

_ I know promises are important to you and that’s why I’m letting you out of yours. You kept your promise. I’m sorry I can’t keep mine. When I made this deal I couldn’t care less about you or your reasons to go along with this. I didn’t expect to care about you or your family. I forgot what it was like to have a family and I didn’t know that having someone could be like this. I didn’t think being with you would be like this. I didn’t expect to feel lucky to be marrying you. I didn’t expect to want to be a part of your family or for them to let me be. I can’t do this to them or you. You could go to jail for me if this goes wrong and I know you don’t care, but I do. I love you and that’s why I can’t marry you. I’m going to go tell the agent on my case the truth and I’m going back to London. Tell your family whatever you want and I hope Nicky gives you a break. You deserve to be happy, not trapped in my lie. I’m sorry. _

_ Thank you. You were amazing. _

_ \- Neil _

Andrew felt sick. This was not the way that he wanted to find out Neil loved him. He wasn’t even sure that he wanted to know Neil was in love with him. But now the absolute idiot just had to go play the martyr and make this decision without him and now he was taking himself out of Andrew’s life altogether and Andrew was furious.

He tried calling Neil’s phone but, of course, it was off like always. He hung up and dialed again anyway as he stormed down the stairs.

“Andrew?” Nicky asked, but Andrew had no time and no desire to stop and explain any of this to him.

Andrew slammed the door shut behind him and hoped that he wouldn’t be too late.

* * *

Neil already missed Andrew.

Walking away from him was the hardest thing he had ever done. Every part of him was screaming for him to go back and hold onto what they had, but he couldn’t.

He couldn’t do that to Andrew. He couldn’t marry Andrew and put him at risk because he had feelings for him beyond what they had agreed to. He wouldn’t let Andrew throw his life away for a promise. Neil had thought that he would do anything to stay in the country. That had been the most important thing to him before, but now there was one thing more important than anything he’d known before and he was lucky that he had gotten to feel that way, even if it only was for a short amount of time.

The waiting was the worst. He’d turned his phone off because he didn’t want to deal with any phone calls. He just wanted to get this over with. He couldn’t sit here and wait for much longer with his thoughts seeping in. He didn’t want to think about what would happen to him back in London. He didn’t want to think about Andrew finding the note. Or about him having to tell everyone that the wedding was off. Neil didn’t want to think at all.

He should have already been gone, but his flight got delayed. He wished he could sleep. He itched to go outside and light up a cigarette just to watch it burn, but he didn’t want to miss his flight and cigarettes reminded him of Andrew now too, not just of his mother. He didn’t need any more reminders of what he was walking away from.

Neil was watching the board and he didn’t notice Andrew when he approached. He didn’t know that he was there until suddenly someone grabbed the back of his neck from behind. For one terrible moment, Neil thought his father had caught up to him again, but that was impossible. His father was dead.

“You idiot,” Andrew snarled out and Neil felt relieved and a surge of pain all at the same time at that familiar voice.

Neil was supposed to be gone before Andrew found the note, but his stupid flight just had to have been delayed and Andrew just had to have woken up early and found the note then, instead of just assuming that he was only missing because he had gone for his regular morning run.

Part of Neil was relieved that Andrew was there.

"I hate you," Andrew said.

"Good thing you're going to be rid of me soon I guess," Neil said.

Andrew gritted his teeth together and warned, "You are not funny. Do not pretend to be."

Neil wondered what Andrew could possibly be so angry about as he insisted, "I'm letting you off the hook."

"What makes you so convinced that I want to be let off of the hook?" Andrew asked and Neil was surprised.

"I can't let this come crashing down for you. I've been selfish for years, just looking out for myself and not caring who that hurts," Neil said. "I can't let you get hurt because I can't make myself walk away and we made a deal that is not fair for you."

"I made the terms of the deal," Andrew pointed out. "I do not want out of it. If you want out of the deal and want to walk away, then say it. You do not get to walk away from me and say that it is for the best for me because it is not."

"What do you want me to do?" Neil asked. "I love you. I wasn't supposed to, but I love you."

Andrew's jaw clenched and Neil could tell that he was resisting the urge to tell him to shut up. That restraint surprised Neil and, for the first time, he really considered that his feelings might not be as one-sided as he had thought.

"I don't want to ruin your life," Neil said. "Maybe, you don't want to get married to someone else now. But you might. You might want to be with someone else. I can't marry you and keep you to myself and risk you going to jail if you do not feel the same and don't want to marry me."

"You really are an idiot," Andrew said. "I am here asking you to stay. All you have to do is say yes and you can stay in the country and we don't have to throw this away. Tell me you want to stay and I won't let anything take you away."

Neil was taken aback by the intensity in Andrew's words. Andrew didn't say that he loved him and that didn't surprise Neil at all, but this felt like more than if Andrew had told him he loved him. Andrew was fighting to keep him there and he wouldn't let anyone take him away if he just said yes. Neil didn't need Andrew to tell him he loved him now. Knowing he felt the same was enough. It felt like Andrew was proposing to him again, but this time for real. Andrew really felt enough for him that he wanted to marry him so that they could figure out what they were together.

He didn't want Andrew an ocean away either.

"I want to stay with you," Neil said. "Yes."

Andrew nodded and told him, "Okay then. We're going home."

Neil blanched now. He asked, "How am I going to face your family after running away the day of our wedding?"

"They don't know," Andrew said. "They don't have to know. It can be our secret."

Neil wanted to kiss Andrew right then and there. The only thing that stopped him was that Andrew wouldn't be comfortable with that.

Neil felt so grateful and he was happy to get to go home with Andrew and he was in awe that Andrew was calling it his home too.

Andrew grabbed onto Neil's wrist and held onto it just barely loose enough to not hurt as he led Neil out of the airport. Neil let him. He was glad that Andrew wanted to keep a hold of him.

When they got to the car, before Andrew started it, he warned, "Do not ever say sorry to me again or so help me I will divorce you and kick you out of the country myself."

"I won't," Neil promised.

* * *

Andrew thought that things would be okay.

Neil was staying and he hadn't had to tell him that it was real for him too. Neil had figured that out on his own and that was a terrifying relief. Andrew asking Neil to stay had been just for them.

It was one thing to have his family believe that they were in love and to know that they were getting married when that was a lie. It was a whole other thing for Andrew to have developed real feelings for Neil against his better judgment and for anyone to find out that he'd chased Neil down at the airport to stop him from making decisions for them both and disappearing from his life forever.

Andrew hadn't told any of his family where he was going before he left. He hadn't told any of them that Neil had run away. Nicky was probably going to be beyond obnoxious all day, even worse than usual now that it was their wedding day. At least Andrew wouldn't have to deal with them knowing about the wedding nearly being called off. Or so he thought until they walked back into the house and found his family on the couch.

Aaron looked furious. Nicky looked like he was about to cry. He was holding the note Andrew had left upstairs when he had stormed out. Kevin and Erik were sitting there too.

Andrew wanted to leave and make Neil deal with this on his own, but who knew what they would tell Neil or he would tell them. It was safer and worse to deal with this head-on.


	16. Chapter 16

Neil felt a sick feeling in his stomach when they walked back into the living room and he saw the note he had left for Andrew in Nicky's hands. No one else had been supposed to see that note. Whether Andrew's family found out about its contents wasn't supposed to matter, but that was before Andrew had stopped him.

Now, they knew about the lies and he had confirmed the engagement had started off as a sham and now Aaron was probably going to tell the agent on Neil's case and it wouldn't matter that Andrew wanted to be with him for real because Neil would still be deported. Andrew's family would probably never forgive him and for some reason that mattered to Neil now. Neil wanted to tell them that he was sorry, but he had just promised Andrew he wouldn't use that word in front of him ever again.

"Why were you in my room?" Andrew asked with accusation in his tone.

"You stormed out of here so fast," Nicky said. "I thought you two were fighting. It's your wedding day. I wanted to check on Neil and make sure things were okay. And then Neil wasn't there and there was a note and I had to find out what it said."

Andrew clenched his jaw.

Aaron glared at Neil and accused, "I asked you if you were using Andrew to stay in the country and you lied to me."

Andrew interrupted, "You asked me and I lied too."

Aaron insisted, "I know. I'm mad at you too, but he is worse. He is the one that used you. Why should any of us trust him now?"

"Because I do," Andrew said and Neil was stunned by the firmness in his voice. That was a fact to Andrew, but Neil knew that trust did not come easy for Andrew.

"That just means it would be easier for him to lie to you," Aaron countered.

"Because I'm going to tell you all the whole truth," Neil said.

Andrew looked at him surprised. Neil was surprised by his own words. Neil wasn't exactly best known for holding his words in, but he usually slipped up in anger and just made himself noticed more, rather than actually telling his life story.

It was Neil's instinct not to tell anyone anything and even though he had already told Andrew, Andrew’s family was completely different. Neil didn't know how they would react. But they could already blow this and get Neil deported when he really did love Andrew and then he would be sent back to the Hatfords and it wouldn't matter anyway. Maybe they didn't have any reason to trust him and maybe he wasn't at all convinced that he could trust them, but this was his only chance and he owed them an explanation after everything he had put them and Andrew through for this.

"I wasn't born Neil Josten," Neil said. "I was born Nathaniel Wesninski. My father was a serial killer and my mother was a part of the Hatford crime family. I didn't stand any chance at a future. My father was going to kill me so I ran with my mother and his men still managed to kill her. He died trying to kill me, but his men are still out there and I don't know know what they would do if they found me. I know it would not be good though.”

They all looked stunned into silence. They clearly had not thought that Neil's story of why he couldn't afford to be deported was going to be so dramatic and involve so much crime beyond fraud.

“My father is dead now, but the Hatfords don't like letting one of their own go and that's what I am to them. I ran away from a life with them or learning to be my father and away from getting killed by either of them. I've been Neil Josten longer than anything but Nathaniel Wesninski," Neil said. "I can't go back to being him again. I can't let the Hatfords sink their claws in me and tell me I owe them for taking care of my father. I put a lot of work into staying Neil Josten and having a real life. I was desperate for anything to get to stay in the country and not have to go back to the life I left behind. And then Andrew offered to marry me to keep me in the country."

"Andrew? Offered to get married?" Nicky questioned. "Just like that?"

"He needed to stay in the country and you already thought we were engaged," Andrew said and Nicky only looked more confused by the end of that answer.

"I was supposed to convince you all that we were something real and he'd really marry me," Neil said. "The hardest part was supposed to be passing the investigation. I thought it would be safe because Andrew wouldn't feel anything for me and I wouldn't feel anything for him. But that's not what happened. I know all of this has just been another big lie I let myself live, but all of this was incredible. You all took me in. I forgot what it was like to have a family. I never really had one. And Andrew-"

Andrew glared at him in warning.

"He's incredible too," Neil said. "And he shouldn't have to give up a shot at something real later to keep me in the country and he shouldn't risk going to jail for my lies. That's why I tried to run, but Andrew stopped me and I won't hurt him by walking away without a fight. I was alive before but I wasn't really living and maybe it was all fake and maybe it only lasted a few weeks and maybe now I'm going to have to go back to London now that you all know, but it was all worth it. If I had the choice to go back and do it all over again and get deported or get to stay in the country and never have this, I'd do it all over again. You have no reason to trust me and you never have. But you've treated me like family and I don't let myself get close to anyone or have anybody in my life, but I want to have all of you in my life. If you'll still let me."

He meant it, even about Aaron. They didn't get along, but Aaron didn't trust him because he was protecting Andrew. And more importantly, Neil might not be able to stand Aaron and his wife, but Aaron was Andrew's brother and that was important to Andrew so Neil wanted to marry Andrew and keep Aaron in his life so that Andrew would stop making excuses to dodge his family because he couldn't admit how he felt about them or that he wanted to spend more time with them and felt ignored when they were all with their spouses.

Neil expected them to want nothing to do with him, despite his argument. Aaron had been suspicious of Neil from the start and Nicky had been so happy at the idea of Andrew having some fairy tale husband and had welcomed him so much and put up with so many lies, but now he looked utterly disappointed. Kevin's brow was furrowed like he was thinking too hard on this and trying to fit the truth into what he had known of Neil for years.

"Okay," Nicky said and, for a moment, Neil was certain he must have heard him wrong.

"Okay?" Neil asked. His voice didn't come out right.

"Okay," Nicky repeated. "You love Andrew and he loves you and you're telling the truth now. You put his future ahead of your shot at having any at all. It doesn't matter how you got here. You're one of us and you two care about each other and those weren't lies. There's no way we're sending you away so that you can get roped back into your crime family or end up dead and Andrew can be heartbroken on his wedding day. You stay. We won't say anything."

Neil was overwhelmed by how easy of a decision it was for Nicky after he had come clean about  _ everything _ . Nicky was being way too nice about everything and he found himself wanting to live up to the image of him that Nicky had in his head.

Kevin nodded his agreement and said, "You both want you to stay, so you stay. The investigator doesn't have to know anything."

Neil had been lying to Kevin for far longer, but Kevin didn't seem to struggle with the choice either and Neil wondered what he had done to earn their trust like this. He had been committing fraud and lying to them all and they both so willing to let that go without a fight. Neil doubted that Aaron would agree. He was certain he was about to get yelled at as he turned his attention on him.

"Aaron," Andrew said with an edge to his tone as if he was surprised that Aaron hadn't already agreed and as if he was actually concerned about how Aaron would react.

Aaron's gaze flickered over to Andrew and then back over to Neil again.

"You sure as hell better not be lying now because if I find out you're still just using him to get to stay in the country or if you use your extra time in the country to hurt him in any way, I will find a way to get a hold of the Hatfords and tell them your whereabouts myself," Aaron threatened. "The last person I caught hurting him ended up with his skull bashed in."

"If he tried to hurt me, I would get rid of him before you could," Andrew insisted.

"If I hurt him, I'll hand myself over," Neil insisted.

Aaron stared him down for a few moments longer and then gave in, "Fine. I won't tell the investigator."

Apparently, Andrew was satisfied with the answer because he wandered toward the door and asked, "What's for breakfast?"


	17. Chapter 17

"You better not be getting cold feet," Kevin warned. "Even consider running after all the work we put into this wedding and I will make your life miserable."

"Don't you already make my life miserable?" Neil questioned. "And it's my wedding. I'm supposed to be the one freaking out about whether things are going to be perfect or not. Not you."

"Yeah, but neither of you has been worried at all about any aspects of that and you're stressing me out," Kevin insisted.

"I'm not going to run," Neil said and it was the most confident he had ever felt about that statement.

Neil was used to running and having an impulse in the back of his head telling him he needed to be ready to bolt at any moment. Right now, that voice was silent. He did not want to run. The worst part of waiting for the wedding ceremony to start wasn't staying in one place for too long. He wasn't anxious about settling down and rooting himself there and attaching himself to this family for good. The worst part of the waiting was not being able to see Andrew.

At least he had seen him earlier that morning when Andrew had tracked him down at the airport and when they had come back and they hadn't been separated for the whole day of the wedding along with the night before like Nicky had wanted. Still, Neil wasn't considering leaving and he wasn't afraid that Andrew would either. He just hated waiting apart for so long.

"What time is it?" Neil asked.

"One minute since the last time you asked," Erik told him as he glanced down at his phone. Erik had been texting back and forth with Nicky the whole time and not sharing any information about what was going on where Andrew was waiting which did not seem at all fair to Neil.

Erik looked amused by the question. Kevin looked relieved that they still had time, although they were all completely dressed and ready to go and just waiting and waiting and waiting.

Neil had left his phone in the clothes he had changed out of and when he tried to leave the room to go get them, Kevin said, "I don't think so. You are not going to go see Andrew and doom this wedding."

"I'm just getting my phone," Neil insisted.

Kevin gave him a doubtful look. "Yeah right. What are you really going to do?"

"I'm really going to get my phone," Neil insisted and he hated that Kevin knew him well enough to know that him missing his phone was completely uncharacteristic. He wondered if he had texted back quicker and more times during his time living at Andrew's apartment if Kevin would have believed him or if he would have known anyway from Andrew's insistence and from when Neil hadn’t answered a single text from his team the entire time he was in university.

"You are a terrible liar," Kevin insisted. "It is incredible we didn't find out about any of your lies sooner."

"Really," Neil insisted in an irritated tone. "I just want my phone. You can even go get it for me."

"And let you slip off while I'm gone?" Kevin asked. "I don't think so."

"Erik can watch me," Neil insisted.

Kevin glanced over at Erik, who was still texting Nicky.

"I don't think so," Kevin said. "I'm not letting you out of my sight. Erik can get it."

Neil nearly let out a sigh of relief when Erik nodded and asked, "Where is it?"

* * *

"Nicky, move," Andrew insisted.

"Uh uh," Nicky told him. "You can be all scary and get me to let you do whatever you want any other day but not today."

"It's my wedding day," Andrew pointed out. "If anything, you should listen to me more."

"You already saw Neil in his suit before the wedding," Nicky insisted. "You already saw him this morning when you weren't supposed to. You're not going to go see him in his suit right before the wedding. I'm not letting you throw away all of your luck."

"I don't believe in luck," Andrew grunted out.

"You can wait," Nicky insisted.

He was being more stubborn than usual and that irritated Andrew to no end. Aaron was absolutely no help. He was just sitting there staring at the clock, waiting for the ceremony to begin.

"Bee," Andrew said because he was sure that she would be on his side and wouldn't betray him on his own wedding day.

"You can wait," Bee said. "You'll have all day together after this and you have your whole lives together in front of you."

Andrew sat back down and pulled out his carton of cigarettes to light up in there.

"If none of you will let me go outside to smoke, then you're just going to have to live with the secondhand smoke," he grumbled like any of them cared. Kevin was the one that complained about the smell and the smoke.

He took a drag of his cigarette and then his phone buzzed in his pocket and he wondered who it could possibly be from. He doubted he cared. If it was work, it could wait. If it was Kevin with some last minute wedding freak out, he definitely was not going to answer. There was a chance that it could be Renee, but he doubted it would be important. He checked his phone anyway and then he was glad he had.

_ Kevin is freaking out over the fact that I'm not freaking out and I can't stand waiting in this room with him any longer. _

Andrew was well aware of the three sets of eyes on him, but he ignored them as he typed out a response.

_ Wow. I didn't know you knew how to turn your phone on. _

_ I wouldn't have to use it if Kevin didn't have me on lockdown. He barely let Erik go get it. _

_ Nicky is convinced that if he lets me leave this room I'm going to run off to see you and curse our marriage. _

_ Are you? _

_ Maybe. _

* * *

_ _ Neil went out first to greet the guests, even though nearly all of them were there for Andrew. But Nicky had insisted that someone was giving someone away at this wedding or so help him. Neil had no one to give him away. Andrew had refused to let Nicky give him away, but he'd let Bee take over the role. So Andrew was still inside with Nicky and Aaron and Bee and it was Neil's job to greet the small group of guests that Andrew had deemed worthy of inviting.

Neil had been dreading this part before the day of the wedding. He had thought it would be a miserable time greeting guests and thanking them for coming and having all of the attention on him. He had thought a large part of the reason Andrew had decided to let Bee give him away was so that he wouldn't have to greet the guests and put up with them all as they showed up and took their seats. Now, he was almost glad that he got to go outside and greet them instead of being cooped up inside waiting for the ceremony to start.

For the first time in his life, Neil wished he had his phone on him. Kevin had taken it out of his hand and made him leave it behind when it was time to greet guests. Kevin was doing a perfectly good job of greeting the guests on his own, so Neil didn't really think that he was needed, but most had something to say to him so he awkwardly bore it and let Kevin take over.

Thea was the first there. She and Kevin shared their punctuality apparently. She congratulated Neil in few words before taking her seat and Neil was relieved that she hadn't made a big thing and acted like they were closer than they were. He liked her, but he did not know her very well.

Wymack and Abby were attending together, but no one was sure if they were attending  _ together _ as Nicky had told Neil before when he was showing him the seating charts like they had invited enough people to require seating charts. Roland showed up with a date he didn't seem overly serious about. Renee came without a date and Neil still wasn't her biggest fan, but he didn't totally recoil when she hugged him and congratulated him with a knowing smile that Neil didn't totally understand. Neil brushed off Katelyn's congratulations as quickly as he could and was relieved when she didn't try to hug him.

Matt showed up with his wife and caught Neil in a bone-crushing hug, even though they definitely were not on a hugging level. Neil wasn't on a hugging level with anyone. Sure, he'd worked with Matt for three years, but he hadn't realized Matt thought of them as friends and he was surprised by how glad Matt seemed to be there. He was absolutely beaming like it was his wedding day.

"You're really marrying him, huh?" Matt said and Neil felt a surge of anger that died down some as Matt added, "I still don't really get it, but you seem happy and he's been less of a grinch since you two got together. I can't believe I'm saying it, but you two are good for each other. I'm happy for you. The married life is great. My wedding day is by far the best day I've had and yours is going to be your best day too."

When Matt finally pulled back and let Neil go, Matt gestured to the short woman beside him who was grinning at him even though he had never met her before.

"I'm Dan," she said.

Matt didn't let her finish talking before he cut in to add, "My beautiful wife."

"I've seen your picture on Matt's desk," Neil said because he had and he wasn't sure what else to say. "He talks about you a lot."

"He talks about you a lot too," Dan said.

That caught Neil by surprise, but she said it so casually Neil thought it must be true. He couldn't imagine why. Neil wasn't normally caught speechless, but he was now.

"Anyway, congratulations," Dan said. "And I hope we can talk more later."

Neil nodded his head and was surprised that the idea didn't sound absolutely horrible to him. He wanted to talk to her about the exy team she coached. He wanted to get to know her after all the stories Matt had told about her.

A few minutes after everyone else had already sat down, Allison finally came over and told Neil that they were starting and directed him over to his place in front of everyone to wait for Andrew.

Neil didn't exactly feel nervous. He was antsy. All the eyes on him barely registered as the music started playing. Part of him was aware that he was being watched closely and that he should be worried about that, but this time he didn't really have anything to be nervous about. He just wanted Andrew to show up already. He wanted to have Andrew there by his side to deal with this together.

The music was slow and it took a long time before Nicky and Erik appeared, walking far too slowly for Neil's preferences. Nicky kept talking to Erik as they came down the aisle together, but he stopped to hug Neil before he took his place when he got close enough. This time, Neil didn't even try to dodge his hug and Nicky squeezed him nearly as tight as Matt had like he thought Neil letting him hug him meant that Neil didn't need his vital organs intact anymore.

Erik gave Neil a beaming smile and nod before taking his place at his side.

Aaron and Kevin were next as the best men. Kevin was clearly setting the pace that they walked at and Aaron not entirely discreetly elbowed Kevin under the ribs, not too hard but just hard enough to warn Kevin not to drag him down the aisle anymore. Kevin eased up on the control just a little after that.

Aaron gave Neil a nod before he took his place beside Nicky. It wasn't much, but it felt like something. Aaron might still not like him, but he was alright with this happening and he hadn't had to give a nod. He could have just taken his place. Neil would have been annoyed if he had, but it would have made sense after all of the lies Aaron had found out about and after Andrew had refused to take Aaron and the investigator's out and had risked going to jail, all for Neil.

Kevin stuck his hand out, so Neil grabbed it and shook it. He thought that would be it. Kevin didn't seem like a hugger like Nicky was and, even if he had lived with Kevin for years and even if Kevin was the person here that Neil had known the longest and even if he had admitted to himself that they were friends, Neil did not expect Kevin to go for the hug so he half fell into it when Kevin tugged him by the hand and wrapped his other arm around him.

Neil didn't watch as Kevin took his spot between him and Erik. He was too busy watching for the first glimpse of Andrew. It felt like the song had been playing forever. The tempo seemed dreadfully slow compared to the erratic beating of Neil's heart as he caught sight of something.

He never should have let Nicky and Allison set up all these arches and decorations. They'd worked hard on them and they looked nice and all, but they were obstructing his view of Andrew so all he could see was the black of his suit and the yellow of Bee's dress.

Neil didn't get a full view of Andrew until he turned the corner and then he felt like all of the air had been knocked out of his lungs.

Even in her bright yellow dress, the sight of Bee barely registered to Neil. He only had eyes for Andrew.

Andrew looked breathtaking. He always dressed nicely and got annoyed by Neil's wardrobe, but this was something else with Andrew in his expensive suit that was flattering in ways that were utterly distracting. The sun behind Neil was shining on Andrew and making his hair and eyes shine like gold. Neil was certain that he was staring at Andrew with something beyond the normal way that Andrew told him to stop looking at him for, but he couldn't help it. Andrew was a sight to behold and he was all dressed up like this for him and suddenly the fact that they were going to get  _ married _ hit Neil like a ton of bricks.

Andrew glared down the aisle, maybe at the sun in his eyes but more likely at Neil for the grin he could feel pulling at his cheeks. Neil couldn't force the smile off of his face if he tried.

Neil had never really seen the value of weddings. He hadn't seen why they were so important. His parents had gotten married and their marriage was terrible. They had hated each other. His mother had feared his father and had regretted marrying him every day. She had still been married to him when they had run and she had still been married to him when she had bled out from a gunshot wound one of his father's men had given her.

Neil had grown up believing marriage was a sham. If being married was supposed to be so great, then why did his father hit his mother? Why did his mother have to run away with him to protect him? Marriage had always seemed like a miserable trap that Neil wanted no part of. It had never been an option for him or something that he had wanted, but here he was standing on the altar, waiting for Andrew to finish walking down the aisle so they could just get married already and they could start their lives together with no more secrets or lies.

Marriage was a promise that had gotten all twisted up by his parents, but that wouldn't happen to Neil and Andrew. They cared about each other. They loved each other. They wouldn't hurt each other or do something that was outside of the other's comfort level. Promises were important to Andrew which meant everything he promised, he was certain he would give to Neil. That also meant that Neil had spent a large portion of the morning thinking about all of the things he could promise to Andrew without any risk of going back on. Promises were important to Andrew and so was honesty and Neil was going to tell the truth and make vows that he was certain he would keep.

When they finally reached the end of the aisle, Bee hugged Andrew and then went to hug Neil as she gave Andrew away to him, but settled for a pat on his shoulder instead when he made no move to let her hug him.

Neil completely ignored it as everyone was seated and Renee talked about why they were gathered there. Neil knew she was just doing her job as officiant, but he knew why they were there. He just wanted to get on with it.

"The couple has decided to prepare their own vows," Renee said with a small smile tugging at her lips. "Andrew asked to go first."

That surprised Neil. He had been surprised enough that Andrew had decided they should write their own vows back when they had been trying to convince everyone of a lie about them being in love. Now, everyone knew that this wedding was real. Neil knew that Andrew's vows would be real too. And Andrew was still going to give them without hesitation. Neil was in awe that Andrew was really going to do this in front of an audience after he had looked. But then Andrew began to speak and his words came out in Russian. He didn't have any notes. He didn't need them. His vows were stored word for word in his head, even if they were in another language.

"Marry me and I won't let anyone take you away ever again without your permission. I don't believe in a guaranteed forever. I do not believe that either of us knows if we're still going to want this years from now. Things might change and we might want nothing to do with each other. But I won't let them take you away to another continent. I will do whatever it takes to keep whatever this is until the day you decide that you do not want it anymore. I won't let anyone hurt you on my watch and if they do hurt you, I will make sure they are incapable of doing it again. I hate exy and don't you dare tell Kevin I used a sports metaphor in my vows or so help me I will get rid of your stupid exy channels, but we are a team now and I won't let anyone tear us apart."

Neil felt like he was floating on a cloud. Andrew hadn't admitted he loved him. He hadn't promised forever. He hadn't made any guarantees about them being together or always feeling the same way. But he had made it clear that this was what he wanted and that they were something worth fighting for. His vows had been in Russian and just for him and Neil had never felt more in love with Andrew.

"What language was that?" Nicky hissed out when Andrew was done. "Was that Russian? Since when does Andrew know Russian? And did he say Kevin? Because I swear he brought up Kevin in his vows."

Aaron kicked Nicky in the foot and shot him a warning look for blurting out his questions in the middle of the wedding.

Nicky muttered out, "Like you're not wondering too."

Aaron glared at him and Nicky raised his hands in a sign of innocence to prove that he was done.

Neil wasn't sure just how much Russian Andrew had picked up. Maybe, he only knew the words in his vows. Maybe, he had checked out more and had them stored in his memory. He decided to test it out in case Andrew wanted Neil to say his own vows in Russian too.

"Can you understand it if I say them like this?" Neil asked.

Andrew's brow furrowed just barely and Neil could tell that he couldn't. He wasn't sure whether he should speak German so that only the cousins and Erik could understand or if he should speak in English. He settled on English because he knew Andrew didn't care for having German as a secret language with Erik there listening.

"I guess English will have to do then," Neil said because he still wanted to give Andrew the opportunity to protest.

He didn't. He just blinked back at Neil, waiting.

Neil hadn't brought notes with him either. He hadn't expected his brain to be so frazzled and jumbled on the spot. He knew what he wanted their futures to be like and he knew what he wanted to promise Andrew, but the words were slipping from his brain and he wanted to respond to what Andrew had said so he was going to wing it.

"Believe whatever you need to, but there is never going to be a day that I decide I don't want this anymore," Neil told him. "It will always be yes with you, whether you believe in forever or not. You're one of the most irritating people I have ever met but it is still yes with you, even when you're on my last nerve. That's not going to change. I thought that it would be easy not to fall for you and that I would be lucky if I was able to put up with you at all. I've never fallen before, but I fell in love with you. I promise you I'm never going to leave you or push you aside or change my mind or get impatient and push you. You will always have me. I am lucky for everything you give me and for every day that we get to spend together after this. You gave me friends and family and a life that was more than just not dying. I do not deserve you, but I promise I will try to every day."

Andrew's jaw clenched like he was warring with himself over that. Neil knew that Andrew tried to stop him from talking about his feelings and what they were most of the time, but this was their wedding and Neil needed Andrew to know in his vows that he was in this for the long haul, no matter what. He needed Andrew to know just how incredible he was. He didn't care if everyone knew what he was promising Andrew. He didn't care if everyone knew how gone for him he was. All he cared about was Andrew knowing.

Renee asked for the rings, but Andrew's eyes never left Neil's as Nicky handed them over.

"Neil, do you take Andrew to be your lawfully wedded husband, to live together in marriage?" Renee asked. "Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honour and keep him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, until death do you part?"

Neil was surprised that she had included until death do you part. Neil had been sure that Andrew would have asked her not to include it after his vows because Andrew refused to make promises he didn't know if he could keep. Neil was more than happy to agree to it anyway. He wasn't going to leave Andrew. He knew as much.

"I do," Neil said.

"Andrew, do you take Neil to be your lawfully wedded husband, to live together in marriage?" She asked. "Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honour and keep him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, until death do you part?"

Neil expected Andrew to hesitate or try to requalify it with for as long as they wanted to stay together, but he didn't.

"I do," Andrew agreed.

Neil's heart was hammering out of his chest. Maybe, Andrew had said earlier that he would keep this with Neil until the day that Neil decided he didn't want it anymore. But now he had just promised to love Neil and comfort him and keep him no matter what and Neil realized that this felt like forever to Andrew too. Andrew didn't want an out for himself and even if things ended, he would still love him. He had only been giving Neil an out before and Neil understood why but he knew that he would never ever take it.

"I now pronounce you husband and husband," Renee told them. "You may kiss the groom."

Neil didn't wait for Andrew to ask, he just nodded his head and told him, "Yes."

Andrew brought one hand to Neil's cheek and brushed his lips over Neil's. The kiss only lasted a moment. It wasn't long and passionate and urgent like most of their kisses. Those kisses were just for them. Andrew was not interested in public displays of affection, so it was a brief kiss but it still sent butterflies through Neil's stomach. They had the whole rest of their lives together. They didn't need to be urgent now. There would be plenty of time for deeper kisses later.

* * *

The hours after the wedding ceremony were a special kind of torture. Andrew was married to Neil. They'd gotten it all on video. There had been plenty of pictures taken there. They'd hired a professional photographer to capture the ceremony and reception. And yet for some unthinkable reason, the entire wedding party had spent three hours taking picture after picture after picture, anywhere and everywhere.

Neil said it would be more convincing when their wedding had started off supposed to be a sham. There certainly would be plenty of documentation, but Andrew wasn't certain that wouldn't seem more obvious. Still, if Neil was looking at him with that horrible look in all the pictures, maybe the pictures would be convincing after all. At the very least, Andrew would have some pictures of Neil well-dressed for once in his life.

Still, Andrew hadn't managed to get a moment alone with Neil after the wedding ceremony and now he hadn't been alone with him since he had dragged him home from the airport that morning and he was not feeling particularly patient. He didn't want to deal with the wedding reception. He was exhausted from this day already. He didn't want the focus on him longer. He didn't want everyone watching him and Neil. He didn't want them being everybody else's business. He wanted time away from the others with Neil.

But Nicky had put a lot of work into the wedding and they had to have a real wedding and much more importantly, Neil seemed to be into the whole wedding thing now. Sure, he'd complained about the thousands of photographs too and Neil probably wanted to get alone too, judging by the look on his face, but Andrew could tell that Neil would be disappointed if he missed out on the whole wedding experience. So Andrew was going to sit through the whole wedding experience. He could wait until later if it meant that Neil didn't have to keep missing out on things that he wanted and had thought he couldn't have before.

So instead of dragging Neil far far away from all of these watching eyes to somewhere they could stay alone forever, Andrew walked into the reception with Neil as Allison introduced Andrew and Neil Minyard-Josten for the first time.

Nicky had tried to talk Andrew into following the tradition of kissing whenever the guests clinked their glasses, but Andrew had refused. He would not kiss Neil on command to amuse other people. He would not let them pressure Neil into dropping everything to kiss him, whether Neil wanted to or not. He did not have to convince anyone anymore now that what they had was real and they were choosing each other for more reasons than just a deal, but Andrew had been refusing since long before his family had found out the truth about what was going on between them.

* * *

"What are you doing?" Nicky asked later when Andrew didn't get up the instant music started to play. "It's time for the first dance."

"I already told you that I am not doing that," Andrew said.

"Yeah. When your wedding was a sham, but now that it's real and you like each other, I thought it would be different and you would want to do this for him," Nicky said. "It's his wedding day. Are you really going to refuse to dance with him?"

Nicky sounded disappointed like he had actually thought there was a chance that Andrew would change his mind when they were at the wedding.

"I really am," Andrew insisted.

Neil's face fell just a little, but he tried to conceal it. It was too late though. Andrew had already seen it.

"Fine," Nicky said. "Then I'm dancing with him if you won't. He can't have his first dance as Neil Minyard-Josten on his own."

"Fine," Andrew said, but he couldn't shake that look on Neil's face.

* * *

Neil was a little disappointed that Andrew wouldn't dance with him, even though he had known before and he didn't really think that Nicky's pressure would convince him or help with anything. He tried not to let it show because he could still hardly believe that Andrew really wanted him and that his family really still wanted him around and that he was really married to Andrew because they had real feelings for each other.

Neil absolutely was not going to push Andrew past his comfort level. He did not need a whole big first dance thing when Andrew was already enduring the whole big production that was a wedding for him. Neil could still hardly believe that Andrew had kissed him in front of people.

Neil wasn't the best at concealing things from Andrew, but he tried not to let any disappointment show on his features as he let Nicky drag him off by the hand as Nicky insisted, "I'll dance with you instead."

Neil tried not to keep his eyes on Andrew too much as he let Nicky lead him.

"Andrew's not really a dancer," Nicky said as he spun Neil around dramatically. "I wouldn't take it personally."

"I don't," Neil said and it was true. He did not expect Andrew to dance and he couldn't be angry that he wasn't Andrew's one exception in this situation. Andrew had already dealt with more than enough public displays of affection today.

"That's okay because you get to dance with the best guy at this whole wedding," Nicky insisted. "Well, second best because of Erik. And I guess you probably rank Andrew higher. But still. You've got a pretty good dance partner."

Neil let Nicky chatter at him and try to cheer him up as they danced, but Neil didn't really need to be cheered up. Maybe, Andrew wasn't dancing with him, but this was still the greatest day that Neil had ever had. He had started it off thinking that he had to walk away from Andrew because he loved him and that he would be deported back to London and have to put up with the Hatfords all over again. Instead, he was married to the man he loved who cared enough about him to ask him to stay and to go through all of this. It was pretty difficult to be bummed out on a day like this.

* * *

When the song came to an end, it was time for the mother/son dance. Andrew had already told Nicky beforehand that Neil didn't have anyone for one and that he absolutely would not do one and would not dance it with Nicky.

But when Allison announced it anyway and Simple Man began to play, Bee came over and asked, "Andrew, could I have this dance?"

Andrew had never had a real mother. Tilda had given him up the moment he was born and took him back far too late because Luther had made her. She was horrible to Aaron and wasn't a mother to either of them.

Andrew had used to want a mother though. After Tilda had given him up, for a while he was still stupid enough to think that maybe if he went through enough bad foster homes, he would find a mother who would want him. He had wanted Cass to be that mother and he had nearly killed himself trying to make that happen, only to realize that she hadn't really cared about him as much as he had let her convince him she had.

After Cass, Andrew had given up entirely on finding a mother to love him. He hadn't found one until he was an adult. He hadn't meant to let Bee in so much, but she had a way about her and he couldn't help it. She knew he wasn't perfect, but she didn't discount him either. She was realistic about him and heard him out, but didn't take any crap from him. She was the mother he had always imagined for himself, even though she wasn't his mother.

Andrew wouldn't let it show, but it meant something major to him that Bee was asking him for this dance, so he accepted the hand she reached out toward him and said, "Okay."

* * *

Neil didn't have quite as easy of a time not reacting when Andrew got up and slow-danced with Bee. He knew that it was a different situation. He knew that if Andrew danced with him, he would be being watched for different reasons and the touch would be more overwhelming because it would have more potential to lead elsewhere. Still, he couldn't help but be a little jealous that Bee got to dance with Andrew at their wedding and he didn't.

"Come on, Neil," Nicky said, already trying to drag Neil back out onto the dancefloor.

"I'm fine," Neil said because that's what he always said and because he would be.

"You don't have anyone to dance with," Nicky pointed out. "Andrew would kick my ass if I let you sit here for the parent/son dance. Part of the reason he didn't want to do one was because he knew you didn't have anyone."

Neil was surprised by that information. He was surprised that Andrew had cared enough to admit that to Nicky.

"You're not my father," Neil grumbled.

"No and we're both lucky for that," Nicky insisted as Neil let him drag him back out onto the dancefloor.

* * *

Andrew sat back down after his dance with Bee. He watched as Neil danced with nearly everyone else at the wedding. Nicky, Matt, Erik, Dan, Allison, Roland, Thea, Renee and even Kevin all took turns with him. Andrew was surprised that Neil and Renee seemed to be talking as they danced. He knew that Neil still did not understand what he liked about her so much, but it was nice that they were at least on slightly more civil terms. Andrew was convinced that Neil would like Renee and they would get along if he could just get past her exterior and his first impression of her.

Katelyn even managed to steal a dance, although Neil did not look thrilled about it. He left the dancefloor right after, probably so he could avoid getting roped into another. Neil must have been trying hard not to get angry and throw a fit at their wedding since he had let Katelyn dance with him and had let her chatter at him while he ignored her and watched Andrew.

When Neil came over, Andrew got out of his seat and said, "I need a cigarette."

He probably did not need to offer an explanation. Neil was already following him anyway.

Andrew really could use a cigarette after all of this. He was planning on having one on the way back, but not yet. Everyone was outside where Allison and Nicky and Kevin had set up the reception in the yard which meant that the house was empty. It probably wouldn't stay that way for long before someone would inevitably come looking for them, but Andrew didn't need long.

If Neil wondered why they were going inside instead of staying outside the tent to go for a smoke, he didn't let it show. He just followed Andrew until Andrew stopped suddenly in the hallway where there were no windows and pushed Neil back against the wall.

"Yes or no?" He asked because he knew it was only a matter of time until Nicky would realize they were gone and they didn't have time to kill. Andrew had been wanting to give him a real kiss all day.

"Yes," Neil said. "Always y-"

But Andrew didn't let him finish. He had his yes and he was going to use it. This time when his lips met Neil's, Andrew wasn't holding back at all. He had been hungry for Neil all day and he knew they couldn't go very far with everyone outside expecting them to be there too. But at the very least they could do some real kissing.

Andrew groaned as his head tipped back when Neil pulled on his hair.

"Too hard?" Neil asked.

"No," Andrew said. "It's fine."

He sounded out of breath to his own ears and his gut instinct was to feel horrified that Neil had done this to him and he could almost certainly tell the effect he had on him. But then Neil's mouth was on his neck and Andrew didn't have room to worry about anything or to think clearly about anything.

He let out another groan, but this one was closer to a moan than a sound of grievance. He could feel Neil's lips quirk up against the flesh. It figured that Neil had figured out that he liked this last time so he was trying it again. It was incredible and nerve-wracking that even with the limits he had set, Neil knew his likes and dislikes and acted on them.

"No marks," Andrew warned. "I'm already wearing your ring. You don't need to get more possessive with your neck fetish."

Neil didn't surface for air, but he hummed in what sounded like it might be agreement and Andrew was startled by how much he trusted Neil to listen, although he had gotten no clear confirmation that Neil had agreed to his request.

Andrew shivered as Neil ran his tongue over the nape of his neck and then bit down, too lightly to leave a mark but hard enough to get a reaction out of him.

Andrew reached under Neil's chin to pull him away from his neck and tip his head back.

Neil looked confused for a moment and he started to ask, "Did I-"

"No," Andrew cut him off. "You didn't do anything wrong."

Andrew had never hated Neil more than he did at the smug look Neil got when Andrew accidentally admitted he wasn't as opposed to Neil's thing for his neck as he claimed. He had just wanted Neil to know he hadn't pulled him away because he was overstepping boundaries.

Andrew placed his other hand on the centre of Neil's chest so that he held them apart even as he took a step closer and kissed that smug look off of Neil's face.

Neil's mouth on his neck was nice and all, but Andrew wanted to kiss him while they still had time. He needed enough of Neil to help him get through the rest of this reception.

* * *

Neil didn’t mind so much when Andrew danced with Renee later. He gave her one dance when she asked and it looked like it was more of an excuse for a private conversation than anything.

Neil knew better than to ask Andrew to dance himself in front of all of those people and he could still feel the tingle of Andrew’s lips on his, so he felt far too good to worry about something so minor.

Even Nicky couldn’t get under his skin too much with his suggestive comment, “Don’t think we didn’t notice you both disappear at the same time. Couldn’t you two wait until the honeymoon?”

* * *

By the time that Andrew and Neil made it back to their hotel room, Neil was exhausted beyond belief. It had been a long day made even longer by getting up extra early to catch a flight he hadn’t boarded anyway. He couldn’t wait to finally change out of his suit, but before he could even get his tie off, music started playing from Andrew’s phone.

Neil turned around in time to see Andrew set his phone down and then hold his arms up toward him.

“You don’t have to,” Neil said.

“I know that,” Andrew said. “Dancing. Yes or no?”

Neil considered for a second, but Andrew was just waiting for his reaction, so Neil said, “Yes.”

He stepped closer and waited for Andrew to show him where to put his hands before he ended up with them on Andrew’s shoulders.

Neil was careful to leave enough space between their chests so that they would not touch for now. Andrew’s hands were warm on his back and his shoulder.

Andrew said nothing as they danced. Neil knew this was for him and that he must not have done as good of a job at hiding his disappointment as he had hoped. Andrew was dancing with him now though, away from the pressure and gaze of everyone else. They got to have their first dance together in a hotel room late at night and it was perfect.

When the song ended, Neil expected Andrew to let go. Instead, he adjusted his grip and murmured, “Yes or no” nearly against Neil’s lips.

“Always yes,” Neil told him.

He didn’t mind staying in his suit for a little longer as he kissed Andrew. He could wait for Andrew to take it off for him.


	18. Epilogue

Andrew features stayed composed during the plane’s take-off, but he held onto Neil’s hand with an iron grip strong enough to turn both their knuckles white. Neil was almost certain his hand would have an imprint in the shape of Andrew’s ring when Andrew let go, but he did not mind.

He had talked Andrew into spending the holidays in Columbia with their family. Andrew had come on this plane, even though he was afraid of heights, at least in part because of Andrew and Neil was happy to be something for Andrew to hold onto, even if he was starting to lose feeling in his fingers.

Andrew still was getting more comfortable with touch and they moved at Andrew’s pace, letting him set the boundaries. Neil was happy with Andrew and everything he gave him. He was honoured to be given the amount of trust that Andrew gave him.

Neil was allowed to hold his hand. He could touch Andrew’s face while they kissed. He could see him feel pleasure. They shared a bed and a life and they had plenty of time to work their way up to more when Andrew was ready. Maybe, it was for the best that they were taking things slow because Neil was still overwhelmed by Andrew’s every touch and he had never felt like this before with anyone else and he did not want to feel this way with anyone else.

“Talk,” Andrew said through gritted teeth.

“About what?” Neil asked.

“Anything,” Andrew said. “Distract me from how high up in the air we are.”

“Nicky was texting me all morning checking what time we’re coming in and where we’re going to meet in the airport and if I want to get lunch and where I want to get lunch,” Neil said. “All in separate messages in a row. Why does he do that? Why can’t he just type out one message with all his questions and then send it?”

“Nicky always texts like that,” Andrew pointed out. “And you wouldn’t answer him either way.”

“I answered him,” Neil insisted.

“With what? One word saying the time and ignoring the other questions?” Andrew challenged.

“So?” Neil asked. “He knows what time we’re getting there and we can figure out the rest when we get there.”

“You are incapable of answering your phone, aren’t you?” Andrew asked.

“I answer you,” Neil insisted.

* * *

When Christmas came around, Matt called Neil in the morning to wish him a Merry Christmas. Matt had been trying to befriend Neil for three years and now that Neil had given him an inch, Matt seemed convinced that they were going to be the best of friends. Neil didn't really mind.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Matt said. "I called instead of texting because I know you're bad for not checking your texts. How are your holidays going so far?"

"They're good," Neil said. It wasn't much but Matt ran with it.

"Good? Not just fine?" Matt asked. They must be going well then. Mine have been pretty great so far too. It's nice seeing my mom again and I can't wait to give Dan her present later. Speaking of presents, I'll give you yours when you get back."

Neil was in awe that he had a friend that had gotten him a present completely unprovoked when they weren't even going to be seeing each other on Christmas.

"I'll give your yours then too," Neil assured him.

"You got me something?" Matt asked. He sounded so surprised, even though he had just told Neil that he had gotten a gift for him. "Man, that's so exciting."

Neil didn't have a present for Matt. He hadn't known he would need one. He was definitely going to have to drag Andrew and Nicky to help him find something for Matt. Neil was certain Andrew would not want to be any help, but maybe if he looked for long enough or made a good enough deal, Andrew would give in and give Neil some kind of hint from something he remembered about Matt with his eidetic memory.

Neil wouldn't mind if Andrew mocked his pathetic gift-giving skills, just as long as he helped him find something.

* * *

Neil had bought a lot of presents. He still couldn't really believe how Andrew's family had taken him in and that this was really his family too now and that Andrew was his husband without an expiry date, so he got presents to make up for what he put them through and because he cared about them.

He hadn't been expecting to get any presents from them though, but when Nicky started handing out presents from under the tree, there were ones for Neil too.

Aaron and Katelyn's present was labeled for Andrew and Neil but clearly picked out for Andrew, but Neil was too in awe of his name on the tag to care whether the present was something he wanted or not.

Nicky and Erik got them matching jackets and when they opened them, Nicky nearly ran out of breath as he blurted out, "Do you like them? Tell me you like them. I didn't know what to get you, Neil, and you're nearly impossible to shop for, Andrew. Erik and I spent a whole day trying to figure out what to get you two, so I really really hope you like them but if you don't you can totally tell me and that's okay we can switch them for something else or-"

"They're great," Neil said.

Nicky visibly sighed with relief. "Oh good!"

Kevin got Neil a signed jersey from his favourite exy player.

"You are never wearing that," Andrew said when he saw it, but Neil knew he wouldn't actually stop him.

Neil was worried when it came time for him to exchange gifts with Andrew. He knew more about Andrew than the last time he had tried to pick out a present and he cared about him enough that he had started looking early enough to try to make sure he got something good. Still, he was nervous that he would be wrong and Andrew would hate it.

Andrew shook the box when Nicky handed it to him and he asked, "Is this the Starbucks gift card you tried to give me last time?"

"Shut up."

Andrew knew exactly how to push Neil's buttons.

Andrew laughed and Neil was too distracted by how beautiful the sound was and by staring at Andrew that he forgot he was supposed to be opening his own present until Andrew had his half open and told him, "Stop looking at me like that and open yours."

Andrew wouldn't look at Neil while he opened his and Neil wondered if it was because it mattered to Andrew whether he liked his present or not too.

Andrew stared at the contents of the box, pictures of two cats, and frowned.

"You got me printed off pictures of cats?" He asked. "This is worse than the Starbucks gift card."

"No," Neil told him. "I got you the cats. We're picking them up when we go home."

He thought that Andrew liked cats. He'd told him before that he liked them better than people. He'd shown him cat videos Bee had sent him. Neil really hoped he hadn't been wrong about that.

Neil could tell Andrew liked the gift though because he didn't make a snippy comment in response.

Neil remembered again that he was supposed to be opening his own present and he unwrapped it the rest of the way and his breath caught in his throat.

Apparently, Andrew had pulled some strings to speed up the process with Neil's book because Neil was holding the first copy of it. It suddenly felt very real that it was going to be published as Neil stared down at Neil Minyard-Josten written across the cover. Neil couldn't stop staring. It was perfect.

* * *

When Andrew went out for a cigarette that afternoon, he put on the jacket he had gotten from Nicky because it was cold out and because he knew that Nicky would be relieved at the sight of him in it and that was the only way Andrew knew how to tell Nicky that he liked it.

Neil was at his side, like always, and he was wearing his matching jacket too.

“So, orphan boy,” Andrew said as he pulled out his pack of cigarettes. “Is Christmas still your favourite holiday?”

“It is,” Neil said. “It’s been perfect.”

Actually, it had been far from perfect. But Neil had been there and it had been alright and that felt like something.

“Your gift was incredible,” Neil said.

“You’re the one who wrote the book,” Andrew pointed out because he still wasn’t totally comfortable with the amount of credit Neil gave him sometimes.

“But you’re the one who made it a real book, not just a file on my computer I debated deleting,” Neil pointed out.

Andrew was glad Neil hadn’t deleted the file. He wouldn’t say it.

“So,” Andrew said. “What are the cats’ names?”

“They don’t have any yet,” Neil said. “We get to choose.”

“We are not naming them anything stupid,” Andrew insisted.

“I thought we could let everyone help us decide,” Neil said.

They were definitely naming them something stupid if Neil was going to let Nicky help decide.

“You are full of bad ideas,” Andrew said, although he really did not particularly care what they named the cats.

“If you don’t shut me up, maybe I’ll start listing off names I’m thinking of,” Neil said.

Andrew doubted Neil really had a list of bad names ready. He didn’t care.

“Yes or no?”

“It’s always yes with you,” Neil said.

Andrew didn’t argue this time. He just kissed him.

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N: Just a reminder:**
> 
> **1) I don't want to be annoying and beg for comments, but this is a novel-length fanfic that took me a ridiculous amount of time and energy that I am posting all at once. That makes me pretty nervous that I'm not going to get feedback or I'm only going to get a little bit at the end and not know what people thought of most of the fic, so _please_ take the time to let me know what you think and consider giving feedback about different parts of the story.**
> 
> **2) I'm considering writing a JereJean office romance sequel to this, so let me know if that is something you would be interested in after.**


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